


The Road Between Us - Discontinued until further notice.

by ProfoundlyInLove, sarahborg66



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Artist Castiel, Child Abuse, Domestic Violence, Falling In Love, Family, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Homophobic John Winchester, Hospital, Hypothermia, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Internet, Long Distance Relationship, Mechanic Dean Winchester, Multi, Musician Dean Winchester, Near Death Experience, Online Dating, Past Attempted Murder, Pranks, Prankster Gabriel, RP, Roleplay, Singer Dean Winchester, Skype, Soldier Dean Winchester, YouTube, later angst, missing person, online
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-20
Updated: 2013-11-17
Packaged: 2017-12-29 21:57:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 56,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1010589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProfoundlyInLove/pseuds/ProfoundlyInLove, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahborg66/pseuds/sarahborg66
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester is a international youtube star, with his handsome face, adorable twang, and dont-give-a-fuck attitude. One day he gets a video reply that catches his eye. A gorgeous, shy, Sioux Falls resident. They reply back and forth until Dean finally steps out of his box. History has a way of repeating itself.</p><p>Discontinued.<br/>EDIT: Hey everyone, this is sarahborg66. I have no idea where the last writer went, it's been a while and I'm honestly really worried about her. I would love to keep writing this but I don't have the power to write this on my own, especially since I wasn't originally a part of the starting group.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Poems of a broken heart

**Author's Note:**

> This is an RP between two people. Usually I am doing the Dean side while she's doing Castiel's. At this point I may carry it on alone but we shall see. Thaanks!

The camera stared at him as if were piercing his soul, for thousands of viewers to see, some videos reaching the million views threshold. He shook off the feeling of darkness and put on a happy smile. The kind where your dimples show and your eyes crinkle, real happiness. He’d started these videos to get over his public speaking fear, now it’s mostly gone, yet he keeps the channel. He’s grown to love it, watched it become a part of him. Like another limb, but this limb brings unwanted YouTube fame. Apparently a gorgeous face really can get you anywhere. The ladies would comment that it’s his body and his ‘sexy southern twang’, and ‘God with that accent, talkin’ dirty must be real fun.’ It always made Dean uncomfortable. Especially the fact that he swang for the other team.

 

“Welcome to D’s world, where pie is free and I can hit jackasses if needed!” He smiled. showing his slice of pie on a paper plate, with curvy blue patterns sprinkled around the edges.

 

“Today, I’m going to vlog about something serious. Sorry if you wanted this weeks video to be funny and happy. Just feel like this is something I should share. So this vlog is a day in the life of ‘D’ Winchester. We’ll be leaving my little heaven of an apartment to visit my little brother,” His smile returned, though much smaller and more forced. “And my father, then I have to check in with my superiors but no cameras allowed. Last we’re going to visit a home I haven’t been to in..nearly two decades. But it’ll be worth it. I promise.” He smiled at the camera, much more forced than usual, before pausing, saving, and shutting it down. He can do this. He can do this. Remember what they’ve told you. Army strong, army strong.Originally he’d joined up via ROTC to put himself through college, but he’d found that it’s something he’s actually good at. Saving people, hunting bad guys.

 

Dean got in his car with his camera hanging around his neck, swinging comfortably. It was like a security blanket these days. Something about being able to capture his life on tape, show it to other people, and having the choice to look back and see what he’s lived through. Despite the fact that most of his videos are something funny and scripted.

 

The drive to the Winchester home wasn’t very long, he lived and went to school close to home on purpose. Can’t leave Sammy alone, just can’t. He’d promised the day he started applying to colleges. Most were community colleges so he could stay close, but when he’d gotten into KU, he had to go, according to Sam. So Dean packed up and moved into a small apartment in between school and his old home.

 

When Dean parked in front of the home, he turned on his camera.

 

“Hey guys, so we’re here at my old house where my family lives. Sammy knows I’m coming but Dad doesn’t, it’ll be interesting, I guess. Hence sitting in my baby trying to get the balls to go in. You guys know I’ll be bleeping out my name whenever it’s said so..Be prepared for some bleep-age. Let’s go!” He smiled into the camera, despite his feelings of nervousness.

 

Dean didn’t bother to knock on the door, just walked in with the camera pointed outwards.

 

“Sammy! I’m here! Get your nerdy ass down here and give me a hug!” You could hear a door open and close upstairs, and running down the stairs.

 

“Dean! Man you need to come around more often, Dad’s getting bad again. Wait why are you filming?” Sam paused, looking at the camera curiously. He knew about Dean’s YouTube channel, he was actually a dedicated fan. Though he loved to leave bitchy comments. At first people called him out, until they realized it was “D’s” brother.

 

“Personal vlog, you know. You’ll be my star, smile, bitch.” Dean grinned, though the camera wasn’t pointed at him, instead it was focused on Sam.

 

“Ugh, I’m not a fan of cameras man. You know that. Do a house tour or something. Find Dad too, he’ll be glad to see you. Unless he’s passed out. Then you should leave him alone.” Sam said, looking around the room.

 

“Good idea, but you’re coming with. Feels like I haven’t seen you in ages.” The camera then focused on the front room. It had more picture frames than an art museum. That’s what happens when your family grows to the size of a small town. Most were unrelated, but as they are always saying, family doesn’t end with blood.

 

“Because it has been ages, idiot. So caught up in midterms, too busy for your brother.” Sam mocked, obviously being light hearted, “By the way, Ellen, Bobby, and Jo are stopping by to see you. They’ve missed your ugly face.”

 

“That’s great! Missed them too, even Jo. She still got that crush on me?” Jo had had a hard on for Dean since fourth grade. She was the same age as Dean, a measly twenty-two years old. Though after all the crap he’s been through, it feels like a thousand years.

 

“I don’t think so, mooning over someone else by now. They’ll be here soon, so get your tour done so we all can catch up.” Sam said, smiling.

 

“Alrighty. Come on.” Dean smiled, showing the world the rest of the front room, finally zooming into a photo showing most of his family.

 

“That’s Bobby, he owns a salvage yard, he gave me my first job. Loved it, fixing up piece of shit cars. Now I work on gorgeous army vehicles. Remind me to thank that bastard. That’s his wife, Ellen. She owns a bar, called the Roadhouse. Like a mother to me, ever since Mom died. I remember having little sleepovers at their house, hell that lasted until I was seventeen. Lots of good memories. That’s Joanna Beth, but we call her Jo, unless she’s done something stupid or somethin’. That’s Ash, though he prefers Doctor Badass. Works at Bobby’s and is stuck in the eighties. He’s a damn hoot, and gets wasted at the Roadhouse then sleeps on the pool table. Lastly, that’s Garth, crazy motherfucker. He likes hugging and has a sock puppet.” Dean couldn’t help but smile, he loved his family, with every part of his body and soul. He then moved onto another photo of his biological family that was taken when he was little.

 

“That’s my Dad, but he looks a lot different now. And that’s my real Mom, she was beautiful. She’d sing Hey Jude and would dance with me in the kitchen when she was cooking, and baking. That’s Sam, he’s a lot bigger now obviously. Little baby, here. Lastly, that’s me, I know, bowl cut. Not the sexiest shit ever.”

 

The next picture was taken at Dean’s high school graduation. “Finally, here’s Adam. He’s a little younger than Sam, sixteen and a wild one. A lot like how I was in high school. He lives with his Mom a few minutes away, but he’s actually on vacation right now. Some road trip with his friends. I think they’re in Louisiana right now. Benny told them all the awesome places to see there.” Dean pointed the camera on himself for a minute with a big grin before walking into the next room, where his Dad was passed out. It was a sort of study, it had a desk with tons of books on it. It reminded Dean of Bobby’s place. There was also a window seat, a couch, and bookshelves that Sam and him would hang off as kids. Dad and Bobby used to call them monkeys.

 

“There’s Dad, he’s obviously passed out so we won’t bother him. Bobby’ll probably wake him up when he gets here.” Dean confessed, moving onto the kitchen, then walking up the stairs slowly with the camera focused on himself at an odd angle.

 

“Man this is weird, haven’t been here in a long time. I think the last time was my birthday this year, months ago.” That was true, his birthday was in January while it was nearly Thanksgiving right now.

 

“That’s Sam’s room, but we’re not going in there. It’s just a geek’s dream. I’d gotten him a computer for his birthday this year that I’d spent forever saving up for. So now he’s always playing computer games and something called Tumblr. You guys have been trying to get me to get one but why the hell would I need a website. Anyways, here’s my room, which we’ll be going into.” He said, opening the door to reveal his bedroom. It still had his unmade bed, unfinished books, and ancient rock posters that he hadn’t taken to college with him.

 

“Dean! They’re here! Get down here!” Sam called, which sent Dean barreling down the stairs, very excited.

 

“Guys! God I’ve missed you!” Dean said, pulling Ellen into a hug, sending the camera into a weird position, ending up on Jo, who was the next to be pulled into a hug, followed by Bobby.

 

“Get that camera outta’ my face, boy.” Bobby said affectionately.

 

“Yeah, yeah, old man.” Dean smirked, zooming in on Bobby’s face in protest, which made the man scowl.

  
  


“You need to see us more often, you’ve been missed. How’s the whole army sitch’ going?” Jo asked flopping down into an armchair.

 

“Goin’ good, I haveta’ go in today after all this, not excited. Whenever I get called in it’s cause I’ve done somethin’ they don’t like.” Dean complained, which the others understood.

 

“Well good luck boy, now put the camera away and talk with us.” Ellen smiled, Dean complied.

 

“Bye guys!”

 

The next time the camera was on was in the car while he was on the the way to the next stop, his old and now rebuilt home.

 

“So we’ll be seein’ my old house next, people live there now so we’ll just see the outside. It’ll be the first time I’ve ever seen it. I’ve never been okay with seeing it again but..I donno, just going to. Not important. Okay we’re here guys.” Dean smiled, obviously forced. He was staring at the house for a minute before turning the camera on the house, but not before the camera captured a small tear. Something he never did. But sometimes memories really, really hurt.

 

“I remember all the tick marks showing how tall I was, and my Mom always reading these theology books, sometimes she’d read them to me, I didn’t understand them at the time, I mean I was four. I understand them now though, they’re comforting weirdly.”

 

“Okay I was wrong I can’t do this shit, I’m just going to go to the base. See you guys in the next video. Don’t make fun of me for this video, alright. I know it’s not manly or anything. But it’s important. D’s outta here. Happy world peace and government shut down. Good God. Bye!”

 

Dean edited and posted the video that night after meeting with his superiors. Thankfully he’d done nothing wrong, just an interview. The day wasn’t that bad, just… Different.

 


	2. It's like a public mirror

Castiel felt strange all day, so by the time he returned to his dorm room, he was ready to grab his private sketchbook, put on D’s newest vlog, and just zone out for a while, let his hands do all the work. He supposed it was strange that he found such relaxation--and sometimes, joy-- in watching a stranger record his life, or just ramble on sometimes about class.

 

He’d first begun watching D’s vlogs when he’d started his third year of college the previous year, and he’d become hooked, binge-watching them since there were so many for him to catch up on. D, who never let his name into his videos and kept most of his personal information (first names, addresses, schools, even his state) on lockdown from his viewers, was interesting. He’d tell the viewers about his day, or reminisce about things that went on when he was younger, and most of his viewers would simply reply by telling him how hot he was, and how much they loved his smile.

 

It irritated Castiel to no end, and he wanted desperately to be one of the few viewers to respond with actual, useful feedback, or just to relate D’s vlogs to his own life, but he had crippling social anxiety.

 

He’d sometimes put on his laptop camera and try to make a video response. But he’d find himself just looking at the little red light and swallowing passed a dry breath, voice stuck to the roof of his mouth. His words would shrivel in on themselves, and he’d end up clicking out of the program without saving the recording.

 

He just couldn’t help it: He’d look at the recording light, and see D’s face, or one of his peer’s faces. He’d become nervous and shaky, and his brother Gabe would raise an eyebrow at him and push an extra mug of cocoa towards him wordlessly. He always understood that that was Gabe’s way of comforting him nicely, since Gabe tended to be the guy always cracking jokes at other’s expense.

 

So, he sat down and dropped his messenger bag down next to his armchair, sighing softly and sinking into the cushions for a moment. He clasped his hands in his lap, just relaxing for a moment before he leaned forward and opened his laptop.

 

Castiel typed in his password quickly, then got up to walk out, down the hall to the dorm kitchen. He opened the fridge and found the bag marked “Cassy” in his brother’s handwriting, opening it to find a few Chinese takeout containers, also labeled by Gabe, reading, “Hot ‘n’ Sour Soup”, “Orange Chicken”, and “Your Favorite”. He took the Hot ‘n’ Sour soup and put the others back, wanting to save the orange chicken and crab wontons for later.

 

He heated it up quickly, then brought the container back to his and Gabe’s room, finding a blue bowl in the box of dishes they keep. He filled it and tossed the empty carton in the trash, grabbing a spoon from the box and shuffling back over to his desk.

 

Castiel set his bowl down and opened his browser, clicking onto D’s channel and seeing that his newest vlog was already up. He opened it, leaning back in his chair and taking a sip of the hot broth as D’s face appeared on the screen.

 

D had filmed his visit to his brother, and he took the camera on a little tour of the house, showing pictures and naming people who appeared in the video. There were parts of the video that made Castiel want to be there and comfort D, because he would get this look in his bottle-green eyes.

 

He’d look off-camera for a moment, get this muted, hurt look every now and then, his mouth working into a tight curve. He’d fake a smile, and Castiel could tell that there was more going on than D was willing to give his viewers.

 

The video made him think of his own mother, when Dean mentioned that his had died. Alice had been a sweet woman, but she had been very religious. Her views were very black and white, and she went to church every single Sunday, along with Wednesday worship. Castiel had always thought it strange that such a religious woman would end up with someone like his father, Chuck.

 

Chuck was a writer. He would drink often while writing, but he was a very gentle man. He was actually quite shy with most people, which Castiel supposes is where he got his social anxiety. Chuck wrote a series of supernatural books with sex, violence, and demons, and yet Alice was as in love with him as she could be.

 

It never ceased to amaze him how such a sweet woman could go so batshit insane.

 

See, his mother, with all of her religion and righteousness, got it in her head that God had spoken to her, and pulled a gun (who knows where she got it; Castiel was five at the time) on a traveling saleswoman, named Bela Talbot. She shot her twice in the head, and it wasn’t until the investigation was drawing to a close that it was discovered that the woman was actually a con artist selling stolen goods, along with counterfeit handbags and shoes.

 

He had been the messy-haired kid under Alice’s arm when she did it.

 

He’d been sucking on his knuckle and thinking that the woman’s hair was pretty--Maybe I’ll have hair like that someday--and then she was on the ground, blood, skin, and brain matter matting the thick, golden waves and sticking them together.

 

He’d had to go to therapy until he was seventeen, and D referencing his own mother’s death made Castiel wonder how it had happened. If she had gone peacefully, or if she had killed herself like his own mother had.

 

Castiel wasn’t entirely sure what part of the video finally had him setting down his empty bowl and straightening to click his own camera on, but suddenly the red light was staring at him and he was scrubbing his sweaty palms against his jeans.

 

“H-Hi… I’m Castiel. I have been a viewer of yours for a long time, and I’ve wanted to respond to your videos numerous times, but… I haven’t. But I’m doing that now.” He started, blushing at his awkward, stilted voice and the stutter in his words. He reached up and adjusted his beanie, tugging it down over his ears.

 

“I just watched your video, literally finished it a few seconds ago. I… I don’t really know how to do this, but… I just wanted to say that it was really… It was hard, seeing what I just saw. I don’t know if this goes for anyone else, but seeing you talk about your mom, and the house, even just the little bit you did… Well, it affected me. And I could tell that it affected you.” Cas looked away from the little camera for a moment, scrubbing his hand over his jaw.

 

“I guess what I’m trying to say… If you want to t-talk about it, you can. I’m sure it’s hard, God knows I’ve had my share of painful memories that I don’t want to talk about… That I couldn’t possibly talk about in front of hundreds, thousands of viewers. But. But, I’m here, a stranger off in the ether, and I want you to know that you can tell me about it.” He bit his lip, jaw clenching as he looked straight at the camera. He swallowed nervously, then looked down at his hands.

 

“It’s probably stupid for me to even say this. You have people to talk to, a loving family. I’m probably just creeping you out or making you worry that I’m a stalker or something, but I promise you I’m not meaning for that.” He said, voice a little rough with the effort of speaking, knowing that if he posts this video, hundreds of people could see him, making a fool of himself.

 

Castiel raised a shaky hand, curling his fingers in front of his mouth as he looked at the camera, pausing to just think, to get a handle on his thoughts.

 

He took in a shuddery breath, his chest and shoulders shivering minutely as his anxiety grew. “D… Just keep in mind that I’m here. I don’t mean to sound creepy, but hey, at least I actually tried to make contact this time.” He said, then nibbled at his lower lip, unsure of how to end the video.

 

“Have a good day. Take apart a car that’s ruined and just leave it like that, let the parts be equal to more than their sum. Listen to your favorite song on repeat. Eat too many slices of pie. Just feel better, okay?” He muttered, looking at the little red light. “I’m gonna go. I have some sketching to do. Hope I’ll talk to you later.” He added, blinking wide, careful eyes at the camera before ending the recording.

 

He sucked his lower lip into his mouth, pulling at little bits of dried skin as he slowly worked up the courage to post it.

 

Once he did, his heart started beating way faster than it should, and he shoved away from his desk, breath caught in his throat. He pushed his hands through his hair, messing it up further and pacing for a moment. Eventually, he heard Gabe rustling into the room, with scraps of fabric obviously meant for costumes for the drama department.

 

He paused in his pacing, then looked over and sees Gabe fumbling with a few bags full of tulle and some satiny material, and he went over to help him out, grabbing two of them and closing the door with his hip. “I did something stupid today.” He announced timidly, Gabriel raising an eyebrow as he set down his bags.

 

“Set those down and tell me about this stupid thing you did.” He said, narrowing his eyes at Castiel in interest. Castiel set them down, then bit his lip and muttered, “Well… I watched one of D’s vlogs today, and I sort of… Oh, I might as well just show you.” He said, walking over to his laptop and pulling up the video. He pressed play, and Gabriel rested his elbows on the top of his chair, resting his head in his hands as the video played.

 

Castiel slowly turned darker red as the video progresses, and when it finished, Gabe clapped a hand on his shoulder, making him startle.

 

“Good job, little brother.” Gabe said, grinning. “I didn’t know you had it in you.”


	3. Because I feel lost in this crowd

Dean sat in his apartment that night, reading comments on his new video. Most were along the lines of ‘You poor baby!’ Which he didn’t like. He wasn’t pitiful. He didn’t need teenage girls’ pity. So he swallowed and took a sip of whiskey. If he was being honest, it tasted like cheap rubbing alcohol. But it got him drunk fast and made his throat feel nice and warm after a few moments. He’d been drinking for a while so he felt nice, dizzy, and oddly better, by the time he fell across a video response by ‘AngelOfThursday’. It was a good username, much better than his own, ‘D_Winchester.’

 

“Have a good day. Take apart a car that’s ruined and just leave it like that, let the parts be equal to more than their sum. Listen to your favorite song on repeat. Eat too many slices of pie. Just feel better, okay?” It was a sweet. It helped that the guy was unbearably hot. But that was a fact that he mostly kept to himself. Until he called his best friend Benny that night.

 

“Benny! Okay this is going to sound terribly cliched’ and really, really gay. Like on a new level, more than that time I pocket dialed you during sex,” He could hear Benny groan on the line, though he was only down the hall. Sometimes you don’t want to leave bed.

 

“Anyway. So I got this video reply from this ‘AngelOfThursday.’ He’s literally the hottest guy I’ve ever seen. Do I reply or pretend I never saw it?” There was a moment of contemplation before Benny responded.

 

“Brother, I think you should reply. We all know you haven’t had a proper relationship since Alistair, but we all know that was half hearted and ended with you in pain and honestly we had to piece you together like a puzzle with a missing piece. So just respond, but don’t get all sappy. Just… Be normal, people can see this. Thousands of people! So don’t get all lame. I’ve got a date, so don’t act like an idiot! Bye, Dean.” Benny’s own personal twang strong and obvious. Dean nodded, and Benny understood, knowing Dean well since they met their freshman year.

 

Dean started up his webcam, taking a deep steady breath before starting.

 

“I’d like to say it isn’t stupid. Honestly it’s sweet. People say shit to me just like that all the time but I guess this one struck me. I know that’s lame, and I never post two videos in the same day, but I guess I had to this time. I never get a response like yours. Hot guy, being adorable, and sweet as hell. Nope. Anyway, I just talked to Benny, who’s the reason I’m even responding. Did you know I only started this channel to get over a fear of public speaking? Probably not. But here I am, nervous as ever.” Dean stopped, feeling more self conscious than he had in a long ass time. There was a beep across the room, his cell phone, making him groan.

 

“One second,” He mumbled, pausing the video to get up and check his phone. It was Sam, seeming worried.

 

“Dude, last video was pretty sad. You okay?” Dean sighed, sure he was sad but it hadn’t really struck him until he’d read the message.

 

“Yeah, I’m okay. I’m actually responding to a video response right now. Look up ‘AngelOfThursday’ The dude’s hot as hell and really nice. Don’t be a dick either!” Dean tossed the phone onto his bed before relaxing into his armchair, though it was far from comfortable. He’d grown used to it.

 

“Back, anyway, I wanna say thanks. I know I never get personal, so it’s nice that you care. Didn’t have too much of that as a kid, you know? I mean I had Ellen and Bobby, but not much else. Dad… Well he had his own hang ups and vices. Mine were different than his. He’s an alcoholic. I’m obviously not. Or else I’d be drunk by now. Though I have been drinking whiskey…” Dean trailed off after raising his thick glass.

 

“Okay honestly, I’ve had more than I should have. But not drunk!” Dean laughed, taking another bitter sip.

 

“I’m gonna end this before I get sentimental and weird. Just… Respond to this lame attempt, alright? You better not be fifteen or I’ll feel like a pedophile. Alright? I’m gonna shuddup and get seriously drunk, alone in my apartment on a weekday then go to class hungover. Sound good to you? Freaking eight a.m. classes. Hate em’. I think Sam’s texting again. Hopefully we’ll talk again soon. Don’t be afraid of your local sex god! ‘D’ out.” Dean winked before ending the video. He didn’t edit, which was very rare. But he wanted to respond quickly. Which wasn’t very like him. He usually took a while to respond to people, and never was it a video response. But he was happy he made an exception.

 

“Dude, ew. But the dude seems nice enough. Don’t be a dick to him either, okay? You burn enough bridges. We all love you, but know that’s true. Wait, you posted, just let me check if you’re a dick.” Dean couldn’t help but roll his eyes. What a bitch.

 

“You know, if you weren’t my brother, I’d pound you.” Dean typed.

 

“No, you wouldn’t.”

 

“Maybe.” He wouldn’t, but that was despite the point.

 

“Okay, you weren’t a dick. Surprise! Maybe he’ll actually respond. He did say he watched your videos. I hope he does, for your sake. I know how the last one ended. Stupid jackass. You’re lucky I’m going to be a lawyer, or else I’d have killed him. Violently.”

 

“Oh, sure, Mister healthy, love bird, ‘I don’t need hook ups to be happy.’ Sam Winchester.” In his bedroom back home, Sam was rolling his eyes.

 

“Take a page from my book, Dean! Find some dude to tie yourself down for once. No more gay bars, you hear me?” Another eye roll was earned from the elder brother. Stupid Winchester sarcasm. Dean poured himself another glass of whiskey, continuously reloading his YouTube homepage hoping that this ‘AngelOfThursday’ would respond. Maybe it was a YouTube crush. Could you really blame him? Dean clicked on the profile, quickly clicking subscribe before looking at the about me.

 

“Castiel, South Dakota, College Student.” Dean couldn’t help but smirk. Not a fifteen year old, perfect. Though, he could still be Sammy’s age, one could never know. Still, South Dakota was only five hours away, which made Dean smile. Hell, he could have seen him while Bobby lived up there before moving down to Lawrence to help Dean during his teenage years. Things had been rough.

 

Dean’s own profile was oddly mysterious. “D. Location: Not your fucking business. Soldier, and Vonnegut fan. Posting schedule: Once weekly unless I change my mind.” Obviously, tonight, his drunken mind had changed it’s mind. Thankfully he hadn’t sounded too wasted. Maybe buzzed, but not wasted. Which was lucky, since he has posted wasted before. What can he say, he’s a college student with a legal ID and a family friend who owned a bar. His hungover videos were more embarrassing though, usually in pain and grumpy. He’d often have paper open in the background that was due all too soon.

  
Soon, Dean was on his eighth ounce of whiskey and feeling all too sluggish to pull an all-nighter like he’d been planning. He hadn’t even made it to midnight. Alcohol made all-nighters impossible. Oh well, at least he’d be able to sleep for once. Then he’d work on his paper tomorrow and possibly meet up with Benny. Hopefully ‘AngelOfThursday’ Would respond.


	4. Am I the only one?

Of course, once Gabriel stepped away from behind Castiel’s shoulders to get into his costuming project, Castiel’s notification sound rang out. “Gabe, I think he responded.” He said, voice going higher in pitch. “What do I do?” He asked, gesturing nervously at the screen.

 

Gabe straightened up, peering at the screen over his shoulder. “Well, first off, actually check to see if it’s him responding to your video.” He said, voice teasing.

 

Castiel nibbled on his lower lip, clicking on the notification and cringing as it opens. It turned out to be Dean’s response after all, and Castiel couldn’t help but curl in on himself a little bit.

 

“Oh God, it’s him, he’s responded, Gabe what do I do?” He asked, pulling his feet up onto his seat and curling an arm around his knees. Gabe grinned, leaning down to push the play button.

 

Cas watched the video with wide eyes, taking in D’s intoxicated words and blushing bright red when D calls him hot, adorable, and sweet in the same sentence. He covered his face with his hands when D said that he was nervous, and Gabe stepped back with a muttered, “Have fun with… Devon. I’m sure this will turn into a beautiful love story.”

 

Castiel sighed, watching the rest of the video and trying to pretend that he wasn’t silently hoping that his brother was right.

 

Because D was intellectual, for all his Southern-ized speech, and he had a gorgeous face and body, and he obviously cared for his family, teasing aside.

 

Castiel lifted his head once D’s video ended, and he ran his hands through his hair once again. He bit hard at his lower lip, tasting copper as he clicked his camera on.

 

He flicked his eyes up to the red light, taking a breath. “I wasn’t expecting this.” He stated clearly, the blush on his cheeks never paling.

 

“I don’t even know what to say, to start off with. Um… I don’t do well with taking compliments, but… Th-Thanks, for calling me… Hot, and ad-dorable, and sweet. I… Just, thank you. That was nice of you, really. It’s lovely to get such compliments from such an attractive guy like y-yourself.”  He managed to get out, his hands wound together under his chin.

 

“Anyway… I was surprised to learn that you began doing this to get over a fear of public speaking. You’re so good at vlogging, it’s strange to think you would suffer from something like that. I personally have social anxiety. That’s what has kept me from responding to any of your videos all this while…” He paused there, looking down and blushing. “When I say ‘all this while’... I started watching your vlogs in the beginning of last school year.”

 

He sucked in a breath, swallowing and looking back up at the camera. “Your videos kind of help me relax, actually. Usually, after a long day of classes, I’ll come back to my dorm room and put on one of your vlogs and sketch something up. But, anyway. There’s really no need to care. It’s just human. I’m sorry to hear about your father. My mother was a sweet woman, as is my father. But… Well, she had a mental illness. I’ll tell you about it if you tell me more about yourself… Wouldn’t want to scare you away too quick.”

 

Castiel winked at the camera after he finished speaking, and then his eyes widened and he blushed darker, giving the camera a small, embarrassed smile.

 

“I hope you don’t get too drunk, going to class late and hungover is never a good look, no matter how attractive you are.” Castiel said, strangely bold.

 

“I’ll go now, you’ve probably seen enough. I’m gonna go to bed.” He muttered, looking at the camera and then skirting his eyes away. He clicked off and sent it away, then pushed away from his desk only to be met with the sight of Gabriel clutching his sides and silently shaking with laughter. “What?” He mumbled, looking at Gabe apprehensively.

 

Gabe waved a hand at him, chuckling for a few minutes before responding, “You actually flirted  with someone, Cassy.”

 

Castiel rolled his eyes, sighing. “Thanks, Gabe. Really supportive.” He muttered. “I’m gonna go to bed.” He added, turning to shut off his laptop. He went to the bathroom then, and brushed his teeth before coming back out. “Night, Gabe.” He muttered, watching Gabe pin a line. “Good luck with this.”

 

Gabe nodded to him, pulling a pin from his mouth to say, “Sweet dreams, Cassy.” and returning to his work.

 

Castiel moved off to his room, changing into a pair of flannel pajama pants and curling up in his bed, soon to fall fast asleep.


	5. All I'm doing...

Dean woke up the next morning with a banging hangover and crazy thoughts ringing through his head. He openly flirted with a guy over the internet. Fuck. He’d never even said he was gay before on his channel, though sometimes he’d made it pretty damn obvious. Sometimes he was a see-through man with obvious gay intentions. Hell, sometimes you could see the posters of half dressed men in the background of his videos. If that isn’t obvious, what is?

 

He checked his phone before even getting out of bed, welcomed with three ever pleasing text messages. One from Charlie, one from Sam, and one from Benny.

 

“Brother, check your channel, and get out of bed!” Said Benny.

 

His brother was less polite, “THE NICE DUDE RESPONDED. BTW CLASS GET THE FUCK UP.”

 

Lastly, was Charlie. His favorite neighbor and his other lovely best friend, who was dating a girl from downstairs named Gilda. “Dude. Flirting with a dude online? I’m so proud let me go cry.”

 

Dean didn’t dignify anyone with a response, instead opening up his YouTube app to see if Mr. Castiel responded. He couldn’t stop his shit-faced grin when he discovered he had.

 

He also couldn’t help but think, “Stuttering has never been so hot.”

 

Dean pulled his covers around his as he stumbled to his desk, still feeling slightly tipsy, though that might just be the raging hangover. For once he didn’t even record the video on a program, just through YouTube. It was only a twenty second video, so it really didn’t matter.

 

“I donno, man,” Dean smirked, pulling his blankets tighter around him. “I think I’m hot enough to pull it off.” He looked down smiling before posting the video. After a few minutes between checking his email and looking at his Facebook fan page that Sam had coerced him to get, he started to get comments from young ladies.

 

‘Dude, you never do video responses. Let alone three videos in two days. What gives?’, ‘You gay?’, ‘OTP OTP OTP.’ Dean had to look up what the hell OTP even meant. Apparently it was one true pairing, which made him blush to no end. He opened up his facebook page again to post a short status.

 

“Flaming homosexual, learned what OTP means, and have a feeling I’ll be posting way more videos in the near future. We good?” Dean’s notifications pinged, signaling another response.

 

Another video response from ‘AngelOfThursday.’ No. Castiel. Titled, ‘Hungover much?’

 

Castiel had a sleepy smile, his hair more messy than in his last video, this one being only a few short seconds. “Go to class, D.” Dean couldn’t help but smile, mentally noting that he just had to reply today. No question. He’s never posted this much, ever. He also knew that Sam would mock him to the end of the Earth. So worth it.

 

Dean read a few comments on the Facebook status before getting ready for class. Most were disappointment from girls, but some were happy from men. He typed in a quick reply before even thinking about it. “Got my eye on someone, guys.” No regrets, but he still found himself blushing.

 

When Dean got back from his three hour lecture, he felt burnt out and so tired that he couldn’t keep his eyes open. Yet he opened up his video software anyway, not wanting to wait any longer.

 

“So, guys. I donno how many saw the status. But here I am, gay as Neil Patrick Harris. Who knew? I certainly didn’t at thirteen. Don’t matter. I’m tired as hell. Maybe I’m not hot enough to pull off a hangover. Whatcha think, Cas?” Dean grinned, rubbing his sleepy eyes, hiding the dark purple bags.

 

“Anyway, I’ve been getting text messages from friends all morning during class, not normal ones. In case you guys can’t tell, my friends are friggin’ weird. Charlie said she was gonna cry cos’ I was flirting, then said later in class that she was glad I’m back in the game. Haven’t much less thought of someone in more than a ‘You’re cool.’ in a long ass time, you know? Don’t want to talk about that one though. Benny was all twangy this morning, proud I finally outed myself. Been considering it for some time. I’ve been on here a while and well honestly I’m so weirded out by the sex comments from you ladies. I’m sorry! Wait-- Is twangy even a thing?” Dean pondered, looking up for a moment.

  
  


“So not important. Fourth video in two days. This is weird. Good weird, but weird. This one ain’t gonna be the usual length, way too tired. I’m supposed to go to lunch with Benny and Charlie soon anywho. But, I promised myself I’d take a minute to talk to someone. So Cas, man. Hey again. This ain’t weird, is it? As pointed out multiple times by Sammy, this adorable shy thing isn’t very Dea-- D. But..Here I am, blushing like a virgin. Random fact, that’s somethin’ I ain’t. Too much info! Weird! Getting creepy, so I’m just going to go nap before lunch. Have a good one, Cas.” Dean couldn’t stop the wink he made before stopping the recording. He made minor edits before posting the video, tagging ‘AngelOfThursday.’ and ‘Cas’. He got more ‘OTP’ comments as he climbed into bed, fully dressed and grinning like a fool.


	6. Looking for you,

As soon as Castiel woke up, he logged onto his youtube account to see if D had responded. Of course, he had. He looked adorable, wrapped in a blanket and blinking sleepy eyes at the camera. There was that cocky grin making an appearance, and Cas couldn’t help but agree with Dean’s words. Yeah, D was horribly attractive, even with dark circles under his eyes and a slightly sickly pallor to his skin.

 

Castiel grinned, turning his camera on and blinking stupidly at the rec light before saying, “Go to class, D.” He didn’t hesitate in sending it, and then he crawled out of bed to get some coffee. Gabriel was of course, in the same position as he had been when Castiel had gone to bed the night before.

 

The only difference was that he was asleep, clutching at a beautifully made iridescent dress with with a tiny waist and a bellflower skirt.

 

Castiel smiled, then wandered out of the room to the dorm kitchen, grabbing two of the many mugs and filling them to the brim with coffee. He carefully walked back to their room, setting their mugs on the counter and then going over to carefully nudge at Gabriel’s side with his foot. Gabe stirred, blinking his eyes open slowly. “Wh-What?” He asked, looking around confusedly.

 

“You fell asleep on the floor after finishing your costume… Again. Get up and have some coffee.” Castiel said with a grin, offering Gabe a hand.

 

Gabe took Castiel’s hand, and Castiel helped him up. “So, any updates on loverboy?... Daniel?” Castiel pursed his lips, taking his coffee and wrapping his fingers around the mug.

 

“Yes. He sent another video this morning, and I responded. Just go check out my account. Laptop’s on my bed.” Castiel said, then cracked his knuckles. “I’ll go pick up a bagel or a croissant for you, what kind do you want?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at Gabe.

 

Gabe shrugged. “I want whatever you get. Not feeling picky this morning.” Castiel nodded, and grabbed the keys to their car, and then trotted to his room to pull on a university hoodie and a pair of his ripped-up, paint-splattered Converse.

 

He walked out, making his way out into the parking lot and finding the old Volvo that he and Gabe shared. He got in and started it up, turning the heat up high before he pulled out of the parking space.

 

He made his way to the small cafe called The Bean, ordered two ham and cheese croissants and paying for them. The nice girl at the counter handed him a bag with the croissants packed up in it, along with his receipt, which he realised had writing on it. He flipped it over and read it, “Good luck with D!!”

 

He blushed and grinned, looking up at her, and he muttered, “Thanks. Have a good day.” hurriedly before he took the bag and made his exit. He drove back to the dorms, handing Gabe his croissant and flopping onto the couch.

 

“You should see his Facebook page.”

 

Castiel looked up when Gabe said it, eyes wide. “Oh?” He asked, sitting up and walking over to grab his laptop. He brought it back over to the couch, sitting in much the same way as before and looking at the page.

 

The page was blowing up with questions and comments, and Castiel scrolled through them until he came to a post by D himself. Got my eye on someone, guys. Castiel found himself gaping open-mouthed at the screen. He scrolled down further, and his eyes widened when he saw the ‘flaming homosexual’ post.

 

He went ahead and looked up what OTP meant, and he blushed scarlet as the words ‘one true pairing’ showed on his screen.

 

“People… Ship us.” Castiel informed Gabe, looking over at him. Gabe shrugged, nodding. “That’s what happens when two attractive people make even the basest, most simple emotional connection.” He said, mouth full of croissant.

 

Castiel hummed in response, then noticed the time. “Shit, I’ve got to get to Sculpting.” He said, jumping up and closing his laptop to run to his bedroom. He threw on a printed tee and a red flannel, rolling the sleeves up hurriedly, then grabbing some dark grey, ripped-up jeans and tugging them on, finishing off the outfit with a beanie, fixing his curly, messy hair as best he could.

 

He tugged on his black Doc Martens and dashed out to his desk to grab his messenger bag, slinging it over his shoulder. He grabbed his croissant and gulped down the rest of his coffee, warbling out a , “Later, Gabe!” as he hurried out.

 

After Sculpting, Castiel washed his hands for five minutes straight, scrubbing them raw and whittling away at the grey cement under his fingernails. He sighed, wiping his hands off and glaring at the blue-grey smudges all over his hands, then left and made his way to his dorm.

 

Castiel sketched for about an hour after that, Gabe still out, and he’d refresh his Youtube every so often.

 

Eventually, there was a new video up, and he set down his sketch of a lion basking in the sun, and clicked play.

 

D clarified a few things for his viewers, and when he called Castiel ‘Cas’, he found himself blushing hard and feeling pleased.

 

He put his camera on after finishing the video, and he smiled. “I’ve never been called Cas before. My brother and sister call me Cassy, and the rest of my family mostly doesn’t speak to me, or calls me by my full name. My dad, Chuck, calls me ‘Son’. My mother used to call me sweetie… Before what happened.”

 

He paused a moment, nibbling at his thumbnail, and then grimaced, the taste of cement on his tongue. “Ugh. I’m an artist. I take many traditional art classes, and the one I took this morning was Sculpting. So I have cement under my fingernails.” He said, pushing his fingers close to the camera to show D.

 

“Anyway… I’m very flattered by your post on Facebook… When I went out to get breakfast this morning for my brother and I--He lives with me in the dorm--the girl behind the counter wrote, ‘Good luck with D’ on the receipt. I guess she’s a fan, and wishes us luck in… Whatever this is.” He said, chuckling sheepishly.

 

“It isn’t weird, D… I like talking to you. It’s only weird that I’m doing it in the first place, to be perfectly honest. Like I said, I have social anxiety. I hardly even talk to most of my fellow students.” Castiel shrugged, looking at the camera. “I want to learn more about you. Honestly, I thought you would think I  was the weird one. But I’m glad you didn’t.”

 

He paused, sucking on his lower lip, and then looked at the camera and smiled, saying, “I noticed that you didn’t bleep out your slip-up in almost saying your name… I’m hoping this means you won’t mind my next question… Would you mind telling me your name? It feels somewhat… Strange, speaking to a man who has given me a nickname when I myself don’t know his name.”


	7. Are you looking for me too?

Dean stared at the video, thinking. Name, or no name. That’s actually the question, not some cheesy saying.

 

So he did what every responsible adult does in such a situation. Freak out and bang on his best friends door until she opens it naked, covered in a way too small towel, wearing only a bitter scowl.

 

“What could you possibly want right now, Dean?” She asked, opening the door to let him in, walking into her bedroom with the door cracked so she could get some clothes on while Dean talked.

 

“He’s right you know, he doesn’t know your name. D’s a pretty lame thing to be calling someone, you’ve already manage to crush on this dude. Either get some balls and tell him, or just tell him your nickname.”

 

“Charlie, Pie ain’t no goddamned nickname. You only started that because you.. Dude, why did you start that?” Dean asked, laying on the couch, turning his phone screen on and off out of boredom before opening up a text to send to Sam, asking his opinion on the situation.

 

“Dude you bought eight pies when we met, it was bound to happen.” Charlie said, coming out of her room while pulling her head through a Uni sweatshirt.

 

“Shut up.” Dean scowled, well tried to scowl at least.

 

“You love me. Go get your computer and we’ll figure it out.” Dean nodded and went to let himself back into his apartment to retrieve his laptop and charger. He didn’t bother to knock on Charlie’s door this time, but found Benny on the couch. The woman worked fast.

 

“If you both make me look stupid I won’t forgive you.” Dean warned before setting the computer on the coffee table in front of the couch that they were all now seated on. Well Charlie was technically on Dean’s lap with her legs over Benny’s.

 

“You’ll forgive, and love us all the same.” Charlie laughed before reaching out and turning on the webcam without warning.

 

“So you want to learn more about my little Pie, now do you? Well the bastard practically knocked down my door because of you so get out your notebook because class is in session.” Oh god. Dean couldn’t help but gulp.

 

“He’s an Aquarius,” Dean shifted uncomfortably underneath her. “Calm down that’s a pretty broad spectrum. Anyway, he acts like he’s some badass soldier but he’s a freaking softie. Right now is his favorite time of the year because of all the pie and since the stores start selling these pumpkin pie pop-tarts that will be the reason he dies of a heart attack at twenty-five. He thinks he’s all smooth with guys but honestly he’s so not.” Benny stole away Dean’s phone while Dean was blushing and hiding his face in Charlie’s hair.

 

“Your brother says to stop being a jerk and just tell him.” Benny smirks.

 

“How am I being a jerk? I asked the bitch for advice, ungrateful shit. If he thinks I’m paying for his dinner now, he’s sadly mistaken.” Dean grumbled, telling an obvious lie.

 

“Once I did his makeup while he was asleep, he looked pretty adorable.”

 

“Charlie! What the hell!”

 

“I’m doing you a favor, shut the hell up. Anyway,” She said, pressing her hand into Dean’s face. “He’s a self deprecating bastard who does anything to sabotage himself so don’t expect anything less--” Dean interrupted her,  “I’m not self deprecating!”

 

“Yes you are. Lastly, the little shit lives in the same little time zone as you. Call him Zep or something, he’d probably like that. By the way, you’re dreamy and I don’t even bat for your team. So do what you will with this information, just don’t hurt him. Because then I’d be forced to find your credit card information and financially ruin you.”

 

“She told my girlfriend the same thing, but she totally means it so for the love of God, kid, keep your nose clean.” Benny groaned, not wanting this to turn into a court case.

 

“God I feel like I’m on a sitcom.” Dean complained before turning the webcam off. But not before smiling, and saving. Later before posting he added three seconds of video.

 

“Just don’t call me Pie, Angel.”


	8. (Hush. I will find you another day.)

 

Cas had a quick lunch after sending off his response, and he was wiping bread crumbs off his lips when his notification sounded. He got up and sat down with his laptop, lying back and pulling it up onto his chest to watch the video.

 

He smiled as he watched D interact with his friends, enjoying Charlie’s teasing words and Benny’s contributions.

 

He opened his camera, lifting his laptop up and balancing it on his stomach as he spoke. “I’m lying on my couch right now, so ignore the awkward positioning. I’m just too lazy to sit up properly.”

 

He smiled, blue eyes bright and happy. “It’s nice to meet you, Charlie and Benny. That was very informative, and I thank you for that. I am a Gemini, so there’s that… And my favorite time of year is now also, because of the leaves changing color and how the weather give me cause to wear layers of scarves and sweaters…” He grinned at that, blushing. “The candy doesn’t hurt, either.”

 

He talked about his favorite pop-tarts, the S’mores ones, and how he likes to make them even worse by making S’mores dip and dipping them in. “They’re the absolute best, and if and when we meet, I will teach you how to make the dip. It’s perfect, and I promise you won’t regret it.” He said, giving a blushing smile.

 

After a little while, Cas got uncomfortable in his lying-down position, so he set his computer on a couch cushion and sat up. “Be right back, don’t go anywhere.” He said, then stood up and walked to the kitchen to get some water, unknowingly giving the camera a lengthy view of his jean-clad ass.

 

Once he was back in the room, he sat down cross-legged and curled his hands around the glass, taking sips from it every now and then while he talked. “I think I’ll call you Kansas. They’re one of my favorite bands, you like classic rock, and well… You live there, if the University of Kansas sweatshirt Charlie is wearing is anything to go by.”

 

Right then, Castiel heard Gabe clomping into the dorm, and he smiled. “Here’s my brother. His name’s Gabriel, but feel free to call him Gabe.” He said, shifting the computer towards Gabe, who smiled and waved.

 

“Hello, Daniel.” Gabriel said, and Castiel rolled his eyes. “My brother seems to have developed a crush on you, and with good reason.” Castiel blushed and pulled the computer back toward himself, smiling a small smile.

 

“Ignore him. He shamelessly flirts with anything that walks. And he likes screwing me over with new friends by looking them up and finding extensive knowledge on all the reasons I shouldn’t associate with them, as well as their criminal records…” Gabe interrupted him here, and exclaimed, “that was one time!” Castiel sighs, shaking his head and smiling.

 

“Anyway, as I was saying, my brother has grown a crush on you, and who wouldn’t, you handsome devil, and I just want to say that if you hurt his little twinky ass--Physically  or emotionally--I’ll hurt you worse.” Gabriel threatened, eyes fierce before his face relaxed into a warm smile. Castiel was covering his face in his hands at this point, groaning in embarrassment.

 

“I should never allow Gabe into my videos, wouldn’t you agree, Kansas?” He asked, shooting a glare at his brother between spread fingers.

 

Gabriel perked up at the nickname, and then he said, “Oh! You’ve got a nickname for him now? What the hell, why’d you choose Kansas?” Castiel grinned, blushing still, then responded, “Well, his last video is with his friends, and his friend Charlie is wearing a U of Kansas sweater. Kansas is my favorite classic rock band, and he likes classic rock, so it seemed fitting.”

 

Gabriel raised his eyebrows and nodded. “That’s surprisingly reasonable.” He muttered, going to his room to put away his backpack and change from his running clothes.

 

Castiel took the chance of privacy to say, “Sorry about my brother. He’s an asshole, but I love him. He’s a drama major, and he tends to exhibit the character traits of one as well.” He shrugged as if to say, What can you do?, then looked up to see Gabe return.

 

He and Gabe talked to the camera for nearly a half hour more, and by the time it was drawing to a close, Castiel had a bad crick in his neck. He stretched, yawning as his head tilted back, tendons in sharp relief against his pale skin, his tee and plaid shirt riding up to reveal a stark, thick black cross tattooed over the groove of one hipbone. “Alright, it’s time that we should go. I have some homework due tomorrow, doing the noun declensions of feminine and masculine form in Latin. Have a good night, Kansas.” He murmured, smiling at the light before clicking off and sending it away.

 


	9. Our humanity is long gone

Later on, still in Charlie’s apartment, things were a little crazy. After watching the seriously long reply, Dean was living on his own little cloud. It was embarrassing. He didn’t even care that his state was outed. It didn’t reveal that he was actually from here. It’d probably emotionally cripple him for a week, as sad as that is. It would mean people eventually finding things out about his past and more personal details that he wasn’t comfortable with.

 

“My little Pie is growin’ up, Benny!” Charlie exclaimed, sitting on her stove top, swinging her legs.

 

“Who knew that he’d ever move past his ‘I’m an independent woman who don’t need no man.’ phase.” Benny sighed, placing a hand over his heart dramatically.

 

“I don’t need no man!” Dean cheered from the living room, surfing channels.

 

“Then why are you trying to think of something witty to say to the poor bastard?” Charlie sang out into a wooden spoon.

 

“Maybe I’m just a harmless flirt, woman!” Dean joked, okay, that’s such bull that it hurts. Dean hasn’t been flirting with people for ages, someone thought he was a virgin at one point because of it. Really weird conversation that night.

 

Dean’s phone buzzed, “You’ve corrupted this dude already, man.” He rolled his eyes at the phone, stupid Sam thinking he was funny. Okay maybe it was a little funny. But what was funnier was Sam’s girlfriend Jess doing his makeup on their own channel. He had even had little pig tails up, if that isn’t love then Dean didn’t know what the hell love was. They were always posting those couple videos you find in the suggestions, though most of them were downright embarrassing.

 

Somehow he’d gotten roped into having Jess in one of his videos pretending to be his girlfriend for the girlfriend tag, though after it was made obvious that Jess was Sammy’s girlfriend. So in honesty it was just something funny to do on a Sunday afternoon while Sam was cramming for midterms.

 

Benny had stolen Dean’s laptop at that point, taking it into the kitchen with him and Charlie to make their own sneaky response of their own. Entirely on the basis of making a fool of Dean.

  
  


They quickly started up the camera, turning it on Dean who was completely oblivious.

 

“There is the wild YouTuber, in his natural habitat. Mooching off my cable service to watch the stupidest show in existence.” Charlie whispered as Dean readjusted himself, so that he was sitting upside-down on the couch with his legs hanging off from the back.

 

“You know, you can’t tell how tall this guy is in a normal video, since it’s chest up. But look at this monster.” Benny added, using his hand as a scale.

 

“You want a beer, Deanna?” Charlie mocked, laughing. Dean scowled at her, “Not my name, Charlie… Are you recording me?”

 

“That’s confidential information. Maybe you should have just responded instead of trying to be all cool and smooth, sweetie.” She cooed, smiling.

 

“Oh yes, because me replying while drooling over his body is so okay.” Dean said, with a roll of his eyes.

 

“Brother, just say some stuff about yourself for once, instead of having us do it.” Benny tsked, uncapping a beer for himself.

 

“I’m awesome, that’s all the world needs to know.”

 

Charlie groaned, “This tough guy act isn’t working for me,” She complained. “He acts dumb, you know, but he’s going to graduate-school next year for mechanical engineering. And honestly I’ve never met someone who understood Vonnegut except him. It’s creepy. He’s too emotionally involved with his car and guitar, and can’t socialize for crap.” Dean stared at her.

 

“Don’t post that,” He said sternly, though he knew that Charlie would.

 

Charlie ignored him and continued talking, “We were celebrating his birthday this year he used his money on Sam. Selfless bastard made us look bad. Why can’t you buy my books for me, Deanna.” She pouted.

 

“Not my name.” He frowned.

 

“It’s better than D. D means dick, while you are a dick, people don’t want to say it.” Dean’s phone was ringing so he stopped paying attention to pick it up.

 

“Sam? You alright?.. I’ll be there as soon as I can. No, don’t worry about it. Just stay awake you idiot,” He ordered before hanging up. “Sam hit his head, I gotta scoot. Charlie, if I’m not in class take notes for me?” She nodded as he left the apartment in a hurry. A few moments passed before the computer was turned on the two of them.

 

“Well, that’s another look into D’s all too dramatic life. Them Kansas men can’t stay out of trouble. Sam, when you watch this later, I hope you know we almost got his little heart out of that cage. Oh, Castiel, his favorite songs are Ramble On and Travelling Riverside Blues. Keep that in mind.” She winked before ending the feed and sending it into the oblivion that is YouTube.

 

“Hey, Benny, you still have the video of Dean dancing around his apartment in his underwear?”

 

“Of course, why?”

 

“Oh, nothing.” She sang.

 


	10. Crash. And It's gone.

Once Castiel had finished off his homework, he felt his hands itching towards his laptop, and he gave in after a moment of doubt that D would have responded yet.

 

He opened up the page and grinned when he saw a new notification. When he clicked on it, he was surprised to see Benny and Charlie, talking and laughing, filming D apparently without his knowledge. They had hijacked his laptop, it appeared, and were joking around, filming him sprawled upside-down on the couch.

 

When D mentioned ‘drooling over his body’, Cas turned beet red and covered his face in his hands. He hadn’t thought he’d really showed off much of his body, so after he finished the video that Charlie and Benny had posted, he played his own out of curiosity. He didn’t see anything until later, when he’d gotten up to get water and the screen was basically just his ass in his tight jeans, and then later still, when he’d yawned and stretched.

 

He blushed when he realized that he’d inadvertently shown the world the tattoo on his hip, and he was just glad that D seemed to like it, or what he’d seen anyway.

 

He wondered if D would want to see his other tattoos, and it made him shiver to think of D seeing the wings splayed over his shoulder blades, or the simple line of Latin down the back of one thigh, or the woman on his side, her clean-cut suit and golden hair stark in contrast with the absence of her face.

 

Cas shook the thought away, then decided to respond to the video. He turned on his cam, pursing his lips as the light blinked on. “Hello, Kansas.” He started with a smile. “I realise I accidentally showed off some of my tattoos in my last video, and I’m very flattered that you seem to have appreciate it so much.” He grinned, blushing.

 

“Do you have any tats?” He asked, looking at the camera inquisitively. “Cause um… I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” He muttered, looking at the camera for a second before he turned away to hide his blush. “I’m really never this brazen, you should just ignore everything that comes out of my mouth that could even be remotely suggestive.” He added, closing his eyes in an awkward moment.

 

“Um… Anyway. Sorry my last response was so long. My brother tends to talk…. And talk… And talk, you know?” He said, peeking up through his lashes before he looked directly at the camera. “And I know you probably didn’t even know this video was going up, but I heard at the end that Sam hit his head. I hope he’ll be okay. Good luck!” He said, the question of why Sam had called D rather than their father still stuck in his mind.

 

But he didn’t want to pry.

 

“Um, I don’t really know what else to say, but…” Gabriel yells from his room, “Tell Don I said hi!!” Cas chuckled and turned back to the screen. “Sorry about that. Gabriel wanted me to say hi to you for him. So… Hi.”

 

His eyes darted off-screen some nervousness rising in his throat as he tried to think of a normal way to end the video. He thinks of something after a minute, and he slowly flicks his eyes back to the rec light, and asks, “Oh, what was that thing about Deanna? Charlie kept saying it, but you were really adamant that it wasn’t your name… I mean… Deanna doesn’t sound like a name at all, but it sounds like maybe Dean is a potential candidate?”

 

He scratched at the back of his neck awkwardly, looking down at the keys on his keyboard. “I really don’t want to pry, or overstep any boundaries, especially since that defeats the whole purpose of contacting you in the first place, but… Maybe it wouldn’t be too back if we knew your name?” He suggested quietly, blue eyes hopeful as they drag back up to the light.

 

“Anyway… Good night, and I hope Sam heals well. Bye, Kansas.” He signed off, sending the video and closing his laptop. He sighed, hands on his knees, and then he got up and decided to take a shower.

 

“Gabe, i’m gonna take a shower.” He called out toward Gabe’s room, and heard a responding hum. He shrugged, then went and found a towel and walked over to the bathroom.

 

The shower was scalding hot, which was strangely comforting to him as it slid over the planes of his body, pulsing warmth kneading into his muscles and bones and leaving him leaning limply against the wall for support. He was beat, dead tired, and after about forty minutes of standing in the same spot, he got up the energy to grab the soap and clean himself up. He scrubbed shampoo and conditioner through his hair, and when he finally stepped out, he felt looser, more relaxed.

 

He hadn’t eaten any dinner, but he brushed his teeth anyway, ignoring the frustrated grumble of protest his stomach made. Food didn’t interest him, not after his most recent video response. He felt kind of weird. And he’d kept alluding to his mother, and it was just screwing him up mentally, making him feel saggy and defeated.

 

He slunk off to bed, blue eyes closing to the thrum of doubt in the back of his mind.

 

D_Winchester has dropped off the YouTube-Facebook map ever since Sam's accident. But that was two days ago. Dean Winchester, however, was sitting in his brother’s open hospital bed as the doctors brought Sam upstairs to scan him one last time before they can release him.  Thankfully, the Saint that is Charlie brought him his laptop because the next few hours would be filled with paperwork and weird doctor questions. Sam had really done one on his head, just because you're sober, doesn't mean you can do stupid things now. Why hasn't the world learned to just stop being idiots.

 

Dean opened his laptop which had his public email open, as well as YouTube and Facebook. After watching Cas' video, he straightened up. Full aware of how much he was about to share, despite the fact that he looked like crap. He hasn’t showered in two days, his hair was greasy and flat, and he had a dark black bruise under his eye. It wasn’t attractive at all.

 

Then he found himself clicking record, feeling rigid and nervous. “I look awful, I know. I’ve barely ate or slept since I came into the hospital. Haven’t left this room unless I had to take a leak. God I hate hospitals. Good thing we’re leaving soon. I probably could have waited until I got home but I felt bad leaving on a note like that.” He took a deep breath, rubbing his eyes, wincing when brushing over the angry bruise, followed by a long, disgusting sip from his water bottle.

 

“I have two tattoos actually, give me a second…” He mumbled before sitting up to take off his long sleeve sweatshirt.

 

“While I’m getting this off, just let me explain why I can’t tell you my name. Names.. They track you everywhere you go. I have some really awful stuff in my past that I don’t want the world to know about. Where I live, people know my story, but not my story.They just know what they saw on the news or saw online. Once I say my name, they know, oh it’s that poor, poor boy. They pity. You’d pity me too. I know you’ve got internet. So.. I don’t want you to see the worst decisions of my life. Two events and suddenly I have a lifetime supply of pity and tears that I don’t want. Just because I said my name. Saying my name changes how people see me. So...No.” Dean was out of his tops by now, showing bare-bruised skin and countless scars that he didn’t even try to hide. Simply shrugging it off, as if to say can’t change the past.

 

“First tattoo is on my shoulder, two dates with an infinity symbol between them.” It was true, December 5th 1964 - November 2nd 1995.

 

“The first date, even though I wasn’t around yet, is a happy one. At least that’s what I like to think. The second date is the worst day of my life, ever. It’s a day I will never forgive myself for. God never.” He whispered before shaking it off. “Don’t matter, it’s a stupid tattoo.” He lied. It’s not stupid. It’s everything.

 

“The second one is on my wrist, as uh. Uhm--It’s a reminder to not hurt myself-f,” He stuttered, showing the tattoo up to the camera as well the the thick white scars. “They’re the last words my Mom will ever say to me.” You could hear him sniffing, so he took a moment to compose himself before finishing.

 

“Not many people have such bad things in their past that they never want to say their own name ever again, Cas. You have a name, I just have bad memories.” If Dean was being honest, it wasn’t water in his water bottle. It’s been really rough these past two days. With the anniversary of his mothers death only a few days ago, as well as Dad being...Dad, and Sam hurt. Dean couldn’t deal.

 

“Well, this was sad again. Worse actually. Ew I actually have feelings, I need to go shower them away. Bye guys.” He didn’t do his normal smile or wave, just shut it down and posted. He felt ill for sharing that much, physically ill.

 

“Sam Winchester is ready for discharge!” The doctor said happily, looking to Dean who grinned.

 

“That’s great, buddy! I’ll call a cab and we’ll be out of these nice nurses hair. Sound good?”

 

“Dean are you okay? What’s wrong with your car? Are you--”

 

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll explain it later.”

 

He didn’t.


	11. I've Marked By You

Castiel had been growing worried about Sam and D, so when D finally posted a video on Youtube, Castiel let out a relieved breath and clicked on the link.

 

What he saw didn't make him feel any better.

 

D was haggard, with matted-down hair and a black eye. He looked awful, and Cas wanted to fix whatever was going on. He wanted to be there for him, physically there, with him and be able to curl an arm around his shoulders.

 

It hurt Cas, watching D speak about his life, about things that made his voice get rougher, harsher and more raw. It hurt to see him talk about something that he obviously blamed himself for.

 

When Castiel responded, he watched the light flick on and just looked at it for a few moments, thinking of D and all that needed to be said.

 

"Kansas... Long time, no speak." Cas started off slow, his voice rough as he prepared himself for what he was going to share. "But here, since you shared your tattoos with me, I'll share mine with you. The first one I'm going to speak about is the least meaningful to me, and I'm going to go on into I get to the last one. It's based off of something in my past that defined a large period of my life, and still does, sometimes."

 

Castiel sighed, looking down at his hands. "The first tattoo is on my hip. It's just a thick, black cross." He said, standing and lifting the hem of his button-down to reveal it. "It's a symbol for religion itself, and I have it there to constantly remind me how religion can twist someone. It seems innocent, but it can--and often does--ruin lives."

 

He dropped the hem of his shirt, then sat again. "Hang on, I have to change out of these pants to show you my next tattoo." He said, then paused the recording to get up and change into a pair of loose khaki shorts.

 

He sat back down again to start recording again, and then stood. He turned and lifted the back of the left leg of his shorts, revealing a line of cursive Latin. He turned around again, and sat down before saying, "It says 'Memento Mori'. It means remember you will die. I know it seems a little morbid, or depressing, but I actually have it in the hopes of comfort. That death is the only constant in life. In life, so shall there be death, and I hope it will be a comfort rather than a threat."

 

Castiel looked down at his hands again, and when he looked back up, his voice became deep and grave. "My next tattoo is in memory of my mother. She called me her little angel, so I got this tattoo in memory of that." He turned around once more, then slowly unbuttoned his shirt, fingers numbly slipping the buttons through their loops. He slid it off, revealing two black wings inked and flowing down his back.

 

He dipped his head, his muscles working beneath the inked skin as he drew in on himself a bit. He'd never shared this with anyone he hadn't met or known for an extended period of time, and the knowledge of it has his breaths coming shorter, reminiscent of the panic attacks he used to have as a child.

 

"The next tattoo ties them all together. It happened when I was five. My mother... Well, my mother was a religious woman, and she believed that God spoke to her. One day, a woman named--now you might recognise this name--Bela Talbot came to our door. She was a traveling con artist, and she sold counterfeit items. We didn't know this, and she seemed to simply be attempting to sell some handbags or something of the sort."

 

Cas took a deep, shuddering breath, feeling tears pool in his eyes. He closed his eyes, feeling hot tears roll down his cheeks, and his breath hitches in as he opens his mouth to continue speaking. "I was hanging on my mother's arm, plastered to her side and looking at Bela. She was beautiful, with long, wavy golden hair and flawless skin and a pair of inviting green eyes. I remember envying that beauty, wishing I could be pretty like her. And then, my mother pulled out a gun and shot Bela twice in the head."

 

Cas's voice faltered, and he wiped at his eyes frustratedly before forging on with his story. "Bela died, of course. No one would survive two shots to the head from two feet away. No one would survive the way her head was shattered, the skull practically pulverised with the shots. So, here's my tattoo..." He muttered, turning and showing his left side, the faceless woman in her clean suit and flowing blonde hair.

 

"I had her face left blank because I don't think that there is any expression she could have been drawn with that would in any way portray what happened and how it affected me. Being without a face makes her retain her story, keep the horror and depression and all the fucked up things I carry around with me to this day." He murmured, voice just above a whisper.

 

"I'm probably posting something that will just worsen your mood, since no one wants to know about another person's painful shit, but here you go anyway. I hope Sam is doing well. Good night, Kansas." Castiel murmured softly, turning and looking at the camera with watery blue eyes.

 

He sent off the video and then closed his laptop, wrapping his arms around his knees. Gabe came out and sat next to him, curling an arm around his shoulders and bringing him close to his side.

 

“I heard the response… Do you want to do anything special tonight? We could go out and get drunk, or maybe go bowling… We haven’t done that in a while. Want to do that? I’ll buy you one of those giant milkshakes from the place next door.” Castiel cuddled into Gabe’s side, the tears falling steadily, and he shook his head.

 

He sniffled and then he muttered, “Can we just stay in tonight? Watch The Breakfast Club and some cheesy horror movies and eat too much popcorn?” He looked up at Gabe, who nodded. “Of course. Anything you want, Cassy.”

  
Castiel nodded, curling up close to Gabe and muttering, “Thanks, Gabe.” Gabe shrugged and rested his head against Castiel’s. “It’s nothing, brother.” He said, and then grabbed the VCR remote next to him and set it to rewind, knowing that The Breakfast Club would be in it.


	12. Why Can't I protect you?

Things only got worse for Dean’s state of being as the night went on. Drinking leads to bad choices, which leads to worse choices. That is how he finds himself in front of his computer with a nearly empty bottle of whiskey in hand.

 

“I’m an awful person you know,” He mumbled, rearranging the ace bandages that Charlie had wrapped around his arms like a mother hen earlier that night. “I’m an awful person and I don’t even try to deny it. I try to change, sure, but I’ll always be that person.” He stopped to take a long drink.

 

“I hurt people, I was carved into a twisted monster, a new animal, and I didn’t even realize until it was too late. By that point I was so far gone that no one could find me. Well except Charlie, but the girls a hacker. She drove over five hours and honestly if she didn’t find me when she did, we wouldn’t be havin’ this here lovely conversation. I will never forgive myself for the past..Eighteen years of my pitiful excuse of a life. Scuse me while I go drink until I black out, driving myself further down the road of insanity. Been there, done that, wanna go again. Bye you sexy mother fuckers.” He said with a dark smile. The kind that are bone-deep-terrifying. He got up, not realizing the video was still going, and stumbled across the room and turned on his stereo, honestly it wasn’t his typical kind of music. Wasn’t bad though either. A more modern rock, Dean swore he’d heard this song before, since he was yelling parts left and right.

 

“I _hate this town, it’s so washed up, all my friends don’t give a fuck. They tell me it’s just bad luck, where will I find where I fit in?_ ” He yelled, starting to toss things around in fits of frustration and heart break. Pillows, records, all his class notes and papers. Things were breaking against his walls and at this point he didn’t care. Obviously after a minute, it worried people, because there was yelling and pounding on his locked bedroom door.

 

What she was saying was completely muffled by the music and his yelling, the sound of records shattering on the wall.

 

After a considerable amount of time, his computer was beeping. “Video has reached maximum length.” So Dean just started pressing OK on every window that YouTube opened up, he couldn’t even read the words on the screen, just wanting it to stop. He wanted everything to stop. Charlie was still banging on his door, “Dean, hun, whatever it is, just come out and talk to me.” He threw open the door, looking shaken and broken. She could see behind him the mess, and just pulled him down into a hug. Dean didn’t bother to fight it. Over his shoulder, one more pop up opened. ‘Your Video Has Been Posted!’ But he didn’t see it as Charlie dragged him out of the room and apartment, instead taking him back to her apartment, setting up a makeshift bed on the sofa as the alcohol lulled him to sleep. His dreams were plagued by his own screaming.

 

Charlie woke up that morning to the unpleasant sounds of Dean bent over the toilet. She threw off her blanket to go make him the best hangover coffee and breakfast she could possibly make. She owed him that much, after all. Sure, lately, she’s been saving his ass more and more, but that isn’t how things started. Charlie had been walking home late one night near the base where Dean had been training, and some men started pushing her around, harassing her. Then suddenly there he was, pulling out a gun yelling ‘You are on the property of the US Army, get the hell down!’ He’d been in civilian clothes at the time, so Charlie was starting to think he was a creepy army nut. But then he offered to take her to a diner down the road till she could calm down, where he proceeded to buy eight whole pies. His response being that people on the base liked to steal pie, so he had to buy mass quantities if he even wanted a bite.

 

Soon after, he’d taken her home, when she learned that they were literally so close that it was shocking they’d never met before. Apparently he hadn’t been to his apartment in weeks between his brother, work, and school. But after that, he’d started to be home a lot more.

 

When Dean walked into the kitchen looking squeamish and partially zombified, his face was practically begging her to not ask what all that was about. Even though he knew she had to.

 

Charlie looked him dead in the eyes. “Dean Winchester, you are not an animal.” She deadpanned. He didn’t respond.

 

“You know who the animals are? Alistair, those guys you pulled a gun on the night we met, hell my professors are more animalistic than you. Don’t you dare start thinking you’re an animal.” He couldn’t even look her in the eyes.

 

“Fine, don’t believe me, but I’m right. I always am.” She smiled, pushing a plate of food and mug in front of him.

 

“One of these days I’ve got to marry you, just for the food. We could do one of those weird open marriages.” She rolled her eyes at him before going to get ready for her job, leaving Dean to his food and thoughts.


	13. This is plain torture.

 

Dean rubbed his eyes, replaying the short video over and over, like a sick form of punishment. He’d watched his own video twenty minutes before, when he’d first seen Cas’ response. He felt a sick twist of regret in his stomach. It only made everything feel worse, Sam along with Jess had come to stay with Dean for the past two days since Dean made an ass out of himself. Making him sleep, shower, take care of himself. Most of all he helped Dean repair the fixable things he’d broken, and replace what wasn’t.

 

Before he opened his camera, he got a notification that “SamNJess.” Uploaded a video. So that’s what they were doing out there. It was titled “RE: I’m Sorry by AngelOfThursday” Which made him entirely nervous. Though that was slightly dissipated when he saw Sam covered in temporary tattoos. He swore he didn’t want to know when he’d seen them in person, and he swore he still didn’t want to know.

 

Before they started talking, he could see himself walk through the room in the background in only a towel, which made them freeze up.

 

“Hey Jess, have you seen my keys?” He asked, taking a drink from a juice carton.

 

“Why? You’re naked!” She squeaked, looking back making sure Dean couldn’t see what they were doing. He was too busy looking through the assortments of cereal boxes.

 

“I have a towel, hush. Really, though. I told Benny I’d go to the doctor today. I stalled as long as I could.” He complained, digging his hand into the box, not bothering with a bowl or spoon, let alone milk.

 

“Check your pants!” She called while Sam was checking his phone, trying to look sneaky. giving the camera weird looks. The video cut there, to a little after where Dean was calling out goodbyes.

 

“That was close. Anyway,” Jess started after the door slammed shut. “I’d just like to say that D for right now isn’t going to be staying alone for a while. No worries there.” Sam pointed out before Jess continued.

 

“He hasn’t even seen your video, Castiel. Honestly, the tattoo one. He wasn’t flipping shit at you, though it looked that way. D doesn’t yell like that unless it’s for himself.” Sam silently confirmed that. “It’s just how he’s always been, ever since I met him. Before actually, Sam says he’s always been like this. Tough guy, but he’s just lost. Have you ever felt lost before? Like suddenly you have no direction in this world? It’s scary, isn’t it? Imagine feeling like you’ve never had a purpose. He wasn’t even in kindergarten before the rug was ripped out. He’s got a little more footing now, but not before losing it all a second time.” She sighed before looking at Sam as if to say, ‘Your turn.’

 

“He’s my brother, and I love him, hell he’ll probably see this so hey -bleep-” He smiled, waving at the camera. “I really hope you don’t think this is your fault, Castiel. He was drunk, and unhappy. -bleep- doesn’t have much anymore. Maybe some self pride and family, but he threw most of it away. This is his story so I’m not going to go telling you anything important, just know that it wasn’t you. The family should have been there when he needed it, and we failed him for a long time. Please know we’re doing our best.”

 

Dean leaned back in his chair before opening up his camera, not cracking a bit of a smile. “I am so sorry. I’m.. I’m such an ass.” He sighed, dropping his head down.

 

“While I don’t approve of them going around my back, or showing me in a towel.. Glad they did I guess, or I would have probably just said something really hateful about myself and then pretended I was never born. Man,” He said, shaking his head.

 

“I was in love once. Well. I thought I was. But I got burned so badly that I never got over it. Now you see this, commitment-phobic, alcohol reliant, jackass. I can’t even be home alone, I’m twenty-two for God’s sake. I don’t think this is lawful!” He complained, trying really hard to make a joke.

 

“Man, I’m old. If you wanna forget we ever talked, that’s your call. But I hope..I hope you don’t.” Dean posted the video before he could regret it.

 

“Dean! Pizza is here!” Sam called from the other room, making him sigh and close the computer. When they were all sat around the table, Jess was the first to speak up.

 

“How was the doctor?”

 

Dean took a bite of pizza, “I know what you did, little Miss. Innocent.” He smiled, “Before you start, Samantha, I’m not mad. Just no more nudies without my knowledge, alright?”

.

“Charlie’s video was so much worse.”

 

“Saywhatnow?” A few minutes later, practically the whole floor could hear, “Charlie!!”

 


	14. He stopped and stared

Castiel checked his Youtube towards the end of the day, and he was surprised to see three videos waiting for him: One from Charlie, which depicted D dancing around in his underwear, one from Sam and his girlfriend, Jessica, and one from D himself. He saved the one from D for last, and clicked on Charlie’s first.

He was met with a video of D dancing around an apartment in his underwear, which he had to admit was an interesting video, to say the least. If his mouth was hanging open by the end because of D’s truly talented hips, that was neither here nor there.

The next video showed Jessica apologising about D’s last video, and explaining that D hadn’t yet seen his own response, which made him feel relieved. But also explaining D more as a person, from two of the people who knew him best in the world.

He hesitated before clicking on Kansas’s response, nervous about what it would hold. However, it was just a very sober, apologetic Kansas.

Once Castiel finished the video, he felt better, and he started off his response with a smile. “It’s okay, Kansas, I don’t even know if you’ve seen the tattoo video but,... I accept your apology, as unneeded as it is. It’s okay. You don’t need to apologise for having a shitty week and a dependence on alcohol, though I think it would be best if you worked on the dependence. I’d hate to see you go down that road.”

Castiel bit his lip, looking at the camera for a long moment, and then he murmured, “I don’t want to stop talking to you though. We both have our issues, you with alcoholism, me with not eating. Yes, that’s right. I don’t eat when I get in the sort of mood that causes you to pick up a bottle of Jack. I’m working on it.” Castiel sighed, looking down and thinking about what else to say.

“Just… Don’t worry. You aren’t the only person out there who thinks that certain things are their fault, and you aren’t the only person out there who beats themselves up about it. I should really have Gabe come on here for a video to talk about our sister Lucy’s death. He blames himself for it, and a lot of my family agrees. They sort of… They sort of shunned us, because of me sticking up for him, and because of the thing with my mom when I was five. They’re a bit superstitious, you could say, and apparently death follows us everywhere. Because obviously, it must have been my fault that Bela died and our mother killed herself, or Gabe’s with Lucy, or our dog in tenth grade. The only family members that still give Gabe and I the time of day are Anna, who is in a mental hospital, and Michael, who is probably on his way too.” Castiel shook his head, blinking away sudden tears. “So yeah, Gabe blames himself too much for something that was out of his hands. And I’m willing to bet you probably do, too.”

Castiel scrubbed a hand over the stubble on his cheek, blue eyes fixed on the camera. “Look, all I’m trying to say is that I understand what it’s like to fall into that dirt pit, and then pull in all of that guilt and self-hate and shame until you’ve buried yourself alive. Trust me, it isn’t healthy. Gabe and I battle it constantly. Because I know that there isn’t a single person that isn’t worth it. Because Gabe and I are worth it, and you are too.”

Castiel paused, looking at the little red light, biting his lower lip. “I’m sorry to hear about your last relationship. Personally, I think that anyone who doesn’t see your worth isn’t worth thinking over. I… I think you’re a great guy. You’re funny, obviously smart, you’ve got good taste in music and you’re good to your brother and friends. Anyone who would abuse someone like you--physically or mentally, it’s still abuse--Anyone who would do that isn’t worth the heartache.

  
“I’m gonna go now. I hope you take what I said to heart. And I hope I can help you. Have a good night, Kansas.” Castiel signed off, sending the video and standing up, going out to the living room to find the rest of those brownies.


	15. He Held Out his hand for you

Dean spent the next morning posting the stupidest Facebook statuses he could muster up while bored in a lecture. Most little confessions that didn’t mean much. ‘When I was in third grade I told Sammy that lady parts would bite him.’, ‘I just carved my initials into my desk.’, ‘Did you know you can fake intoxication by telling yourself that you’re drunk?’, ‘Tighty whities are a friggin sin.’

 

“Mr. Winchester! Get off your phone!” Professor Mosley called from the front, making him blush and sheepishly oblige. So by the time the lecture was over, he raked in too many comments to read them all. Some were funny, and some were just mean. But he kept posting statuses on the way back to his apartment.

 

‘Sam asked Ellen a few months later if her hooha would attack him in the night, scared the bejeesus out of her.’, ‘I’ve had a girlfriend before, not a fun time.’, ‘I tend to be a whore when drunk.’, ‘I told my dad once that I wanted to be a pretty pretty princess. It didn’t go over well.’

 

When Dean opened the apartment door, Jess was in hysterics, while Sam had the bitchface of a lifetime.

 

“I’m so mad at you,” He grunted, while Jess was catching her breath.

 

“Did he--Did he really ask your cousin to marry him on Christmas?” She gasped, making Dean grin.

 

“Sure did, there’s a video around here someone, VHS. If you can find it, it’s all yours, pretty lady.” He winked, earning a deeper bitchface from Sam.

 

“You’re such an ass.” He complained.

 

“Yeah, well, we can’t all be perfect, Samantha.” Dean grinned, getting a beer from the fridge.

 

“Hell to the fucking no, Dean!” Sam yelled, getting up quickly to take it from him.

 

“It’s just beer!”

 

“Then whiskey, then vodka, then you’re like Dad.” Sam said, completely serious. Dean held up his hands as if to say, ‘You’re in charge.’

 

“It’s your world, Sammy, I’m just livin’ in it.” He laughed as Jess came back into the room, frowning.

 

“Can’t find it?” Sam smirked, earning a scowl followed by a tongue poking out of her mouth.

 

“It’s in a container marked blackmail, I don’t know how you could have missed it.” Dean teased, sending Jess back on the hunt.

 

“That girl will make a damn good sister in a law some day.”

 

“Don’t get embarrassing, ‘sides, you can’t tell her!”

 

“Waiting for the right moment, huh Samantha?” Dean waggled his eyebrows, earning an eyeroll.

 

“Least I’m not the one borrowing his little brothers girlfriend for lame videos!” Sam sang, drinking from the stolen beer.

 

“I’m not the one in the temporary tattoos, make up, pig tails.. Shall I go on?” Sam opened his mouth to answer but was interrupted by a screech of victory from Dean’s bedroom.

 

“Sammy, cmon! We’re watching this!” Jess squealed, jumping onto the couch, Dean got up and went to his bedroom to give the happy couple some space. So he sat down in front of his computer and watched Castiel’s newest response, then started his camera to film his reaction then response.

 

“You think I’m worth it?” Dean mumbled, looking down at his lap, “Well Angel, you’re worth it. So is Gabe.” He took a deep breath, lightly slapping his face to get back into the real world.

 

“Okay, guys, I want to talk about abusive relationships.Another serious video, I know. But this one needs to be done, and think of it as a penance. So abusive relationships, they can happen all of a sudden, they’ll say they love you but then suddenly there’s this poisonous cloud around you two and you aren’t safe anymore. I want to be the one to tell you, that no one has the right to ever cause you harm. I don’t care if they’re just calling you names or threats, or full blown. I will fly to wherever you are and hand out some ass kickings. I’m terrified of flying so take this to heart, guys. Because there is no reason that they should be hurting you, I don’t care what you’ve done. Haven’t y’all heard of a hands-off policy. Let’s stick to that rule. Once it’s happened, it won’t stop.”

 

Dean took a deep breath before continuing, “I told myself ‘Oh it was a mistake.’, ‘I pushed him too far.’, ‘It’s my fault.’, Then suddenly I was in the hospital, and they thought-- No didn’t think, they were sure that I was going to die. My little brother almost lost his big brother, my friends nearly lost a loved one, My family nearly lost a son, I nearly lost myself. I wish someone had been there to save me. I’m a man who has the means to protect myself, but I didn’t. I couldn’t protect all the people he made me hurt, I couldn’t even protect myself. Listen to me clearly, ladies and gentlemen. If they hit you, just once, it’s over. Love you guys, keep safe. Before I forget, Cas, your tattoos are beautiful, like you. Bye guys.” His voice was filled with passion, frustration, and care. He was tired of seeing people believe they deserve this. It’s what he’d thought not so long ago. Sometimes he still thinks it. But now he knows, no one ever deserves it.

 

_I couldn’t save them._

 

Dean edited the video only slightly before sighing.

 

_Maybe I can save new ones instead._


	16. Who are you looking for?

Castiel watched the response, and by the end, he couldn't help but smile at Kansas's passionate voice, how invested he seemed.

He clicked record, looking at the camera and tugging the sleeves of his cream-colored cable knit sweater over his hands. "Hey, Kansas. I'm glad you shared with us. You know why? Because with that response, you just saved someone's life. There are countless people out there, watching these videos, and you just inspired someone to say that enough is enough. I'm proud of you, for that. For sharing something so personal. And I'm proud of you for still being around, today. I'm proud of you for picking yourself back up and having a life, after what happened. So, if anyone is watching right now, and I know people probably are because of Kansas... If anyone is watching this video, I want you to post videos of yourself, with your story. I want to know who is out there. I want to know how Kansas and I have affected you, whether for worse or better... But I sincerely hope its for the better."

Castiel paused, looking at the camera for a moment in uncertainty. "I've never done something like this. I don't ask things of people. I'm still getting used to doing this in the first place. But I hope maybe you'll do it. And hey, any of you out there who are afraid to get out of an abusive relationship, afraid of what he or she might do to you or your friends and family... I want you to talk to me, too."

"And thank you, Kansas. That was sweet, what you said about my tattoos. I don’t really know how to respond to that, I’m truthfully terrible with compliments, but really, thank you. Same goes for you. You’re absolutely gorgeous, and yes I know my face is as red as my beanie when I say that. But it’s true.” He murmured, eyes earnest.

“Anyway. I think it was really great of you to tell us about that, what little you did. It takes courage, and I’m glad you trusted us, trusted me specifically, enough to do that.” He said, and then looked up as Gabe came in the room. “Hey, Gabe’s here. Maybe he’ll sit down with me and tell you about Lucy.” He said, and he could see Gabe’s moment of discomfort. Then, Gabe nodded.   
“Sure.” He said, looking at Cas with something like nervousness in his eyes. “It’s okay, Gabe.” Cas murmured, looking at Gabe reassuringly. Gabe nodded, walking over to sit down. “Okay. Okay, I can do this.” He said, looking at the rec light.

After twenty minutes of talking, Gabe started to cry, which Castiel hadn’t seen coming. He moved closer to him, slinging an arm over his shoulders. “Hey, hey, it’s okay…” He murmured, rubbing Gabe’s back. Gabe nodded, wiping the tears from his face.

Gabe finished the story, and then Cas ended the video recording. He sent it off, and then he said, “Shall we go out tonight, then?” Gabe, of course, agreed, and they ended up going bowling.

The bowling alley was crowded, but the shoe guy was cute and flirtatious. After Cas’s second beer, he started to really get the ball rolling… Literally. For some reason, he’d always been a crappy bowler when sober, but get him buzzed or even drunk, and he’d give strike after strike after strike. Gabe, of course, was great at bowling no matter what his blood alcohol content was.

They finished the night with Gabe one hundred points ahead, and the both of them giddy with booze, leaning on each other as they walked back to the dorm building.

The next morning, Cas woke up with a faint hangover and the taste of stale beer in his mouth, and he rolled out of bed to turn on his laptop. It booted up, and he recorded a small message. “Gabe and I went bowling last night. I’m shitty unless I have booze in me, so this morning everything’s too bright and I feel faintly nauseous. But I hope your morning is good. And your afternoon. And your night. Just have a good day, Kansas.” He signed off after sending the video, then rolled over and went back to sleep, blissfully class-free that day.


	17. Long and slender

“Wake,” Smack. “Up,” Smack. “You Stupid,” Smack. “Bastard!” Sam yelled without any venom, smacking Dean on the back with a copy of Sports Illustrated. Maybe, just maybe, Dean decided to play hookey from life and has slept in until eleven. But of course you couldn’t be sure. Sam however, seemed very sure at that very moment.

 

“What?” Dean groaned, dragging out the word as long as his vocal cords would allow.

 

“It’s eleven-ten! You’ve missed two classes and your next starts in twenty minutes! Get up!” Sam croaked, yanking the blankets off of Dean.

 

“I fell asleep at six in the morning, asshole, leave me alone!” Dean complained, now shivering since his bare chest and legs were exposed to the dead cold of the never-heated apartment. He had a shit ton of jackets and blankets for a reason.

 

“Why the hell did you stay up that late?” Sam inquired, tapping his foot like an impatient mother. Much like Ellen had done every time she’d find Dean curled up in bed with Jo after another fight with his father. Just because there wasn’t sex, doesn’t mean she likes it. No mother wants to find a boy in their daughters bed on a weekly basis, (sometimes more often than that.)

 

“Nightmares again?” Sam offered after a few moments of Dean’s silence.

 

“No..Well yes but that’s not why. Just couldn’t stop thinking, finally passed out couple hours ago, and my heads killing me so can you talk a little quieter?” Dean said, covering his eyes.

 

“Oh, yeah of course. Jess and I were going to go out to breakfast but noticed you were still here. Wanna come?”

 

“Late breakfast, dude. But course, give me a minute, wanna take a quick shower.” Dean said with a small smile.

 

“Great, bring your camera-- Don’t ask questions, just do it.” Sam laughed, retreating from the room.

 

Dean’s shower was uneventful, same cold tiles and colder water. If his water heater doesn’t get repaired soon, he’ll bring out the big guns. It’s been days.

 

He changes his ace bandages skillfully before taking his usual morning medication with a glass of bathroom water that tasted a little like toothpaste. He padded out into the living room shortly after in jeans and a sweatshirt that said ‘My Son’s not on the honor roll but he could kick your ass.’, not really caring how he looked. The sweatshirt had been one of his weirder gifts from his past birthday, it’d been given to him by Uncle Bobby, who hadn’t realized the shirt was supposed to be worn by the father (or in this case uncle.)

 

“Got your camera?” Jess asked cheerfully, giving Sam a knowing look. ‘This can’t be good,” Dean thought to himself.

 

“Uh, yeah, why?”

 

“Good! The coolest people ever are going to take over your channel for the day, you can have it back tonight. Just film us, get my good side, hot stuff.” Jess winked, nudging Dean in the side with her elbow.

 

“Every side is your good side, beautiful.” Sam said genuinely, making Dean groan.

 

“Fake flirting is okay, Samantha, but your coating my beautiful apartment with your cooties.” He shivered.

 

“Oh yes, this apartment is freaking beautiful, Dean. You have machetes hanging on your living room wall. You must have had a home decorator.” Sam rolled his eyes, wrapping his arm around Jess.

 

“Shuddup, they’re cool. Let’s go, love birds!”

 

The three of them went to the diner down the street, loading into a booth. After ordering their food, Dean turned on the camera and pointed it at the couple.

 

“Welcome to ‘How to tell if my freak brother is into you!’ Guest starring Sam and Jess!” Sam said cheerfully.

 

“We are so not doing this.” Dean groaned, not moving the camera.

 

“Yes we are, sweetheart.” Jess grinned, causing Dean to stick out his tongue.

 

“Anyway!” Sam laughed, “My lovely girlfriend and I are going to be taking over D’s channel for the day, so he has no say in what we do or post. He’s lucky he even knows about this, huh D?” Sam smirked.

 

“Shut up, bitch.”

 

“Jerk!”

 

“Boys, put the rulers away.” Jess said with a roll of her eyes. “Sam and I have ten ways to tell if D’s into you. Listen up, gentlemen!”

 

“Number one! He throws his stupid posting schedule out the window to talk to you.” Sam smiled, looking Dean dead in the eye.

 

“Because that’s inconspicuous.” Dean muttered, earning a glare from Sam.

 

“Number two, he gets personal. He doesn’t even talk about his feelings with us, now suddenly he’s talking about things he’s never talked about with anyone. I’m willing to bet he doesn’t understand why.” Jess said, making Dean shift uncomfortably.

 

“Jess, we both know he doesn’t know why. It’s him, for godsake. Anyway, number three, he’s willing to share his pie with you.”

 

“How is that relevant, Sam? They haven’t met!”

 

“But it’s true!”

 

Jess groaned, “Stupid boy.” She said affectionately. “Number four, he lets us take over his channel and do a video he doesn’t approve of, just to get a rise out of you.”

 

“That’s not why I’m doing this! I..I just wanted the pie, okay?” Dean said nervously.

 

“Liar. Number five, he takes his shirt off around you. I guess that counts, I mean I know it’s a video but it still counts…” Sam trailed off.

 

“Six! He considers telling you his name.” Jess smiled, earning a mild pout from the older Winchester.

 

“Seven-- Oh wait, food, we’ll finish later.” Sam said excitedly. Dean’s never seen someone more excited for pancakes in his lifetime.

 

The camera is turned on the next time later that afternoon after they all drove out to Clinton lake, which was only around ten miles away. It was way too cold to be swimming, so they were walking along the edge, though Dean rolled up his pants and took off his shoes, and started walking in the hypothermic worthy water. At least army training has it’s perks.

 

“What number were we on?” Sam asked,

 

“Seven.” Dean answered, digging his foot into the rough sand under the water that was up past his ankles by a few inches.

 

“Thanks, anyway, number seven! He starts listening to horrible pop songs. I mean I like some pop but God--”

 

“Samantha, that didn’t happen and you know it!” Dean groaned, kicking water at Sam, who scowled.

 

“Dean we both know when we were driving here, you had it on.” Sam said, narrowing his eyes.

 

“I can’t stop what college radio plays, bitch.”

 

“Jerk!”

 

“I’m entering a family of crazies.” Jess sighed. “If you can’t deal with crazy people, run!” She urged with a ring of laughter.

 

“Oh you love it, sweetheart.” Dean grinned, winking.

 

“Hush, loverboy. Number eight, he stops hitting on random dudes. Though he’ll never stop flirting with me.” Jess said with all seriousness, followed by a smile. So maybe he stopped flirting with guys, doesn’t mean squat! Right..?

 

“Number nine, he starts doing this thing where he brings up your name in an unrelated conversation.” Sam starts, looking to Jess for her to finish his reason, “Like he’ll speculate what your favorite movie is, or if you’d understand Vonnegut like he does.”

 

‘Do I really do that?’ Dean wonders. Sam offers a silent nod.

 

“Lastly, number ten, his hygiene for videos improves by hundreds because he knows you’ll see them. He used to be Mister ‘I don’t care they’re just internet stalkers.’ Not that that’s bad, he loves you all but honestly he used to roll the hell out of bed..Well he still does sometimes but you get the gist.” Sam finishes, rambling.

 

“Game over,” Dean smirks, handing the camera over to Jess, who looked at him with questions in her eyes.

 

“You two enjoy being warm, I however, am going to have fun.” Dean laughed, stripping off his shirt, soon after his pants.

 

“You’re going to get hypothermia, you idiot! Missing classes one day is fine, but this is going to land you in the hospital, again!” Sam lectured.

 

“Then I guess you better go around asking what my papers are on!” Dean teased, followed by a whoop of ‘Holy shit it’s cold!’ Though he didn’t get out.

 

Jess kept the camera on Dean while muttering, “Boys are weird, Winchester’s are weirder.”

 

When Sam and Jess were sitting in the guest room later that night after Dean left to spend time with Charlie, they decided it had been long enough to break into Dean’s room to search for embarrassing or sweet videos of Dean. Jess had seen some other home videos while looking for the Christmas video.

 

“Sam, do you even know what you’re doing?” Jess asked in a hushed voice.

 

“Course,” He said when the lock popped. “Why are you whispering?”

 

“It feels like he’s watching us!” She squeaked as Sam opened the door and pulled her in.

 

“But he’s not!” He laughed, yanking open Dean’s closet, “So where did you see the videos?” Jess didn’t answer, prompting Sam to turn around, seeing her pushing his bed off center to reveal a hidden place under the mattress where there were DVD’s and VHS’s.

 

“I thought he said it was in a box?”

 

“I love your brother but he’s a damn liar.” Jess smiled.

 

“We need eleven videos to put in after every number, and then one to end the video.” Sam informed her, sending them on the hunt.

 

After finding the right videos, they started to piece them together. The first clip was when they were little, they bleeped the name though, as always. It was off a sixteen year old Dean after Sam had been given a video camera from his big brother. “Sammy, I’m tired, please tell me the novelty will wear off soon?” It never did. Which lead to YouTube.

 

The second clip was on Dean’s eighteenth birthday, where he’d slept in until two in the afternoon and managed to avoid fighting with John until late that night. The video only showed him blowing out the candles over his pie.

 

The third was Dean packing for college, including his endless amounts of books. Fourth, when Dean came home from the hospital when he was nearly twenty-one. He’d been reluctant to go to the family home, terrified even, but he couldn’t take care of himself yet. It was a good homecoming, though he looked in pain, he’d been happy. He was alive afterall. There’d been tears, hugs, and overall happiness. It happens to be that way when you’re told your friend/family member is going to die because his torture-loving boyfriend finally snapped and tried to kill him.

 

Fifth was a secretly taken video that Dean had stolen from Sam earlier this year. Dean singing and playing guitar, Ramble On. Dancing around, running over furniture and laughing. Number six was a midnight run to iHop after Dean drunkenly begged Sam to take him. Seven was him studying during finals last term, finally falling asleep and drooling all over his paper. The teacher hadn’t been happy for the gift of dried drool.

 

Eight was from last summer, at a rock concert where Dean had broken his wrist. He spent the whole time he that he’d had the cast making wanking jokes. Nine was Sam following Dean around before work, Sam being frantic while Dean calm as ever, being the first time he’d gone to work since the Alistair incident. He’d been given six weeks, most of it was spent in the hospital. Number ten was Dean yelling at the TV just a few weeks ago, another secret video, because Dean would never let anyone film him being so passionate about Dr. Sexy.

 

The last clip a twenty-two, nearly twenty-three year old sequence of clips. From their parents seeing the ultrasound, to taking a baby Dean Winchester home. All filmed by a young and much happier John Winchester.

  
It had taken ages to get all the videos computer ready, working until late that night, but it had been worth it. The final piece being worthy of a video award. At least in Sam and Jess’ opinion


	18. Not according to plan

 

When Castiel got back from class, Gabriel was already there, fiddling around with Cas’s video camera. Gabe had gotten it in his head to make a video response to Sam and Jess’s video outlining what Dean does when he likes someone, without Castiel’s knowledge. So, Cas had no idea what was going on, and he just shrugged when he saw Gabe with his camera. Gabe did stuff like that a lot, playing around with his gadgets or clothes for whatever reason.

 

“Hey, Gabe.” He said nonchalantly, dropping his bag next to the desk and going to flop on on the couch. “What’re you up to?” He asked, propping his hands behind his head.

 

Gabe shrugged. “Oh, nothing. Have you seen D’s most recent post?” Castiel smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I did. I hope it’s true… I really like him, so it’d suck if it turned out that he just wanted to be friends. But y’know… He lives five hours away. So… I dunno if he’d think that it would be worth it to pursue a relationship with me. I’m nothing special anyway.” Castiel shrugged, looking up at Gabe. “Why?”

 

Gabe smiled. “Well, I thought it was cute is all. I think he’s got a crush on my little brother.” Castiel rolled his eyes. “I doubt it. I mean, sure, he probably does think I’m cute or whatever… He said so himself. But. I’m not really anything special. There’s probably a guy he would rather date or something.” He said, grabbing the tv remote and flicking it on.

 

Gabe sighed and stood up, grabbing Cas’s laptop. “Can I use this?” He asked, raising it. Cas nodded, eyes flicking back to the tv.

 

Gabriel left the room, and Cas turned back to the tv, letting himself zone out for a few hours. By the time he got up, he felt exhausted just from laying around for a few hours, and he’d taken off his shirt because the buttons were digging into his neck. He got up and started stretches in just the comfortable jeans he’d worn to class, not noticing his brother taping him in the hall. After twenty or so minutes, he got up from the floor, rolling his neck and letting out a pleased groan as it popped. “Gabe, do you want some fast food?” He called out in the general direction of Gabe’s room, walking over to the coffee table to grab his water and take a sip.

 

Gabe called back, “Yes please! A bacon burger, large chocolate shake, and a big order of those flat fries, whatever they’re called.” Cas nodded, saying, “Called waffle fries, brother.” He grabbed his shirt from the floor where he’d tossed it earlier, pulling it on. He grabbed the keys, called out, “Back in fifteen!” and headed out.

 

He went to the McDonald’s a few blocks away, getting his brother’s order along with chicken strips and a cheeseburger, a medium Root Beer, and french fries. He thanked the cashier and paid, then grabbed the bags and drove back home.

 

He opened the door to the room, seeing Gabe lounging on the couch. He raised the bags in greeting, and Gabe got up and took the bag Cas indicated was for him. “I also got chicken strips and some ranch for them. They sounded good.” He said, shrugging like it wasn’t a big deal that he was eating more again.

 

Gabe nodded, opening his bag and grabbing the fries. "Thanks, Cassy." He said, and Cas nodded. "Sure. What have you been up to today?" He asked, grabbing the chicken tenders and opening up the ranch. He dipped one and took a bite, smiling. "Oh, you know... This and that, class, posted a couple videos on your feed..."

 

Cas's eyes widen, and he dropped his chicken strip back in the bag. "What?" He asked, wondering what Gabe could've posted. Gabe shrugged, nodding, and said, "Yeah... I did one in response to Sam and Jess's hijack video, and another one of you when you were stretching earlier. Figured I'd give Dennis some eye candy." Cas blinks at Gabe in surprise.

 

"Gabe! You put a video of me stretching, shirtless, on the internet for thousands of people to see? For Kansas?" He picked up his chicken strip again, shooting a glare at his brother. "Unbelievable. And what did the other video have?" He asked, feeling increasingly horrified.

 

"Well, just watch it for yourself. Oh, and there's a new one from Sam and Jess, too. It's cute. You should see it." Gabe said, face schooled into his smarmy 'It's no big deal' smirk. Cas nodded, nervous. "Okay, after I eat, I'll do that. Ugh, I can't believe you!" He said, eyes wide. "You do realise I'm never going to let you touch my camera or my laptop ever again, right?" He asked, though it's an empty threat, really.

 

Gabe nodded, chuckling around a big bite of his burger. "Sure, Cassy." He agreed, whiskey eyes sparkling with amusement.

 

"You totally suck." Cas grumps, taking another chicken strip. He crunched through another bite, rolling his eyes at his brother.

 

After they finished their food, Cas grabbed his drink and walked over to the couch, sitting down and opening his laptop to investigate. First, he clicked the response to Sam and Jess's hijack video, watching as Gabe's face popped on screen.

 

"So, Dylan, I saw that video your moose of a brother and Jessica posted, outlining the ten ways to tell if you like someone. That someone being my baby brother. Which reminds me... If you ever hurt him, I'll kill you. Or did I already say that? Anyway. He'll be here soon. So. Here's how to tell if Cassy likes you." Gabe said, raising his eyebrows.

 

"First, he'll talk to you. On purpose. Something you don't know about my brother is how antisocial he is. He doesn't make conversation, he doesn't do small talk, he doesn't ask about people's day. He's very, very, exceedingly quiet. The fact that he initiated your acquaintance speaks volumes."

  
  


Cas had to give it to Gabe, that was very accurate. Here, the video got shaky, turning away from Gabe. "I can hear him coming down the hall." His brother's voice is quiet now. "The second way to tell is if he just plain says it. He's a very honest individual." He murmured, and Cas sees himself on screen, dropping his bag.

  
  


Gabe had asked him the question about D's most recent video specifically for this purpose. There was now recorded evidence of his like for Kansas. Cas sighs, continuing to watch the video.

  
  


The recording pauses for a bit, opening up on Gabe in Cas's bedroom. "Third, he's more tidy. Look, his bed is made. His closet is organised. His clothes are all in the hamper, for crying out loud. My brother's typically a slob. Well, maybe not a slob, per se, but he isn't like this." Gabe said, the shot panning around Cas's clean room.

 

Next, Gabe is in his own room. "Fourth way to tell. He eats. Period. If he's eating more, that means he's happy. And he only started eating real, healthy portions when you guys first started talking, and then this past week. And for that, I thank you. Seriously. Thank you. I was getting worried about him. I know he's healthy, and he has been for quite a while, but you should've seen him how I remember. He was really bad at one point. It actually got to the point where eating gave him stomach aches. And I'm really, really glad that he's eating better." Gabe's eyes have a telltale gleam to them, and he looks like he's in pain. Cas feels his chest constrict at the sight of his brother getting choked up about him, and he bites his lip. Gabe has some very good points, here.

 

Soon, Cas finishes the video, and he moves on to the next one.

 

It's literally just himself, clad in his jeans, doing his yoga poses and stretching out the cramps in his muscles. His tattoos are very visible, and he wonders what D will think of the video. It ends with Gabe's grinning face and a whispered, "I'll hunt you down if you hurt him. But I thought you might like for the half-naked videos to be evened out." Cas rolls his eyes at that, the words so Gabe that it almost hurts.

 

Cas watches Sam and Jess's video afterwards, watching clips throughout Kansas's life. By the end, he's got tears in his eyes, both from seeing D coming home from the hospital and from happiness that he survived in the first place.

 

Cas starts up his camera, and then records a short message. "Everything my brother said is true." He murmurs, a little nervous. He clicks send before he can stop himself, then gets up to go grab a sweater in his room.

 

Of course, Gabe then sidled into his bedroom and says, "Cassy, we are going out tonight." Cas sighs and nods, accepting it with no fight. "Fine. What are we gonna do?" He asks, and Gabe grins. "We're gonna party. My friend James is throwing a party, and I think we should get our rushes over there. It starts in an hour."

 

Cas nods, taking of the sweater. Gabe leaves, closing the door behind him. Cas finds a pair of dark wash jeans--no holes, for once--and a clean blue tee shirt. He throws on a grey cardigan, slipping into a pair of grey Converse. He fixes his hair in the mirror, then shrugs at his reflection, walking out to the living room to finish off his soda.

 

Gabe appears, wearing a blue denim button-down over a black tee shirt and some faded grey jeans. "Sweet, we'll be early." He says, clapping his hands together and rubbing them.

 

They leave, Gabe driving them over to James's apartment, where loud music is already thrumming out into the night. Gabe says hi to people as they walk in, smiling and laughing and doing all the things that Cas can't seem to do, and Cas grabs a shot off a counter nearby, deciding to get comfortably drunk to maybe dull his anxiety for the night.

 

Things don't go as planned.

 

Cas finds himself, an hour later, far too drunk to see straight, dancing with a guy who has brown hair and green eyes, but his hair is longer than Cas would like. It doesn't matter though, because the way the man moves against Cas is gorgeous and makes him want to move things off of the dance floor. He leans close, arms snaking around the guy's neck. "What's your name?" He asks over the music, and the guy smiles and responds, "Damien. You're Castiel, right?" Cas nods fluidly, his head rolling in an up-and-down motion.

 

"That's my name... So, Damien, what do you say we take this somewhere else?" He asks, grinding his hips teasingly against the other man in the hot, sticky atmosphere. Damien nods, taking Cas's hand and interlacing their fingers, leading him down the hall and into a quiet room where the music is dulled.

 

The sex is fantastic, and by the time they've both had their fill of each other, Cas feels pleasantly sore and bonelessly spreads across the bed. Damien lies beside him, spent, his breath slowing as a hazy grin spreads over his face. Cas looks down for the sheets, pulling them up over them and turning on his side towards Damien. Soon, he falls asleep.

 

When Cas wakes up, his face is buried in another man's neck, and he can smell sweat, sex, and alcohol on his skin. He lifts his head carefully, blinking slowly around the dim room. His clothes are piled on the floor, and he turns to look at the guy. He's attractive, Cas would have to admit, but it feels all wrong. His eyebrows pull together, his head aching a bit as he tries to remember the guy's name. D... Darren? No. Damien. Yeah.

 

Damien stirs, blinking his eyes open, and Cas raises an eyebrow. "Hey, man." He says, and the guy nods.

 

"Hey. That was amazing, Cas." Cas swallows, hearing Kansas's nickname for him coming from another man's mouth, and it makes him feel gross.

 

"Yeah. But I mean, we're cool, right? No more of that?" He asks, blunt as ever. Damien nods, something like relief spreading over his face.

 

"Sure. I'm not really a relationship guy, no matter how great the sex is. But hey, thanks for the good night, Cas." He says, and Cas nods.

"Sure. Just... Don't call me Cas, okay? Sorry, I just... I don't want you to call me Cas."

 

Damien looks at him curiously for a moment, then nods. "Sure, man. It's cool." Cas nods, then untangles himself from the sheets and Damien.

 

"I'm gonna go... Have a good... Have a good day, Damien." He says, grabbing his boxers and pulling them on. Damien nods. "You too, Castiel." He says, slumping back to the bed. Cas pulls on the rest of his clothes, his hands starting to shake as a nauseous, guilty feeling washes over him. He slips out of the room, and sees Gabe in the kitchen, sipping at a coffee.

 

"Looks like Cassy got some tail last night." He says with a raised eyebrow, filling a cup for Cas. Cas takes it and sips at the warm liquid, feeling fidgety. "Can we go, Gabe?" He asks, his chest tight. He feels all wrong, guilty and bad and wrong, and he doesn't think he'll be able to drink his whole cup of coffee.

 

Gabe nods, detecting Cas's mood. He takes his cup to the sink and washes it out, then grabs Cas's mug off the counter and downs it quickly. He washes that mug out as well, and then wipes his hands on his jeans and gives Cas an appraising look. "Let's go, Cassy." He murmurs softly, taking his keys out of his pocket.

 

Cas nods and follows him out, watching as Gabe kisses his 'friend' James on the cheek as they leave.

 

When they get home, Cas makes for his room, but stops when Gabe says, "Wait." He pauses with his hand on his door, turning to look at Gabe. "Cas, it was just a one-night stand. Don't get all broken up about it, okay? You aren't actually dating D anyway. It's fine." Cas nods, biting his lower lip, and goes over to the couch to grab his laptop. He opens his YouTube, and notices a new video from D. After a moment of hesitation, he clicks on it.

 

The video isn't long, and mostly its just D asking for Cas's Skype. Cas bites his lip, a blush rising in his cheeks, and he nibbles on his lower lip before opening his camera. "Yeah, sure. I'm C.Novak. That's it." He says, then clicks off and sends the video, closing his laptop. "I'm gonna take a nap." He tells his brother, feeling guilty and wrong.

 

 

“Sammy! He told me his Skype! You gigantic sasquatch genius!” Dean yelled, nearly spewing his cereal from his mouth as he watched YouTube from the couch while Jess and Sam were playing Halo 3 in front of him.


	19. I Need Saving

 

“I will piss on your toothbrush you little bitch.” Dean growled, tempted to empty the remaining milk onto his brothers head. The brat was refusing to do anything helpful, just play video games with Jess. Freeloaders.

 

“And I’ll post more embarrassing videos. Go talk to your boyfriend you creep.” Sam laughed, never taking his eyes off the game. For once in his all too long life, he complied, retreating to his bedroom. Dean started up his webcam despite not showering, or even putting on any clothes. He’d been lounging around the apartment in his boxers all morning.

 

‘It’s just Cas, he’s seen these before in that video, nothing to be ashamed of. They mean I’m alive. Just scars. They don’t have power. If he cares than this won’t matter.’ His mind was saying.

 

After fumbling with his Skype password for about ten minutes, it finally unlocked and he added Castiel as a contact.

 

“Hang up with your boyfriend, Bobby needs your help at the shop!” Sam called from the other room, followed by a whoop of victory from Jess who undoubtedly cheated while Sam was on the phone with Bobby. Dean rolled his eyes, but got dressed anyway. Nothing fancy, jeans and an oil wrecked t-shirt with biker boots. Today he didn’t even bother with anything else, he looked like shit and honestly would rather be home taking advantage of the fact that eggnog was finally on sale. What can he say, he likes holiday treats.

 

When Dean stumbled out of his bedroom looking worse for wear, Jess pouted. “Did he not answer?”

 

“You both have been accepted to Stanford, even with the year off, how the hell do you not understand how Skype works? You add them, first. I don’t even know you both, goodbye, don’t get drunk, and for the love of God stay out of my love life, will you?”

 

Like that’ll happen.

 

Within twenty minutes they’ve stolen Dean’s fancy camera and decided to make a borderline offensive video. Offensive to Dean that is. Titled: ‘Reasons D Winchester Sucks’

 

“Dean’s at work, so we’ll make this glamour filled video short. These are the reasons D sucks.”

  
  


The video cut to Dean’s bedroom, clothes flung everywhere but the hamper, empty glasses, covers kicked off the bed, rock posters all over the wall as well as sticky notes covering one wall alone. “He’s a forgetful pig. The sticky notes are all the book plots he plans to write one day, and well.. the rest is just him being a damn pig. The video cut again to Sam and Jess standing in front of a door, pounding on it.

When the door opened, Charlie looked tired and annoyed. “Fu--Oh I thought you were Dean. What do you want short-bus?”

 

“We’re making a list of reason D sucks. Care to add?” Jess added cheerfully.

 

“He never, and I mean never, wipes up the water on the floor after a shower.” She complained, eyes narrowing. “Or folds my laundry correctly!” She added.

 

“He folds your laundry?” They both asked, bewildered.

 

“You never bet with Charlie Bradbury, hun.” she smiled sweetly before closing the door leaving them both wondering

 

A few hours into his shift, Dean was singing. That seems like nothing to most people. But Dean doesn’t sing in front of people unless he’s extremely happy and comfortable. But here he was singing along to the Top 40 into his wrench while waiting for Ash to bring out the specially ordered part for the car Dean’s restoring.

 

“What the hell are you singing’ for boy?” Bobby grunted, followed by a sip of breakroom sludge otherwise known as coffee.

 

“Just happy, Bobby my man!” Dean said in a singsong voice.

 

“You’re only happy when it’s summer or you’re in love..or you ain’t dead. It can’t be number one, and even being alive ain’t pop song worthy, so who’s this cow-head you’re mooning over now?”

 

“Jesus, bobby, I’m not in love! Crush, well maybe, it’s just a stupid internet thing. It’ll pass eventually, or I’ll fuck it up. Either way, I’ll be out of your hair soon, old man. Well I would be, if you had any.” Dean smirked, making Bobby scowl and readjust his baseball cap.

 

When Dean finally got home that night, he was bone tired, barely able to stand. Not bothering to check his YouTube, he flopped onto his bed and let his dreams- or nightmares - take him away.

 

“ _Dean-o, Dean-o, Dean-o! Now who do you think you’re talking to?” Alistair asked with a devious grin, playing with a gleaming knife in his hand._

 

_“No one! I swear!” Dean gasped, fumbling with the phone frantically before hanging up._

 

_“Who was it, darling of mine?”_

 

_“Oh uh-- You know just Sammy. School stuff, being a teenager. Advice on his girlfriend, Jess.” Dean said, nearly sweating bullets._

 

_“What happened to no more conversing with them, sweetheart?” Alistair grinned. Dean knew what was coming, and it was going to hurt. What he didn’t know is that it wouldn’t stop at a few slices. He kept going, and going, tearing muscles, stabbing where he pleased, and in two places he nicked bone. Dean didn’t know that tonight would be the night he would die. After being brought back twice over the next twenty four hours by hospital workers, they were sure his body would give out. When they found out Dean’s real name, they contacted his family letting them know that ‘Mr. Winchester has sustained a serious attack, and we do not believe he will make it much longer.’_

 

_His family was there as soon as they could, waiting and out-of-characterively praying. Every time his heart nearly gave out, it broke the family units heart. When his doctors would tell them to prepare for the worst, they’d pray even more. Every single one of the grief counselors were practically thrown out the door. When they were told Alistair had managed to evade the police, Sam had thrown his chair into the wall, leaving a dent. Dean was completely lucid for the first time on a Thursday. They’d said an angel must have been watching over him. His very own angel of Thursday._

 

 


	20. Skype Calls and Brotherly Bitching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now officially writing with another writer! She's lovely, definitely. We wrote this all in one day, hope yall like it! (Do expect longer chapters from now on, the other person prefered short chapters unlike me, I love medium to large ones)

“C.Novak is online!” popped up on the screen of Dean’s laptop while he sat on his bed editing his newest video. It was actually a funny and light video, a game challenge for Sam. It was him jumping through tires while Jess and himself tried to throw hoops over his head. Jess had won by two hoops. It helped that Dean prefered to just sabotage instead of actually playing.

 

 **D_Winchester** : Hey Cas. Sup?

 **C.Novak** : Hello, D. I am currently working on a paper, I may be distracted. How are you today, D?

 **D_Winchester** : I’m editing, nursing a dislocated jaw.

 **C.Novak** : How did you dislocate your jaw? I hope all is well.

 **D_Winchester** : Oh I did something I shouldn’t have. No biggy.

 **C.Novak:** Well I wish you the best.

 **D_Winchester** : Thanks man. Can I call you..? Feel free to say no!

 

Dean took in a deep breath, looking around his living room. It was late at night, Sam and Jess were already asleep, so it was quiet and dark. The only light was coming from his laptop screen. He mentally was starting to regret his action during the long silence that filled his computer screen.

 

 **C.Novak** : If you please, though I look rather atrocious.

 **D_Winchester** : I highly doubt that. Promise you’ll pick up?

 **C.Novak** : I promise.

 

Dean moved his pointer to the “Call” option, clicking it.  The ringing of the program lasted about seven seconds with a black popup waiting at the dial screen before a big webcam footage showed up with an exhausted looking Castiel.  Dean inhaled sharply as he looked into the deep blue eyes of Cas despite the dark room around him.

 

“D, I’m afraid your jaw looks terrible, are you sure it was just dislocated?” Cas frowned, tilting his head to the left.

 

“Ah, yeah. Sam popped it back into place. I can move it, just painful. It left a nasty bruise. That’s what I get for waking up my drunk dad.” Dean laughed awkwardly, then froze when he realized what he’d just said.

 

“Wait wait wait. I didn’t say that, it was a mistake. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to!” Dean panicked, gripping his laptop like it was a life force.

 

“D! Relax, please! It’s okay! Just calm down, please.” Castiel said, trying

to calm him the best he can.

 

“I-- I don’t..I’m sorry.” He breathed, trying to keep his breathing steady.  Dean rubbed his eyes with his hands before looking up to Cas.  His hair was probably messier than his own and looked almost as tired.  Dean just couldn’t stop looking at the blue eyes that looked between him and down at the notebook held against his knee, writing away.

 

“You never told me your eyes could be so amazing in live action, angel.” Dean laughed nervously.

 

Cas was distracted as he nodded to what Dean had to say.  “Mm… wait.  What?” He looked up to Dean, who was now wearing a proud tired smile watching Cas turn red.  Cas could feel the heat in his cheeks grow.  “Oh, uh, yes.  I have been told about my eyes being very distracting. But thank you.  Your eyes aren’t too bad yourself, Kansas.”

 

Dean couldn’t help but to turn a little red himself.  “Shucks, they might be distracting but they’re nothing compared to yours.”

 

Cas gave an airy laugh, looking back down at his paper.  “For someone who seems to be just as nervous as me you’re pretty good at flirting to an almost complete stranger.”

 

“Well, your looks are pretty off-putting and make a man not want to screw up on charming you.” Dean winked, drying his sweaty and nervous hands off on his sweats.

 

Cas was probably in a worse state than how Dean seemed to be.  It was a bad decision to write his paper now that he thought about it.  He couldn’t keep his hand calm as he moved the pencil across the page almost swiftly to his thoughts.  His handwriting was hard to read due to the dark surroundings but knowing the handsome YouTuber watching him wasn’t helping the situation.

 

“I gotta be privy and ask what your paper is about since it seems to be more exciting than me.” Dean mentioned as he sat up on his bed.

 

Cas recognized the old landscape portrait Metallica poster that was hanging behind his head from the sabotage video of his room that Sam and Jess did earlier so he could see the environment that he lived in.

  
“Well for one thing it’s due tomorrow,” Cas started.  He looked at the clock in the corner of his screen.  It was past midnight now.  “Well, today in technicality.  It’s for my art history class.”

 

“Shit man, don’t let me distract you!  Get your degree and all that shit.  How far into your degree are you, anyway?” Dean asked, shuffling to get ready to say goodbye. He didn’t want to distract Cas.

 

“No! No it’s fine, really.  Please, don’t hang up.  I enjoy your company.” Cas hurried to say in case Dean would leave him alone to any thoughts.

 

“Are you sure? Cos’ I mean I can go…” Dean trailed off, voice hesitant.

 

“I’m very sure, D. It would probably be harder without someone to talk to, and Gabe is already asleep.” Cas said, looking back to the closed door of his brother’s room.

 

Just then Gabe’s head popped out of the door.  “On the contrary, Cassy.  You think I’m going to miss you and lover boy’s first date?” He asked, smirking proudly.

 

Dean started to blush, “It’s not a date!” He sputtered, his voice entirely unconvincing.

 

“Sure thing pretty boy.” Gabe chuckled as he completely came out of the door to walk into the kitchen, grabbing two mugs for coffee.

 

“Coffee in the middle of the night?” Dean questioned with a raised eyebrow, not even bothering to hide his amused grin.

 

“Only ‘coz Cassy’s gonna have a long night ahead of him with such a distraction.”  Gabe winked towards the screen, bringing the coffee to his blushing younger brother.

 

“Well maybe I should load up on coffee and join you.” Dean suggested with a devious wink. Cas turned an even darker shade of red as Dean excused himself to get up.

 

“You’re embarrassing me, Gabe.” Cas hissed once Dean left the screen.

 

“Only for you, bro.” Gabe winked again, sitting on the couch behind Cas’ position on the floor.

 

“Alrighty, coffee pot is heating up. You have to deal with me now, get ready for the wild ride.” Dean said with a chuckle as he returned, putting his laptop back onto his lap.

 

Cas couldn’t help but smile back at him by looking at his screen.  He elbowed Gabe’s leg as he heard him coo a light ‘aw’ as he watched them.

 

“What’s Gabe doing up anyway? For real, not just for this lovely Skypedatethingy.” He said, rushing the last words with a deep blush.

 

“I had a costume to finish for my own classes.  So why not listen in to my baby bro being adorable with his YouTube Romeo?” Gabe said, sipping at his coffee.

 

“Well you could of done it without being creepy and stalking us in your bedroom.” Cas rolled his eyes taking a large amount of coffee from his own cup.

 

“You wouldn’t have been nearly as adorable if you knew I was at here, Cassy.” Gabe winked, making Cas turn a darker red.

 

It seemed surprisingly impossible to Cas that he could feel even more red in the face from embarrassment, but it was Gabe who was his brother and the one who decided to come and add to the distractions.

 

“Cas, man, don’t stress.” Dean smiled, “The coffee things ready, one sec.” He said, flopping the laptop on the bed, giving it a good view of most of Dean’s bedroom. There were posters of large muscle cars, half dressed men, and bands of another generation. The furniture looked well made, maybe even built by hand. There were scuffs on the walls that most definitely had stories behind them. There was a soft sound of Dean singing in the other room, Castiel didn’t recognize the song.

 

Cas enjoyed the extra look around Dean’s room, some things that he’d want to ask about like all of the classic cars, while he could tell the reason of the half dressed men.  Dean’s voice was as golden as honey and how some girls described Gabe’s eye color.  For the short while before returning to his paper he fantasized about how one day Dean could maybe even sing just for him in person.

 

“ _They said I’ve fallen, in every imaginable way. But actually I can say, I’ve just fallen in love with you_.”  Dean chimed, then the laptop was picked up in a way that was definitely not good for the hinges. “Yello’ Cas.” He grinned, sipping his coffee happily.

 

“Hello, D.” Cas smiled as close to dreamily as he could in his tired state, and Dean’s glorious voice singing the unknown song was a lullaby he could of fallen asleep to right there if  he didn’t have that paper to finish.  Cas’ head shot up as he continued to write.

 

“I bet art history is better than the stuff I’m supposed to be doing over the next week.” Dean laughed, wriggling around to get comfortable as best he can without spilling his coffee.

 

“Oh?  And what are you doing then, big boy?” Gabe asked, raising his eyebrows in question.  Cas rolled his eyes to how intimate his brother’s question sounded with the nickname that he gave him.

 

“Advanced fluid dynamics, I’m nearly one hundred percent sure you don’t want to hear about it.” He said with a laugh. In the background of his computer, he opened iTunes and started playing a song on piano.

 

“Ooh, that sounds like second date material.” Gabe patted his blushing brother’s cheek, peering over his shoulder.  “Along with Cassy’s opinion on Van Gogh here.”

 

Dean couldn’t help but blush, “If he wants to call it that, I ain’t stoppin’ him.”

 

“Dude, what the hell are you still doing up? You promised you’d go to bed soon, and that was hours ago..” Dean started making ‘cut it out!’ gestures at his brother.

 

Cas and Gabe could hear a girl’s gasp, presumably Jess’.  Dean groaned, leaning his head back against the wall as his laptop swiveled in his lap to reveal none other than Jess with eyes bright in excitement.  “Are you on a web date with Castiel?!”

 

“Maybe? I don’t know, go away Miss. Smurfs.” Dean groaned.

 

“Hi Castiel!” Jess smiled, giving Cas a small wave.

 

“H-hello, Jess.” Cas waved back awkwardly with his pencil wrapped between his fingers and a small smile.

 

“Come on Sam, leave the boys to their date.” Jess smiled, taking Sam by the collar and dragging him out of the room. There was a muted ‘Bye!’ from Sam, silenced by Jess pressing her lips to his.

 

“I see your family is just a bunch of cuties,” Gabe raised his eyebrows after the two left Dean to his embarrassed shame.  “With another soon to be added, I hope.”

 

“Oh?” Dean croaked, suppressing a coughing fit.

 

“Of course!  Look at this adorable little artist!” Gabe patted Cas’ arm, which was holding up his spiral to hide his embarrassment.  “You might not know this but he wants to probably join as much as I’m telling you!”

 

“Oh sweet lord. Let’s wait until he knows my name, alright?” Dean coughed, feeling more embarrassed than he has in a long time.

 

“Don’t you have a costume to finish?” Cas asked, giving a death glare up to Gabe.

 

“It ain’t due until Friday, Cassy.”  He smirked.

 

“Man I-- I should..” Dean trailed off, tugging at his collar. He looked everywhere but the webcam.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

 

“You should stay just where you are, but Gabe should leave so I can get this essay done and talk to D.  Without your help.” Cas blinked up to his brother again probably about to start slapping him away with his spiral.

 

Dean stayed where he was, waiting to see what Gabriel would do. If he was being honest, Gabe made him nervous, and not in that flutter of butterfly way either.

 

Gabe looked away from Castiel’s death glare to Dean’s nerve-racked expression.  He sighed, leaning forwards.  “I guess I’ll let you guys chatter amongst your cute coupling selves.”

“Okay.  Goodbye, Gabe.” Cas said quicker than he expected to.

 

“Bye, Gabe.” Dean said, sounding uncomfortable as Gabriel left the room with a dramatic flare. “Can I readjust? My ass is numb and I’m tired as hell, how are you _not_?” He asked with a weak smile as he set down his empty coffee cup on his bedside table.

 

Cas shrugged, sighing from relief that Gabe was leaving him to his so called “first date.”  “I guess you could say I’m a night person.” Cas said, flexing his cramped hand from writing the never-ending paper.  “Usually when I’m not working on an assignment I might draw something.”

 

“Dude, most night people are asleep by now, honestly. I go days sometimes, but I still hate being up past two-thirty.” He said with an intense shiver of hatred, then laying down so that he’s horizontal with the laptop pointing at his face while his head rested on a pillow.

 

Cas tilted his head to the side to be parallel with Dean’s when he hit a point where he couldn’t of what to write next.  “On an easier class load like today I took a nap, so it’s not too bad.  Going for days at a time without sleep isn’t very good thing for your body, D.” He said, pouting a little in worry for him.

 

“Done it since I was a teenager. Nothing ever worked long term, so I mostly stopped tryin’.” He shrugged, letting out a resigned sigh.

 

“I’ll have to find a good remedy to help you with sleeping better sometime.”  Cas added, scribbling down another sentence to his paper letting out a sigh of his own.  “At least you’ve stopped trying to,”

 

“Wouldn’t you want me to try and sleep, hot stuff?” Dean chuckled, “Oh man, I called you hot stuff. Definitely sleep deprived.” He groaned, hiding his face in the pillow, hiding his giant grin in the process.

 

Cas giggled in embarrassment and in the enjoyment of watching Dean hide his face in the adorable fashion that he did.  “You should go and get some sleep then,” He continued to giggle and wear a bashful smile.  “And I must be just as sleep deprived to say you’re the hot stuff if anyone is.”

 

“But I don’ wannaa.” He dragged his words, with a well practiced pout. “Hey, Cas?”

 

“Yes?” Cas hummed, looking down at his paper on the coffee table that was set down in front of the laptop.

 

“I’m already really glad I replied to your video.” Dean said simply, though it was obvious he was going to say something else as well.

 

Cas let the pencil slide through his fingers and lay on the paper.  One of the largest smiles he could manage grew on his face, with a large knot twisting of giddiness in his stomach.  “I’m really glad that you did, too.” There was nothing in Cas’ power to hide the smile on his face.

 

“Can I just keep this on when trying to fall asleep? I just don’t want to say goodbye, as stupid as that sounds.” Dean said, giving Cas a lazy smile, burying his face in the pillow again. _“I’ll place my hand over your heart, your story is just about to start. Pages flying around the room, please won’t you hide me from my doom._ ” He sang, before growing extremely quiet, despite his eyes being open. His breathing was soft and steady, now being the only sound in the small bedroom.

 

“Of course, Kansas.” Cas smiled at the pair of sleepy green eyes that were looking back at him.  It didn’t take a genius to see how tired Dean was despite still staying on.  Every once in a while his eyes would flutter a little more closed but he still fought it to talk to Cas.

 

“What’s your favorite album?” Dean hummed, placing his hand under his cheek,

 

Cas pondered at the question as he picked up the pencil again.  He smiled sheepishly once he had his answer.  “I don’t know if you’ve heard of it, but it’s called The Best I Ever Had.”

 

“Uh.. Beyonce, Cas? Not judging but...Really?” Dean scoffed, followed by a grin.

 

Dean’s comment made Cas drop his pencil so quickly it almost worried him.  He broke down into a loud giggle, which developed into a large outburst of laughter.  Dean’s expression became flustered with his eyebrows furrowed.  It took a good whole minute before Cas could calm down enough to answer.

 

“No…no…it’s by an Indie band called The Downtown Fiction, D.”  Cas had tears in his eyes from laughing so hard.  In his mind Cas thought over how long it’s been since he’s laughed that much.

 

“Of course you’re an indie band kind of guy.” Dean groaned, his voice layered with sarcasm. “Can you guess my favorite?”

 

“Hey, you said no judging when it was Beyonce so that goes for Indie, too.” Cas had finally calmed down to where he felt a vague bit of embarrassment for his difference in taste.  “I’d have to guess a Metallica album probably?  I haven’t exactly followed their stuff like you have so I wouldn’t know much of the older classics.”

 

Dean grinned ear to ear, “Ha! Nope. Led Zeppelin II. Gotta love me some Ramble On, Cas! Man, I need to educate you in finer music. I might even let you show me some of your indie crap.” Dean laughed, offering a wink. “I could play one for you if you’d like?”

 

Cas lightly chuckled when he was winked at, but focused on his paper finally on the last paragraph of it.  “If anything I’d like you to sing it for me when you have a little more energy and a few hours of sleep.”  He blushed at the fact that he’d feel open enough to confess that to him.

 

“Party-pooper. Next time, then?” He asked, not waiting for an answer. “If you had to ban one type of music, what would it be?”

 

“Of course next time.” _Hopefully the next time is soon_ , Cas thought.  He cringed with his answer.  “Probably rap and hip hop, but rap if either of those.”

 

“Man, that’s an easy answer. I’d have abandoned you if you said something else.” He joked. “I’d never ban your indie stuff, since you like it.” His grin never wavered as he readjusted in bed.

 

“I doubt Gabe would just let you go with ditching me, he’d hunt you down for real.” Cas laughed nervously.  “Then what would you ditch if anything?”

 

“God, don’t scare me like that, Cas!” Dean gasped in horror, it was hard to tell if he was being serious or not.

 

“I doubt he would, don’t worry.” He laughed, biting his lip nervously to what he was going to say next.  “Just as long as you wouldn’t have to ditch me so he won’t have to…”

 

“Of course not, Cas! I’d never. I may have grown attached to you and your sorry ass.” Dean smiled, reaching out of the cameras view and pulled back to reveal a small blue rectangular container. “Sorry, ‘Fer’got.” He mumbled, opening a flap to empty the contents into his hand, then from his hand to his mouth. Dean took a sip of water then stuck his tongue out in disgust.

 

Cas was about to say to not worry about it, before he remembered his own.  “You’re a savior to the both of us medicinal wise.  I’ll be right back.” He mumbled the last sentence as he got up (not minding that his shirt rode up a bit as he stood) to head over to get his own medication.

 

“I’m just a saint, Cas.” He laughed, “Shits nasty, ain’t it?”

 

“Very, yes.”  Cas sighed as he returned to sit down to the coffee table with the medicine down.

 

“I think we should outlaw it. Or make it taste like candy, oh that’d be nice.” He drummed his hands on the laptops palm rest.

 

“They seem to be helpful at times, but maybe flavored shells to be different flavors would help.” Cas thought aloud as he worked around the way to finish his paper in his head.

 

“I don’t really feel a difference, I stay on em’ for Sammy.” Dean shrugged.

 

Cas hummed, “I stay on mine for Gabe as well.”  And yet again he was worried about D’s reaction to what he’d say again.  “If you stay on yours for me, I would stay on mine for you.  Just to have that extra boost if you’d like...I could sure use it.”

 

“That would be helpful,” Dean chuckled, “Dude are you nervous what I’ll think? Cos you’re actin’ it.” Dean smiled, understanding.

 

“It’s that obvious, huh?” Cas chuckled back at him.  “I don’t know about you, but if a handsome guy you just watched on YouTube was talking to you I’d be nervous.  Plus I don’t want to scare you away or anything.”

 

“Well technically you are just a handsome guy I watched on YouTube..” Dean joked, “Nothing you could say would scare me away, I am a man of baggage, my friend.”

 

“Then I’ll have to warn you that I’ll still be nervous, and it’s not that hard to tell that you’re not exactly the calmest from time to time either.”

 

“I was a born a nervous wreck, Cas.” He admitted, biting his lip nervously.

 

Cas finally found the way to finish his paper, quickly jotting it down before answering.  He threw the pencil down and rubbed his tired face with his hands.  “Well you’re looking pretty good for being a wreck.” He chuckled behind his hands.

 

“All I am to you is a pretty face.” Dean pouted, hiding his face away.

 

“No-o!” Cas giggled at the pout that made him even more adorable.  “For one thing you definitely are a pretty face, and another is that you do have a great personality which is as pretty.”

 

“You just like telling me I’m pretty, not cool.” Dean continued, still pouting though it was hard to hold back his grin.

 

“It’s hard not to when you have a face like yours, Kansas.” He was still giggling out of control with his hands over his mouth.  “Would you like me to stop if it bugs you so much?”

 

“I’d rather--”

 

There was a sound of a door opening in the backround, “Dude. It’s like, four in the morning. Enough giggling, go to bed already.” Bitched an annoyed Sam Winchester.

 

“Sam, go to bed, bitch.”

 

“Jerk! We know you, so just..try man?”

 

There was a deep groan from Dean, “Can I talk to you later, Cas?”

 

“Sam is a pretty smart guy, I’d take his advice, Cassy.” Out came Gabe just on cue, sighing.  “You have class in less than four hours now.”

 

“Yes, of course.” Cas cleared his throat turning back to Dean.  “I believe I will have to talk to you tomorrow, yes.”  Before he could correct himself, he realised that he said ‘tomorrow’ instead of ‘later,’ making him worry slightly at something that probably shouldn’t.

 

“Can’t bother you today, then?” Dean sighed, waving Sam off.

 

“No!  Yes!” Cas quickly answered.  “I-I meant today!  Just after sleeping and--”

 

“Just shut up, say your ‘I love you’s and log off, damnit!” Gabe groaned, grudging back into his room.

 

“I like this guy--” Sam started, only to be interrupted by Dean. “Hell no! You’re not allowed to like him. Cas, sure, but not Gabriel! Sheesh Sam. Bye, Cas. I’ll call when you get back on.” Dean offered a flirtatious wink before his face disappeared from the screen.

 

“You happy, Sammy?” Dean groaned.

 

“Absolutely. My idiotic older brother is sleep deprived and this guy isn’t helping.” Sam retorted with an eye roll before leaving again.

 

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll sleep, get outta’ here, freak.” Sam only grinned in response.

 

Cas blushed with a slightly weak smile as Dean ended the video call.  He closed his spiral and set the pencil on top of it before stretching his arms.  He didn’t think it would be worth sleeping now, and getting less than three hours would probably do him worse.  He was about to turn on the T.V. before seeing one last chat message pop up.

 

 **D_Winchester:** Get some sleep before your class, angel.  I’ll talk to you when you can.

 

With his smile growing, he typed back one last time before shutting his laptop down and heading to his own room.

 

 **C.Novak:** I will do my best to sleep as long as you do.  Goodnight, Kansas. :)

  
Dean turned his laptop off, repositioning in his bed.He could feel the medication kicking in, making him feel off-kilter and loopy. The warmth spread through his veins, so he wrapped the blankets around himself and let sleepiness take him.


	21. Sing To Me, Your Deepest Pains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written with the lovely Sarah! (Same author as last chapter) I know the song written in here sucks. I tried, alright? all the song lines Dean has sang in this fic have been written by me unless I forgot about something.

Sitting in his lecture that morning was torture at it’s finest. He hadn’t gotten any sleep, though he’d attempted for a short amount of time. It seemed rather pointless, considering how little time he had until he had to be up. Normally, he’d be in the back of this required education class by himself. But for some reason he had three girls and a man surrounding him this morning, all speaking in hushed tones to each other, obviously friends. The question was why circle him when there were so many empty spots. Despite having to endure the lecture so early in the morning, he might as well worry about why they decided to gather around him if he wasn’t going to focus.

 

“You’re Castiel, like… The Youtube Castiel. Right?” The man asked, clearing his throat. Castiel shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

 

“Uhm.” He mumbled, feeling his cheeks go up in flames.

 

“Oh please, that’s not him.” One of the girls scoffed, “I’m sure D could do so much better.” She said with a wave of her hand.

 

“I think they’re adorable, whether this is the guy or not.” Another girl argued.

 

“I’ve started a huge shipping community on tumblr! God, the fanfics are _fantastic_!” The last girl said excitedly, fanning herself.

 

“Did you see the one about them accidently meeting and--”

 

“And then they hit it off in person too, and they end up getting married a few years later?”

 

“Yes!”

 

The first girl rolled her eyes and turned to Castiel. “You aren’t nearly as gorgeous as Cas is. His eyes are much brighter while yours are just dull and depressing, but D is in another league of his own. No one can compete with that. Especially not some small town anxiety fueled mess.” The girl growled. He had no idea why she was being so bitter.

 

Cas didn’t know how to respond, especially to the fanfics on a site called “Tumblr.”  He didn’t appreciate the insults or the fact that they had the audacity to just come up to him in class and talk to him about the things they did.

 

But he did know the feeling in his chest, his heart going faster and faster. A fight or flight response, and he was most definitely leaning towards flight at this moment.  Despite not caring about the lecture in anyway but he didn’t want to just bust out and cause himself to have more attention than he wanted.

 

“I think this Cas guy could be good for D,” One of the kinder girls piped up. “He went from this emotionally guarded person to… Well this!” She smiled.  “And I’m pretty sure this is him, I mean how many Cas’s could there be?”

 

“Besides, those cheekbones and eyes aren’t replicable.” The slightly less sane girl added with a cheeky smile, whipping out her iPhone to take a picture of the sleepy man before he could protest.  Cas only turned a darker shade of red not knowing what to do.  “This is so going on tumblr!”

 

“I-I’m sorry, tumblr?” Cas stuttered. “W-what is that?”

 

“Only the best site in the history of existence!” The girl shrieked, bringing attention to the back of the class. The professor cleared his throat, glaring at the girl before continuing.  “How could you not know about it?  You and D are all over it with your own fandom!”

 

Cas only tilted his head a little to the left, completely baffled with everything that was going on.  Why did they have to come and bother him?  Why were they trying to make him feel uncomfortable and insult him?  All he wanted to do was take a few notes then catch up on the sleep he lost.  He was beginning to think that coming to the lecture was far from worth it today.

 

While they continued to bother him, he tried to tune them out until the end of the lecture.  There was about a half hour until he could leave and call D again.  Cas wrote down the few notes he could while the group still bothered him.  The professor dismissed the class when Castiel decided to bolt as fast as he could back to the dorm into solitude, nearly knocking Gabe over in the process.

 

“Well lookey-here. What are you in a rush for, lover boy?” He smirked, licking an oversized lollipop.

 

“I’m in a rush for privacy, Gabriel.” Cas said with narrowed eyes.  This raised Gabriel’s attention, following his younger brother into the dorm.

 

“What’s wrong, Cas?” He asked with a worried concern.

 

“Some women and a man practically cornered me in my class, one was literally berating me. I just want to go to bed finally and call D later.” He said, sounding completely exhausted.

 

“So you lied to me about getting those few hours of sleep then, didn’t you.” Gabe rolled his eyes and sighed, setting down the lollipop on its’ wrapper.

 

“I tried a little.” Cas sighed, looking at his feet sheepishly.

 

Gabe walked over to him to shove him towards his room. “Get to taking a nap then.  If your lover boy calls in I’ll make sure and let him know, alright?  I’ll be a good big bro and set it to him straight.” He smirked at his attempt to make Cas feel better without prying.

 

“Set him straight? How so? Please don’t scare him away.” Cas said, rolling his eyes.

 

“Nah, don’t worry.  You’ve been way better since you started talking to him.  Like I’m just going to scare him away just yet.” He rolled his eyes back at him.

 

“Alright, if you say so. My bed is calling me, feel free to use my laptop while I’m comatose!” Castiel called over his shoulder before crawling into his bed and cocooning himself into the blankets. Sleep took him easily.

 

While Cas slept the day away Gabe went back out to the main room where he was busy going through the most recent of the videos that D had put up. One was within the past hour, so curiosity got the best of him and he clicked the video making it full screen.

 

“Well hello there gorgeous. Welcome to my world!” He smiled, gesturing to his surroundings. He was most definitely outside, probably a park, sitting against a tree. “Actually I’m just sitting on campus waiting for Charlie’s class to get out so we can go get lunch.  She should be out already, so I don’t know what’s taking her so damn long.  I need me a burger…”

 

“But, hey!  We’re actually having a normally weathered day today compared to the screwed up weather we usually have.  It snowed at the beginning of _May_ here.” His expression was amusing while he also seemed disgusted. “I hate the snow. With a passion. When I was tiny, my mom tried to get me to make a snow angel. I started crying when I laid down. One of my few good memories.” D chuckled with a pure smile.

 

“So I’ve actually been paying attention to the comments a little bit here and there, and a ton of you have been commenting on me and my gorgeous blue-eyed commenter, Cas, and what we’ve been up to.” His eyes got bright when he mentioned Cas’ name as he looked away from the camera.

 

“Headphone users beware. Charlie!” He yelled, waving his hand, “Get your ass over here! Where the hell have you been?” His eyes returned to the camera, shaking his head like a parent would, holding back a smirk.

 

“I was busy walking while your lazy ass just sat here waiting for me, sheesh.” Charlie said with what also seemed to be an eye roll.

 

“Unacceptable! I demand an extra piece of pie now!” D grinned, waggling his eyebrows. You could hear Charlie’s ring of laughter as she sat down next to D. “Whatcha’ up to?”

 

“What do you think, dumbass?  I’m giving you food,” While D moved the camera a little over to show Charlie, she pulled out a lunch sack, and out of that two loaded sandwiches.

  
  


“Ah, the things you do to me.” D grinned, aiming the compliment to the sandwich, making Charlie scoff.

 

He set the camera strategically between his knees as he picked up the sandwich both hands, wrapping his mouth around it to take a large bite with a fulfilled smile.

 

“New video?” Charlie asked between bites.

 

“Yes ma’am. We’re talking about Cas.”  D smiled, bumping shoulders with the red head.

 

“Aww, do tell us about you two.” She said, making D turn very red and put his head down to hide the bashful smile on his face.

 

Looking to Charlie instead of the camera, he spoke. “We talked on Skype last night. Long time.” His smile only grew. Charlie grinned nudging the arm against hers with a proud, “There’s my man!”

 

“Shut up,” D leaned into her shoulder to hide himself behind the curtain of red hair.  Watching the video, Gabe laughed a little at watching how sweet he was acting about his brother.

 

“Tell me then.  How long did you guys talk?” Charlie looked down to the head in her shoulder, taking another bite of the sandwich in her hands.

 

“Hours, Charlie. He’s genuine, unlike a lot of people these days. It was nice, really nice.” D blushed, trying to hide his face even deeper.

 

Charlie laughed, unable to hold the weight of the head pressing into her shoulder.  From his knees, she took the camera and scooted away from him.  “Alright, Cassy boy.  You see this embarrassed boy?” She zoomed into D’s very red face.  “I have not once seen him this cute about any emotion ever until he talked to you.  You better know that you’ve made a big impact on this loser’s life.”

 

“Hey!”

 

“It’s said with love. Now hush,” She grinned. “Just treat him right, even if it’s just as friends. Sound okay? We’re going to eat our lunch now and discuss… things I’m not allowed to mention on here. Goodbye!” D turned his head to offer a sweet smile before the video went dark.

 

The screen offered videos of D and other YouTubers when the video ended.  Gabe escaped the screen, sitting in silence with his thoughts. Only to be broken a few minutes later by a small Skype notification, ‘D_Winchester is online!’ He didn’t think twice before clicking on it, bringing up the program so that he could message him.

 

 **C.Novak** : Gabe here, just saw your video of your face turning into a tomato as you talked about my baby bro.

 **D_Winchester** : I’m guessing you liked it then

 **C.Novak** : It was cute to watch you scramble around your mushy feelings about my brother you could say.

 **D_Winchester** : Speaking of him, is he around for another “date” by chance?

 **C.Novak** : Right as he got home he went straight for bed after class.  After last night he decided not to sleep apparently.

 **D_Winchester** : Oh...sorry.  I probably should've been paying attention to the time but I fell asleep during my first class too

 **C.Novak** : Call yourself forgiven since he’s been happier.  I think something happened in the last lecture though.  He came back really upset.

 **D_Winchester** : I’m guessing he didn’t tell you what happened?

 **C.Novak** : Not a clue.  I doubt he’ll say anything to me so try breaking him when he wakes up for me, would ya?

 **D_Winchester** : No problem.

 **C.Novak** : Oh and one more thing, lover boy.

 **D_Winchester** : What do ya need?

 **C.Novak** : For you not to hurt my baby bro or I swear I’ll find your ass to hurt you or I swear you’ll regret it.

 **D_Winchester** : Yeah, don’t threaten me or anything.  But I promise that I won’t do anything.

 **C.Novak** : Good!  Now where’s that Sammy boy?

* * *

Cas woke up feeling only partially rested and in very hot surroundings.  Still in his clothes that he wore to the dreadful lecture and the comforter of his bed made it seem like a sauna.  He kicked off the blankets with a yawn before taking off his jeans.  Cool air hit his bare legs with relief.

He undid the buttons on his shirt before making his way to the closet where he grabbed a random t-shirt.  After putting it on he looked down to see it was his dark gray shirt with the Batman logo on the chest.  It made him remember the pile of classic Batman comics that D had on the floor of his room when Jess went around for a more in-depth tour of his bedroom.

 

“D,” He gasped, just now remembering his promise to call him after his nap.  Cas quickly walked out to the main room of the dorm.

 

“You’re.  Kidding.” Gabe laughed on the couch to who knows. “No way did he go as _Wonder Woman_!”

 

“I’m serious!” The voice answered.  It sounded like none other than Sam. “I still have the photo for blackmail!”

 

Cas walked over to the couch where Gabe was sitting with the laptop in front of him, next to a bare lollipop stick and wrapper.  Gabe was on his Skype in the middle of a call with the younger Winchester leaned up against the chair where Jess sat attempting to read a book.

 

“Gabe?” Cas spoke up approaching the couch.

 

“Morning, bro!  How was your nap?” Gabe perked up, laying his head on top of the couch to see Cas upside down.

 

“It was adequate.” Cas said, looking over to Sam waving on the screen. “Is that Sam?”

 

“Sammy fucking Winchester unlock this bathroom door right this minute or I’ll kick your ass!” Someone shouted, someone who sounded awfully like D.

 

“I haven’t even gotten to the part where when Rhonda Hurley asked to kiss you in seventh grade and you yelled ew!” Sam snarked with such a devious grin that it could have been the devil himself.

 

“ _Sam_!” D shouted, throwing his shoulder into the bathroom door, which only made him chuckle more.

 

“Sam, just go unlock the stupid door, would ya?” Jess asked, leaning up against Sam’s shoulders with her lip jutted out almost as good as D’s.

 

“One more story?” Sam pleaded.

 

“Yeah, sweetcheeks, one more story?” Gabe added on, only with a smirk of evil on his face.

 

“Someone better open this goddamn door or I swear I will murder every single one of you except for Cas!” D shouted back at them.

 

“The lies you tell yourself, Dea-- _D_!” Sam shouted back. In a hushed, quick voice, he said “Once when drunk he called our dad ‘nothing but a dirty redneck.’ Considering worse has been said between the two as sober, this one is just pure _gold_. There was a click of the bathroom lock before Sam, Jess and D’s laptop made it out alive.

 

“Your lover is awake now and wishes to speak with you.” Sam smirked, all but throwing the computer at D.

 

“Damn right he does.” D caught the laptop almost growling. “Just leave and go make out or something.”

 

“Better than Skype sex!” Sam sang over his shoulder, pulling Jess away by the wrist with a permanent smirk on his floppy haired face.

 

“Gross.” Gabe made a face, tossing the laptop behind him to Cas and stood up to leave. “Take it.  Go cyber-canoodle or whatever you two do.”

 

“Cyber _what_?” Cas looked at his brother who only laughed as he left the room.  Looking back to the screen where D started to smirk a little.

 

“Hey, angel.” D smiled, holding the laptop protectively.

 

“Hello, Kansas.” Cas smiled shyly as he walked over to the kitchen with the laptop to plug it in.  It was now decided to him that whenever he’d use ‘angel’ on him, Cas would use ‘Kansas’ like it came as a set.  “I hope I did not keep you waiting.  Especially for too long in the bathroom,”

 

D laughed, sitting down with the laptop in the chair Jess was sitting in previously. “Oh, you were awake to hear that?” His face turns a little red before straight lining. “How much did you hear?”

 

Cas shrugged, smiling awkwardly as he set the laptop down before looking in the refrigerator. “I believe Sam told Gabriel that you went as Wonder Woman for Halloween maybe?”

 

“There’s nothing wrong with a little cross-phase.” D put his arms up in defense but still turning red in his embarrassment.

 

“Did I ever say there was?” This made D shrug with a large, toothy smile. “Like I mentioned, I did not mean to keep you waiting for as long as I did.  I don’t even know how long  I was asleep,”

 

“Well your brother messaged me on Skype not very long after you went to sleep...so maybe three or four hours?  It was about an hour after I put up a video I know.” He puts the laptop on the couch, laying down perched up on a pillow.

 

Cas closed the refrigerator door with an apple in hand.  “A new video you say?”

 

“Yeah, I think you’d like it.  Go and watch it but keep your camera on.  I want to watch your gorgeous face and it’s reaction.” D smirked.

 

Slightly questioning and worried about watching it, Cas went through with watching the video while keeping the camera in view.  By the end of it neither of them could hide a smile.  Cas had to get out of camera shot while he was busy feeling so bashful.

 

“Get back here!” D whined, giggling.

 

“But what Charlie said!” Cas shouted up to the computer while he hid his face and giant smile.

 

“And?”

 

Cas slowly popped his head up from the counter so D could barely see his face.  “Is that true?”

 

“No. There’s another gorgeous blue eyed stranger named Cas in my life that I spent all last night talking to. Yes, it’s true. Girly, maybe. But true.” There was a hint of blush creeping up Dean’s neck, threatening to make this even more embarrassing than it already was.

 

Cas stood up to have himself in view of the laptop’s camera, standing with a blush of his own.  “You’re blushing and it’s making this a hundred times more adorable.” He laughed.

 

“Man we’re a bunch of teenagers again, aren’t we?” D chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. Behind him you could see Sam and Jess trying to embarrass D, though he couldn’t see himself. Castiel did his best not to snigger.

 

“I wasn’t nearly this involved with someone when I was a teenager.  If you could call this being involved I guess.” Cas said, trying not to look behind D to Sam and Jess fooling around incase D noticed.

 

“If I’m being honest, in high school, neither was I. Hell, I was that kid who was going nowhere in life, didn’t want to try, and had a panic attack during my senior presentation.” D shrugged with a grin, obviously not so embarassed about the fact anymore.

 

“Hey, I didn’t even make it to mine.  I nearly passed out before I went on.” Cas said matter-of-factly like it was a competition.  “They were afraid I’d throw up or something on the stage so they weren’t sure to put me on.  I did another few assignments to make up for it instead.”

 

“I wish I’d done that, I ended up missing the rest of the day and was teased until we graduated.” His blush returned but his smile never faded, “Mine was about psychology and stereotypes. Basically I acted like a man-whore and had Jo do the same, to see who was treated worse. She was, obviously. The world hasn’t caught up to the whole ‘Women can have sex too’ movement.”

 

“Mine was going to be over authors and painters replicating works to be like the ones we study from areas around the Renaissance like Shakespeare, Da Vinci, Michelangelo, all of those people.” Cas picked up the apple he retrieved from the fridge earlier, now starting to take a bite out of it.

 

“You certainly like your art, don’t you?” D chuckled, kicking his feet back. Behind him, Sam and Jess were building...something. He couldn’t be sure, but it involved hundreds of colorful straws and toilet paper. A teepee maybe?

 

Cas continued to try and ignore the two in the background.  “Considering my major, yes.”  He chuckled back, leaning against the counter.  “I especially enjoy to sketch.”

 

“What do you like to sketch?” D asked, eyes perking up as he leaned in. He started tapping away on his computer while waiting for an answer.

 

“U-uhm,” Before even saying so, Cas’ blush was starting to reappear.  His sketches and drawings weren’t something he usually shared, but with D he was confident enough to at least say it.  He hoped, “A lot of the time people I guess.”

 

“If I could draw well, I’d draw you.” D smirked, letting his pearly whites show, as well as his cocky side.

 

“Well if I ever get the chance to meet you in person I’ll draw you then.” Cas took another bite of his apple, trying to not show his excitement at the thought of actually meeting him in person.

 

“Now you’re tempting me here! Never tempt a foolish man!” D pouted, “In all seriousness, I can’t wait in that case.”

 

Before saying was Cas did, he contemplated on it before he let it out in a rush, “Maybe you could come for winter break?”

 

“I might not be able to come right away, work and school, but yes. Hundred times yes. Wait that’s so cheesy, just yes.” He smiled, trying hard to not to bust into full out smiles and laughter.

 

“Wait, what?” Cas was actually surprised that he said yes.  He laughed a little before letting go of his apple.  “You’d really want to come up here?”

 

“Hell yes! Why wouldn’t I? I could see you in action, when you’re busy I could see where Bobby’s old place was-- it burnt down a while back but damn. So yes, I’d freaking love to come. I wouldn’t be a burden, would I? It’s a family occasion. Sam’s going to Jess’ family party and all, and I so don’t want to be here with my--...” He trailed off, looking back at the computer.

 

“Don’t even worry about your father, D.  It’s a date.” Cas practically burst out into a laughter when he said that.  He watched D’s reaction, his gorgeous smile beaming away back at him.  “I will have to ask Gabe--”

 

“Yes!” Gabe shouted from his bedroom as soon as he heard his name.  Cas dipped his head in embarrassment.

 

“But what about the rest of your family? Didn’t they ever teach you internet safety, Castiel!” He chastised with a grin, not meaning a word.

 

“Gabe did warn me, yes.  But the question is, should I be worried that I would need the lessons?” Cas raised an eyebrow to him.

 

“Yes. I may murder you in your sleep. I got them’ army skills, baby!” D sang out, waggling his eyebrows, his expression full of humor. “Hey, guys! I don’t need to go to Jess’ parents for Christmas-- What the hell are you making?!” D asked, in complete shock.

 

“A teepee!” They both answered as if it were obvious. D rolled his eyes and waved them off, giving all his attention back to Castiel.

 

“They’ve been back there for quite some time now, I should mention.” Cas said, not waiting for a response.  “Maybe I will just have us meet outside of the campus and have you stay in a hotel then if you’re even warning me, D.”

 

“The only one who should worry is Gabriel. I have a feeling I’ll be his new target. Tell him I own a machete.” D said with a serious tone, making Castiel snort.

 

“Dude, he’s not kidding. I found it the other day, it was slightly terrifying.” Sam warned, D only offered a shrug.

 

“I have all sorts of scary toys in this beautiful apartment, God Bless the US army.” D smirked. “Okay the machete and a few other pointy things I bought on my own, but I didn’t buy the gun. Thas’ all them.” He finally answered, giving a sheepish grin. “But if you want me in a hotel, that’s seriou--”

 

“No! It was a joke! Seriously, you’ll be here with Gabe and I. Though you’ll probably meet another sibling, just maybe. I think we were going to visit Anna at the hospital, and I’m pretty sure Michael will be there by then. You don’t have to come, just if you want.”

 

“I’ll go wherever you want me, Cas my man.” D grinned.

 

“Then I’d love for you to come along.” Castiel beamed back at him.

 

“I’ll figure out when my last exam is, then make sure I let them know I’m not gonna’ be at work. Sound okay?”

 

“Sounds perfect.”

 

“Great! I can’t believe we’re actually doing this. Charlie’s jaw will drop, man.” D chuckled, looking back at Jess and Sam’s creation. “Oh! I said I’d sing you a song, remember? Let me get my guitar, alright?” D smiled. He was racking his brain trying to think of the best song. Maybe play something personal so that he’s telling Cas about him without the pressure?

 

He shook his head as he returned to the computer, “Alright, I’m no good so don’t judge me.” D warned with a pointed finger. Castiel could see in the background that now Sam was recording this, apparently D singing for people wasn’t a normal occurrence.

 

“I wrote this when..When I was in that really awful relationship, never shared this song before. Fuck-- I was so alone, this was my only escape. Barely had this most days. I can’t share worth shit, so please take this as me trying.”

 

D cleared his throat before he began playing, “ _He wants to go home, but no one is home. He’s stuck in this hell, but no one can tell. Bruises he hides, time and time he lies. He’s lost and loveless, but they could care less.._ ” The song carries on, only getting sadder and sadder. Depicting every emotion that Cas never knew words could. He could see Jess trying not to cry in the background every time the line “ _He was unbelieved, they felt deceived, and now He lie, broken inside._ ” Rang out of D’s throat, who was choking back tears of his own.  Sam sat with a pained expression close to tears himself.  Cas on his own was already crying while making sure D didn’t see them too much. It must have brought up so many bad memories. The last line of the song is what broke the levey. “ _He was left there to die._ ”

 

Sam broke into sobs and wrapped his arms around D’s neck, mumbling how sorry he was, D was crying just as hard.

 

“Cas,” Sam croaked, “Can I talk to my brother privately?” Cas nodded profusely before ending the call. Cas took a moment to collect his thoughts before going and knocking on Gabe’s door, then opening it.

 

“Cassy! What’s up?” Gabe cheered, blowing a giant bubble of gum before letting it snap back into his mouth.

 

“You know I love you, right? I don’t care what you do. I love you. If anyone is ever hurting you, I don’t care who it is, I will kill them. Do you understand?” Cas said with such fierceness that it could bore right through Gabe, tears still silently running down his face.

 

“Castiel… What’s wrong? You’re worrying me. No one is hurting me!”

 

“I know that, it’s just.. Did you know D was abused..?” Gabe shook his head. “Well ‘was’ isn’t the right word. His Dad hits him, and his ex nearly killed him. I don’t know any details, he explained he’s not really good at sharing so he played me this song… He wrote it, about the time with the abusive ex-boyfriend. The song was heartbreaking. His family didn’t believe that his boyfriend would do that to him, thinking he was a man so he could defend himself, so he was all alone. He almost died, Gabe.” Cas said, his voice deeper than usual.

 

“I just want you to know that I will never abandon you like that. I don’t care how much nair in my shampoo I end up with. But I do love you, and would never leave you.” Gabe’s worried expression melted into one of understanding.

 

“I love you too, Cassy. I’m thankful that I don’t have to hurt your next boyfriend because apparently he’s a big cuddly bear.” Gabe said with a smile, earning him a faceful of pillow. But Cas was glad he said it.

 


	22. Sharing is Caring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We worked hard on this so I hope you enjoy!

It was a week and a half, a visit to a psychiatrist, a few hangovers, and a bump up on his anti-depressants later, Dean was staring at the wall of his bedroom with his sight still blurry with tears finally subsiding.  He hasn’t been to his classes where Charlie took notes in his absence.  He hasn’t talked to Cas since the song, and he missed him. But the little voice inside his head was telling him its a bad idea. He looked like he’d gone to hell and back. Bags under his eyes, skin was pale; nearly snow like.  Before Dean could even think about the possibility of getting up, someone knocked on his door.

 

“Dean?  Sweetheart?” Jess peeked open the door a little, sticking her head in.

 

“What?” He asked, not budging.

 

“I wanted to see how you were feeling since I’m on my lunch break,” She walked slightly into the room so she was just barely inside the room.  “I was hoping you’d’ve taken a shower by rare chance, but I see not,”

 

“I haven’t moved in ten days, what makes you think that I would have now?”

 

“The hope of double digits maybe.” Jess sighed, walking over to his bed.  When she sat down on it, Dean turned around, wrapping his arms around her waist and laid his head in her lap.

 

“I screwed up, Jessie.” He mumbled, a new set of tears threatening in his eyes.  She stroked his hair in the way Sam mentioned that their mother did, which always helped calmed Dean miraculously.  “He probably thinks I got bored of him and ditched him and he’ll probably never want to talk to me and--”

 

“Enough, Dean.  You left on a sketchy, sad note and if he’s as amazing as he seems then he’ll understand.”

 

“Yeah because everyone would want to continue talking to a pill popping, depressed mess after watching them breaking down.” Tears continued to form to where he pressed his face into her stomach to dry them off at easy access. He’d never felt so ashamed of himself, feeling like he’d finally lost his mind. Terrified, scared that Alistair will pop out of no where and finish what he started.  Jess hushed him and continued to stroke his hair, looking over back to the door without Dean noticing.

 

“Sweetie you’re amazing and just because you had a small fall out doesn’t mean a beautiful boy from Sioux Falls will just let you go.  How likely of a chance is there that you’ll find someone like him?” She asked, not letting Dean answer.  “Not very likely.”

 

He pressed his head farther into her stomach.  In a muffled tone he sighed, “Maybe for me.  Someone with cheekbones like that it should be easy for him.”  He didn’t hear the door slightly opening when it did.

 

“You really think so?”  He nodded.  “Why don’t you just ask him?”  He shrugged.

 

“Dean.” Sam perked up.

 

“Get out of here Sam.  Your girlfriend’s mine now.” Dean almost growled at him, making Jess laugh a little.

 

“Yeah.  Sure.  Yours.” Sam snorted.  “I know you’re not going to turn around anytime soon, but I should let you know I have calling Cas just a click away as we speak.”

 

Dean peeked his head out from Jess’ stomach, looking up to her with tired eyes.  “No bluff?”

 

“Sorry,” Jess sighed as his head went back into her stomach.  “You’ve got a good chance at being happy with Cas, and we can’t have you ruin it for one thing.  Plus you’re happy with him.”  He mumbled something that was inaudible to any of them.

 

“If Charlie could’ve gotten off work we would of had a serious intervention, so you might want to figure out something before you have to deal with her.”

 

“I look like shit though.” Dean whined.

 

“Then take a shower, comb your hair, do whatever and call him  after we leave if you have to.” Jess offered.  “I don’t want to leave, but I have to so I’m not late to work, okay?”

 

“Don’t leave me Jessie,” He continued to whine and hold onto her tighter.

 

Sam sighed, setting down the laptop on the bed.  He pecked a kiss on Jess’ forehead before grabbing Dean up by the waist, pulling him off of his girlfriend.  Dean kicked and protested at his younger brother, trying to be let go.  He wanted to hold onto Jess and never let go no matter what. She won’t hurt him, she will believe him, she’s one of his best friends despite not hanging out constantly. She knows so much about him that he can barely put into words. Things that no one else in this world know. Right now, he needs her.

 

“Come on, Dean.” Sam said when standing his brother up straight.  “Do this and you’ll have your own Castiel to cuddle whenever you can.”

 

“No one wants a fuck up, Sam!” Dean cried out, going limp, wanting to just turn into mush and never move again. “I don’t want to be someones ‘get better’ project!” There have been so many people who stuck around just to fix Dean. They obviously didn’t stick around. “Besides, he’s far away, I’m still alone.” His words were nearly a whisper, every single word laced with pain and sorrow. Terrified of ending up alone, and like his damn father.

 

“We will call him up right this minute and take the rest of the day off if it means that you’d actually talk to him, Dean.” Jess sighed, standing up.

 

“You can’t make me.”

 

“Fine.” She grabbed the confused Sam’s hand, entwining hers with it.  “We’ll be back later.  There’s a sandwich on the table if you’re hungry enough to get up.  And take a shower, please.”

 

Sam and Dean were both confused (and terrified) by what Jess what potentially plotting.  Dean only stayed still while Sam followed his girlfriend out of the room.  Once he heard the front door to the apartment close, he sat up.

 

Blood rushed to his head from sitting up for the first time in forever.  The way Jess left meant she had something planned for him in order to set him straight.  The tiniest sliver of his brain thought she might even call Cas down here despite how unlikely that was.  Dean saw the laptop sitting at the foot of his bed.  Sam had written “Call him.” on a green sticky note that was stuck to the closed lid.

 

Dean dared to look up at the mirror hanging on the wall.  His greasy hair was sticking up in multiple directions and his eyes were sunken with exhaustion.  He thought that he didn’t look too pale, but it would still be better if he ate something to fulfill the growl his stomach made.  Ten days is enough, he thought.  Getting out of his bed for the first time to do something all week was a difficult task.

 

Somehow he managed to make it in and out of the shower as well as go through three rinses of both his body and face while also shaving.  He sat on his bedroom floor, hair still wet, in his boxers for a few minutes.  Ignoring all the scars on his body he sat in front of the mirror, looking at his face.   His face was smooth and his eyes were a little less sunken.  His hair was a more tamed of a crazy now.  It was the first time Dean probably felt self conscious about his looks when he was about to talk to someone in a long time.

 

Soon wearing a pair of Jayhawk sweatpants and a Guns ‘n’ Roses t-shirt his stomach was calling for the sandwich that Jess said she left.  He was only half sure that the sandwich sitting on the table was real and that Jess only said that to get him to leave his bedroom.

 

Thankfully, the sandwich was sitting there with another bright green sticky note that said ‘Please call him?’ He could tell there was no way they’d just let this go. Two bites into his sandwich his front door swings open, making Dean jump. “Sonovabitch!” He yelled, throwing his food back onto his plate. He relaxed when he saw it was just his fired up friend, Charlie.

 

“Dean Winchester enough is enough! I get that you're sad, I do. This must have brought up some really bad memories. But not doing anything in life because of that, isn’t okay! I won’t let you just throw away a good guy, and ruin your life!” Charlie said loudly. She sighed before speaking again, “I’m really glad you are at least out of bed, and all that jazz. We miss you out there, Dean-o.” Her smile was soft with undertones of sadness.

 

“Is this Jess’ big, scary scheme?” Dean scoffed, almost joking.  “She can do better than this.”

 

“It’s part of it. Now go call Cas or I’ll be forced to finish the whole plan, Winchester.” Charlie smiled, the conversation feeling a lot more normal than a few moments before.

 

He only had a small spark of worry, which he ignored of course.  Dean leaned forward, smirking.  “Do your worst.”

 

“You’re going to wish you hadn’t said that.” Charlie warned, wearing a smirk of her own. Within seconds Charlie was hanging on Dean’s back, wrapping herself around him.

 

“Jesus, Charlie!” Dean yelled, stumbling, and falling onto the couch face first. Charlie pins his hands to the couch, straddling him.

 

“Call Cas, dumbass.” Charlie laughed.

 

“I kinda can’t do that if you’re pinning me to the couch!” He yelled, straining his neck so he wasn’t talking into the couch cushion.

 

“You have to promise, or I won’t let you get up.” She warned.

 

“Will you still be pinning me down during it?  Because I think that’d send some mixed signals,” He joked, trying to get up but failing.

 

“If it becomes necessary, yes.” Charlie said, her tone completely serious, “He makes you happy and you are hurting not only yourself but him, and you’re scaring the people around you. We care about you for some reason, and we love you. So we want you happy, if that boy makes you happy then I will make you call him if it’s the last thing I do!”

 

“Alright!  Fine!  Sheesh!” Dean groaned, but was actually glad he had the push to call Cas even if it was threatening.  “Just get off me!”

 

Charlie smirked to herself as she was getting up. Dean laid there a few moments while Charlie padded off to get the laptop for him, leaving nothing to chance.  She came back with the laptop in hand, sitting down with it.  Without even letting Dean lay a finger on it she brought up Skype and called Cas herself.  It didn’t take more than five seconds for Gabe’s scowling face to show up on the screen.

 

“So now the princess decides he has time to talk to my baby brother?” Gabe asked, sounding pissed. If Dean had thought Charlie was pissed, this was a whole new level.

 

“Mostly by force of my wrath, hon.” Charlie said, showing her face to Gabe more completely.  “I’m Charlie, by the way.”

 

“I’m Gabe. Sorry we had to meet over this big brother deathmatch.” Gabe said, his town slightly lighter now that he wasn’t talking to Dean.

 

“Totally understandable.” Charlie said.  “It’s good you can get on his ass, too.  Seeing how it’s your brother.  If it’s possible, I’d like to have this ass talk to him.”

 

“Hey!” Dean yelled. Charlie ignored him, rolling her eyes.

 

“Give me an explanation first. Then I may let you talk to him.” Gabe said, never meeting Dean’s eyes.

 

“I hit rock bottom, Gabe.” Dean said, averting his eyes, embarrassed to admit it.  “It was mostly my fault, I picked the only song that would ruin my happy-streak of course.”

 

“Then why the hell pick it?” Gabe asked, bewildered. He was adjusting slightly, bumping the webcam, for a flash you could see into a bedroom where someone was sleeping.

 

“Because for the life of me, I can’t share with people, Gabe. I use music to share, and I wanted Cas to understand a little more about me. In the end it just hurt me, and I’m genuinely sorry I didn’t say anything.” Dean said, his voice scratchy from little use over the past ten days.

 

Gabe’s expression sparked a slight bit of what didn’t seem all death glare before going back to being rock solid.  After a minute of contemplation, he sighed and let his expression soften a slight bit. “You better be glad that I’m in a forgiving mood, Winchester.”

 

Dean breaths a sigh of relief, “Thank you, Gabe. Really, I know I don’t deserve it, but thank you none the less.” His barely there smile making an appearance.

 

“Now I have leverage for when you’re deciding to be an ass in similar situations.” Charlie budged in, smirking.  “The threatening older brother.  Sound familiar?”

 

“Yeah, yeah. Shuddup.” Dean smiled, nudging Charlie. The front door opened again, this time slowly, then a head poked in.

 

“Dean, you’re up!” Sam smiled, coming into the apartment.

 

“Well isn’t it my second favorite baby bro!” Gabe perked up.

 

“Hush up, you two aren’t allowed to be friends. I’d get my ass handed to me.” Dean scoffed, offering a complete smile. Sam walked over, gathering Dean in a quick hug before kissing Charlie on the cheek.

 

“Thanks Charlie, Jess sends her love.” He smiled, sitting down on the couch next to Dean.

 

“It’s a damn family intervention now,” Dean mumbled.  “It’s supposed to be me talking to Cas, not the majority of the Kansas half of it,”

 

“Alright, I give in. I’ll go wake up your lover boy. He’ll be happy you called.” Gabe said, smiling softly but sadly at him. In the background you could hear them. “Cassy, your lover is calling. He looks like he slept in the woods for a week, but I didn’t bite or anything.” Dean rolled his eyes smiling.

 

“You gonna be okay doing this? Still might bring up those feelings..” Sam said, his voice laced with worry.

 

“I can do this.” No one could tell if he was trying to reassure Sam, or himself. “Without your help, guys.”

 

Sam simply gave a bitchface and stood up, but Charlie stayed put. Gabe came back to the screen, picking up the laptop.

 

“It’s one Winchester and a redhead for delivery.” Gabe said, walking with the laptop into the bedroom. A light was on, and when the laptop was turned around a body laid face down under a couple of large blankets. There was a little bit of rustling before a messy bedheaded Cas came into view.

 

“You weren’t kidding!” He gasped, hands reaching for the laptop. “Kansas, are you okay?”

 

Dean couldn’t hide how big the smile on his face was when he saw Cas. “I’m better now, angel. Don’t worry about me.”

 

“But… What happened? Last I saw you...well...Then it’s dead silence for ten days…” Cas trailed off, biting his lip nervously.

 

“The song brought up some really bad memories, you know? Not saying anything was a dick move, but honestly I stayed in bed for the whole ten days. They messed with my meds, I barely did anything. If it’s any consolation, I really missed you.” Dean explains, taking a deep calming breath. In unison, Sam, Gabe, and Charlie all ‘aw’d at Dean, making him turn a dark red. “Shut up,”

 

Cas smiled sitting up, laughing a little.  “I really missed you, too.”

 

“What’d I miss? Any anarchist groups take over the government?” Dean asked, voice way too hopeful.

 

“Sadly no.  Not much has occurred that is mention-worthy.” Cas answered.

 

“Yeah, because you spent half of the time laying in bed yourself.” Gabe butted in.

 

“Rough time?” Dean frowned, cocking his head to the side.

 

“What’d you expect, pretty boy?” Gabe scowled.  “You weren’t the only one who was affected genius.”

 

“Enough, Gabriel.” Cas barked quietly.

 

“It’s not like he wanted to hurt the guy! He was in pain, dude. You weren’t the one who had to live it, I understand not hearing from him freaked Cas out but this is a lot bigger than a few days of silence. The guy is still out there in the world while this one was hiding in his bed!” Sam yelled, completely frustrated with the whole situation. The anger he felt ages ago bubbling back up to the surface.

 

Gabe was silent for a moment before responding, “He’s still out there?” His voice much more sympathetic.

 

“Yeah, he is. So can you understand why he’s so..this! If the guy was behind bars, I’m pretty sure my brother wouldn’t be terrified of leaving this crappy apartment!” Sam barked, all attention on him.

 

Cas frowned, sighing a little.  “I don’t think this is helping D.  I would rather talk to him without the help of all of you.”

 

“Alright, this is my cue to leave.” Charlie said, standing up.  “Let the boyfriends talk out their issues.”  She grabbed the sleeve of Sam’s jacket, pulling him towards the front door.  “Peace!”

 

“Might as well follow Charlie’s move, she’s been smart about everything else so far.” Gabe sighed, walking to the door of Cas’ room.  “I swear if you stay up ‘til four again--”

 

“Goodbye, Gabriel.” Cas said.  Gabe rolled his eyes, closing the door behind him.

 

“Hey, Cas.” Dean said quietly, rubbing the side of his face. There was still slight stubble, since he didn’t get a new disposable razor, prompting him to use an old one. It wasn’t nearly as effective.

 

“Hello, D.” Cas said at the same volume.  He took one of the comforters that he had over him and wrapped it around his shoulders.

 

“I’m sorry I upset you, I really am. That’s not what I was trying to do.” Dean croaked, his throat uncomfortably dry. “I wasn’t thinking about the big picture, just..Just thinking how scared and sad I felt. God I hate talking about my feelings!” Dean snapped, not at Cas, but the situation.

 

“D, please calm down.” Cas said worriedly.  “I forgive you for the whole thing.  It obviously upsets you very much and it’s a very bad place for you to go.  Just forget about it.” He offered a sweet smile to try and help convince him.

 

“I hate feeling like this. Powerless.” Dean admitted, feeling small and inferior.

 

“You’re definitely not powerless to me, D.  I haven’t talked to you very long at all, but it’s hard to see you like this.” Cas frowned, wanting to reach through the computer in his lap to take him and never let him go.

 

“I’m terrified one day I’ll wake up and he’s here.. It’s not like I know how to avoid him, he’s off the map and has avoided police for a helluva long time. Whenever theres a bang or someone taps me for my attention, I feel like I’m about to jump out of my skin.” Dean said, trying to keep his breathing calm and even.

 

Cas didn’t know how to try and help him, seeing tears threatening in D’s eyes.  He didn’t know what to say that could help comfort him.  “I’m so sorry, D.  I wish I knew how I could help.”

 

“If you have any ideas, feel free to mention any.” Dean sighed, rubbing the tears from his eyes.

 

Sighing, Cas looked around his room absentmindedly. He saw the brand new sketchpad on the floor that he bought earlier in the week.  An idea sparked instantly.  “I do have one, but it may take a while.”

 

“Yeah?” He lifted his head a little, peeking out from behind his hand.

 

“I would like it to be a surprise, personally. So if you could do something while I finish that can keep you in view, that would be good.” Cas set down the laptop to get the sketchpad and the pencil on the floor near it.

 

“Go for it, I’ll be here.” Dean smiled, looking around the room nervously. He wiped his clammy palms on his sweats, noting the time. Jess would be off work somewhat soon, and would probably be glad that he was up.

 

“Just try your best to not move too much, Kansas.” Cas beamed, sitting up a little more straight, opening the book.

 

“What are you doing?” Dean chuckled, sitting up a little straighter himself.

 

“You’ll see.” Cas laughed, adjusting the pencil in his hand.

 

“Well what do I do?” Dean asked, watching Cas.

 

“That’s kinda up to you, handsome.” Cas contemplated on an angle and pose for drawing him.  “You could work on a new video for the people who are almost half as worried as I was,”

 

“Well alright, did they think I was dead again?” Dean asked, opening up his video program as well as Google Chrome.

 

“I almost thought so,” Cas said quietly, putting his focus and eyes on the paper in his lap.  Clearing his throat he quickly added, “But I’m sure they just suspected it was a busy week.”

 

“I’m sorry, Angel. ‘M not dead, still got my perky nipples. All is well.” Dean joked, hoping to get a smile from Cas.

 

Lucky for Dean, he got a very large and toothy smile from Cas.  “I’m sure you do, Kansas.”

 

“Don’t make me prove it!” Dean laughed, “Now tell me, am I sexy enough for some candid camera?” He asked, waggling his eyebrows.

 

“Oh trust me, you are.  And feel free to prove it any time.” Cas looked up to both see his smile and to get another look for reference.  He turned red admitting his opinion on D’s looks.

 

“Another compliment to fill the ego machine,” Dean laughed, “Okay I’m going to start recording. Don’t make me laugh, okay?” Dean grinned, waiting for a response before he clicks record.

 

“No promises,” Cas smiled, working on the outline of his drawing.

 

“Let’s do this, Angel.” He smiled, pressing record. “Hey all. I’m not dead, where’s the champagne?” He joked, rubbing at his stubble again.

 

“Anyway, yeah I know you were expecting to hear from me and… Cas what the hell are you doing?” Dean laughed, looking back at the open Skype window. Cas only looked up temporarily and smiled. “Sorry everyone, I have Cas open on Skype and he won’t tell me what he’s doing. Sneaky little bastard. Anyways, how are you guys doing? Getting ready for Thanksgiving? Only got..” He trailed off to look at the computers calendar, “Three days until Thanksgiving? What are you going to be doing? I’m going to the Roadhouse for family-friend-anyone dinner and drinks. I’m excited, I guess. I see and talk to the people who mean the most to me enough that Thanksgiving isn’t a huge deal. Cas, what you doing for the holiday?”

 

“I believe that Gabe and I might have to have a dreadful family dinner, but I am not completely sure.” Cas answered, looking back up with a realization coming to mind.  “I’m guessing that this will mean I will be heard during your video?”

 

“Unless you’re uncomfortable, I can edit that out.” Dean said with a lazy smile.

 

“Don’t worry, D.  Go ahead and keep me in the video if you’d like.” Cas matched the smile D gave him.

 

“Great, anywhos. I can’t wait for black Friday, and no it’s not like that. Ellen and Jo always go out, dragging Sam, me, and Jess along then come back the most frazzled bitchy women on the planet. We make bets who will snap first, and when. This year I called Jo by seven am.” Dean smirked as the front door opened again.

 

“Hey, glad you're up.” Came a soft voice, Jess.

 

“Hey there gorgeous, how was work? C’mere.” Dean said, motioning for her to come sit next to him.  Cas raised his head lightly at the mention of the nickname ‘gorgeous’ to see he was talking to Jess.  Ignoring it and turning red he went back to working on the surprise.

 

Jess huffed as she dropped down next to him, ignoring the camera. “It was dreadful. Stupid teenagers.”

 

“Jess, you’re a teenager. Nine _teen_.” Dean laughed, stressing the word teen.

 

“Yeah, well you’re a stinky old man, you bum.” Jess joked, jabbing him in the side with her finger. Cas couldn’t help but laugh at the comment towards him.

 

“Well I didn’t even see your pretty face, Cas. What’re you doing?” Jess asked, slumping back into the couch, resting against Dean, who wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

 

“It is a surprise for D that I hope will make him feel better, actually.” Cas said, smiling at them.  He knew that D wasn’t attracted to Jess, but the position with him wrapped around her made him want to be where she was a little more.

 

“Aww, that’s so sweet! You guys are too much,” She smiled, “Well Sam called to ask me that if after you’re done with your boy..boy-something, if you wanted to go out for dinner and a movie?”

 

“Ah, you know how to wine and dine a man,” Dean laughed, “Absolutely, I’m starved. Pizza or Chinese, preferably Chinese.”

 

“Great! I’ll call him and tell him, have fun you two!” She smiled, getting out her phone. She pecked Dean on the cheek before scurrying off.

 

“That, was the lovely Jess. Food is motivation, my friends. So you probably won’t hear from me until after Thanksgiving, so happy holidays everyone. Say goodbye, Cas!” Dean smiled, nearly beaming.

 

“Goodbye everyone!” Cas said, looking up to Dean as he talked.  The green eyes looking back at him were the bright green eyes.  They distracted him from his sketch for longer than he expected.

 

Dean leaned back a moment before ending the video, only to be ambushed, Jess cover his eyes with a scarf, “D likes to cuddle!” She chimed before running off to the guest room, which was slowly beginning to just be ‘Sam and Jess’ room.’

 

“Dammit, Jess!” Dean shouted, beat red. “Bye everyone.” He ended the video, then maximized the Skype window.

 

“That’s good information to know for later I should assume.” Cas laughed.

 

“Oh hush up!” Dean chuckled as Jess ran back out yelling, “He likes to be little spoon!”

 

“I’m going to kill her, I swear.” Dean muttered, hiding his face and smile.

 

“I’ll have to keep notes if she stays around.” Cas laughed, paying attention to D over the sketchpad at the moment.

 

“Keep this one, he actually likes me around!” Jess shouted over the kitchen isle. Dean sighed and threw a throw pillow in her general direction, nearly knocking over the vase that held kitchen utensils.

 

Cas smiled at D’s embarrassment and red face.  “I would be completely okay with keeping me around,” He laughed nervously.

 

“I would too, but I’m going to kick her out!” He laughed, while Jess dashed around in the background reeking havoc.

 

“I’m going to tell Sam you said that,” She pouted, picking up the pillow he threw, and threw it back, hitting him square in the back of the head.

 

“You are the devil, woman!” Dean yelled, laughing to the point of tears.

 

Cas looked up to his screen to see him rubbing tears in his eyes, having not payed attention to what they were talking about all that much. “Are you alright, D?” Cas asked worriedly.

 

“No, I’m living with the devil!” He laughed even harder. Jess jumped over the couch, tackling him in a hug, kissing his cheek aggressively. “God did you smoke crack or something, sheesh!” Dean said, gasping for air. “I live with a hyperactive four year old, save me Cas!” Dean said with faux exasperation.

 

“I have limited capabilities from here, unless you’re willing a five hour drive.” Cas joked.

 

Jess continued kissing Dean’s cheek before making a face, “God what is with the horrible stubble, it’s hard to be loving when you have this stuff.” She smiled, patting his cheek.The front door opened again, two people coming in. Sam and Charlie. Jess gave Dean a finale peck before jumping up and attacking Sam with full on kisses and hugs.

 

“She’s on crack, that’s my final answer.” Dean offered with a shrug when Sam looked to him with questions written all over his face.

 

“Dude, I walk in and my girlfriend’s all over you?” Sam asked, laughing and not serious.  “Obviously I was gone for too long if she’s going for you.”

 

“Shut up. I’m too gay for Cas to let her actually do anything, bitch. It’s called gay attraction syndrome.” Dean laughed, winking at his brother.

 

“Gay attraction syndrome?” Charlie asked, laughing. “A ton of guys at KU must have it then.”

 

“Charlie and I are the epitome of attraction, just for the the wrong gender.” Dean laughed, waggling his eyebrows at Cas. “So when you gonna show me what you’re drawing?” Dean whined, pouting.

 

“Better not be for the wrong gender or I’m screwed.” Cas joked.  “Obviously it’ll be when I’m done with it.”

 

“Or you could show me now and I’ll show you my perky nipples?” Dean offered.

 

“Gross!” Sam interjected, while everyone else laughed.

 

“You put up a hard bargain, Kansas.” Cas started turning a dark red.

 

“Perky nipples and co--”

 

“If you finish that sentence I’ll have to bleach my brain!” Sam yelled, clamping his hands over his ears.

 

“I was going to say collection of dangerous pointy things, you baby.” Dean said, rolling his eyes. “Not everyone has their mind in the gutter, Samantha.”

 

“I have to side with Sam a little and say glad that the sentence did not end the way originally imagine, considering I don’t even know your name yet.” Cas said nervously, his laugh dripping with relief.

 

“Well I can tell you it starts with a D.” Dean smirked.

 

“No shit.” Charlie said, rolling her eyes.

 

“No comments from the peanut gallery!” Dean complained with a snort.

 

“Alright, alright. We know we’re not wanted. We’ll be at the House of Kee under Winchester, don’t take too long or Charlie will eat all the chow mein!” Sam warned, ushering everyone out of the apartment, leaving them in echoing silence.

 

“I see your side of this ‘relationship’ has a lot of good interest.” Cas laughed, watching D sigh in relief as they left.

 

“What’dya mean, smarty-pants?” Dean chuckled, picking up his laptop to bring it into his bedroom so he could change into something that wasn’t what he’d wear to bed.

 

“Did you not see the group of people pestering you and Jess revealing your few secrets of cuddling to the world?” Cas asked.

 

“Meh,” Dean shrugged, “They’re family, it comes with the package. Add Benny and we’ve got the ball rolling, y’know?” Dean said nonchalantly, dropping the laptop onto his bed to get changed, unaware he was still in view, he stripped his shirt and opened his dresser.

 

“Family doesn’t end with blood, so I’m lucky in that sense. Jo, Ellen and Bobby too, but the people you just saw mean a hell of a lot to me.” Dean shrugged, scratching at his bare back while he rifled through t-shirts looking for one in particular.

 

Cas couldn’t answer, being slightly distracted by the toned back of the handsome man on his screen.  “I...uh…” He couldn’t bring the words to his mouth.

 

Dean stripped his sweats, leaving himself just in boxers while he still searched for the certain clothes he wanted, “Cat got your tongue, Cas?” He asked, looking over his shoulder. The scars were prominent, long and thick, running up and down his back, one running down the entirety of his spine. The worse being over the back of his ribcage, easily over six inches long and being the thickest. Dean ran his thumb under the elastic of his boxers, loosening them up slightly.

 

The almost naked body was enough, the slight tightness in his pants forming.  The scars weren’t the main focus, although he left them in his mind for a later day to bring up.  The handsome figure nearly stripping in front of him was the main concern.  “The muscles on the back of one maybe.”

 

“Wait what?” Dean asked, body arched in confusion. He pulled his arms back to pop his shoulders, stretching his tired muscles, things ached from being in bed for a good ten days.

 

“T-the back of a very tall, toned, green eyed cat maybe.” Cas answered, not able to avert his eyes.

 

“Everyone’s weird tonight, man. Talkin’ about cats and me havin’ too much stubble. I swear, they say _I’m_ not sane.” Dean scoffed, tugging on his boxers again, showing the dip of his spine.

 

D’s actions did not help Cas trying to be subtle on the situation. “Considering the cat is the one with the stubble I’d say maybe the cat’s even oblivious…”

 

“Where the hell is that shirt!” Dean complained, starting to toss shirts over his shoulder, planning on picking them up after dinner. “Dude, are you planning on getting a cat or somethin’?”

 

“No, but I’ll see the one still in view on Skype over winter break.” Cas said, distracted from the view on how unaware of what he was talking about.

 

“You’re so cryptic man, cmon now. I-- found it!” Dean said, sounding proud of himself. He pulls the shirt over his head then opens up his jean drawer, he stumbles a bit as he pulls a pair of well worn jeans on. Followed by a pair of socks, both a different color.

 

“Kansas,” Cas started.

 

“Mm-yes, Angel o’ Thursday?” Dean smirked to himself as he pulled on his shoes, followed by a plaid shirt.

 

“T-turn around.” Was the only possibility to even get him to realize the situation.

 

Dean did as he was told, to see a beat red Castiel, pointed right at him. Realization hit him like a wave, “Ah fuck.” Was all he could manage to say.

 

“Almost my thoughts actually.” Cas said, turning even a little more red.

 

“I-- I don’t know what to say, uh, like at all. I literally stripped in front of you. Today couldn’t get any weirder.” Dean groaned, mentally kicking himself. He couldn’t point it at the wall or something?

 

“You’re telling me,” Cas laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

“I vote that we never let Jess know this, because she will literally throw a ‘Your dry spell is over!’ party.” Dean said, leaving no room for debate, his tone completely serious. “That girl is a firecracker some days, and today is definitely one of them.”

 

“I will make sure to leave this out of our conversations around her,” Cas assured. “I hope this just doesn’t mean I have to return the favor,”

 

“Nah, no returning the favor. Wouldn’t shoot the idea down though,” Dean smirked, laughing. “Though you could do one thing…” He said trailing off, giving Cas the best puppy dog eyes he could muster.

 

“I’m only done with a portion of it, Kansas.” Cas tried to use as an excuse, knowing it wouldn’t work.  The eyes were hard to not let him break, though.  

 

“You’re a shitty liar, my friend.” Dean grinned, “What if I would share a big ass secret with you if you showed me?” He offered, giving Cas a smile as he flopped onto his bed.

 

“I’m doing this as a way to make you feel better, not as a bribe for you to spill information.” Cas laughed, starting to work on the drawing again.

 

“What if I actually wanna tell you, and think it would make you happy too?” Dean inquired, relaxing into the memory foam.

 

“Then that’s up to you to share that if you’re up to it.” Cas said, fixing a part of the drawing quickly.

 

“Well then when I see the super secret thingy, I’ll drop my bomb.” Dean grinned, cocking his head to the side so that it rested on his shoulder.

 

“Do you care that it’s not finished?” Cas asked, wishing he could capture the pose on camera, discreetly taking a screenshot of D.

 

“Not really, too excited to care I suppose.” Dean grinned, watching Cas in his element.

 

“Alright then,” Cas laughed.  “I should let you know that I don’t really share this so called ‘skill’ of mine with anyone and I doubt it’s any real good.”

 

Cas bit his lip, swatting the eraser shavings from the page and lifting it to the screen for D to see.  It was a still of him, a popular view of what he got to see of him; a front view, leaned back, his head looking down and away from the screen. He had a big smile on his face, teeth showing and all.  It wasn’t completely finished like Cas warned, so it was mostly just the outer side of his face, cheekbone to nose.  His smile and both of his eyes were filled out as well as most of his hair.  The rest was just outlines and simple sketch lines. It was almost life-like to D despite Cas’ doubts.

 

“Holy blonde cheerleader batman,” Dean muttered, not able to look away. “No fucking wonder you’re an art major.”

 

“It still has a lot of work to be done I think,” Cas muttered, turning red from the compliment.

 

“It’s so life like.. How’d you do that?” Dean wondered, not exactly aware he was thinking outloud.

 

“I would hope so since that’s usually the style I go for,” Cas laughed nervously.  “Almost a year and a half of learning how to is probably the easiest answer I could give.”

 

“Well it’s freaking amazing, Cas. Not to sound vain but it’s beautiful. I mean how you drew, not me.” Dean laughed, absolutely amazed.

 

“I think the fact that it’s you is the best part.” Cas offered. “If you like the end product I would be willing to send it to your building if you’d like,”

 

“Please do,” Dean muttered. No one had ever done something like that for him.

 

“I will probably have it done by tomorrow or the day after and could send it by Monday.” Cas said. “It could be to the general building and labeled ‘Winchester’ if you’d like as well.”

  
“I can do you one better,” Dean smiled. He’d never felt more sure of himself than in that moment. “Room 201 of Berkeley Flats Apartments and my name is Dean Winchester.”


	23. Hypothermic Love Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emotions will go haywire  
> Written over one all nighter, what can we say, WE ARE AWESOME

 

“Dean-o my boy!” Gabe exclaimed.  It was all that Gabe called him now that he knew his name, as learned three days ago when he told his little brother, who was in the shower as they spoke.

 

“Hey, Gabe.” Dean laughed.  He wasn’t used to being called that still.  When he first told Cas, he couldn’t hear it enough.  Just “Dean” and “Dean Winchester” repeated over and over again to him by the voice of an angel.

 

“Happy Thanksgiving first of all,” Gabe mentioned. “And second, Cassy mentioned a little thing about a strip-tease.”

 

“Oh, jesus.” Dean groaned, hiding his blush that started forming.  “What about it?”

 

“Relax!  I’m just returning the favor,” He laughed, raising the laptop a bit.

 

“How so? I don’t want to see your dick if that’s what you’re aiming at, Gabe.” Dean shuddered at the thought, not that Gabe isn’t a nice guy, he just wasn’t Dean’s type. At all.

 

“Oh please,” Gabe scoffed, looking behind him as a door opened. “Save that for another Novak.”

 

“Gabe, what the hell did you do with my underwear?” Cas asked furiously.

 

Gabe sat the laptop down to where Dean could still see behind the couch where Cas approached in just a towel, showing the top of his hipbone tattoo.

 

“Holy crap.” Dean managed, seeing the dripping Cas on the screen. Defined muscles, but not too much, a shallow V down his hips where his towel was held lazily. ‘Dead people, small children, god anything but that.’ Was going through his mind, trying to avoid the inevitable erection.

 

“You mean these?” Gabe used a pair of barbeque tongs, holding a plastic bag that was filled with different colored pairs of boxers.  “I was only holding them in this bag for a while.”

 

Cas sighed, walking over to the bag and snatching it from the tongs. On the way over Dean got another viewing of the angel wings tattoo he had on his shoulder blades.  “What did you need my underwear for exactly?”

 

“Oh you know, same ol’ same ol’. Being the greatest friend in the history of ever,” He said, giving a fake cough, letting Dean know that was definitely for him.

 

“What are you talking about?” Cas asked, holding onto the towel around his waist a little tighter.  “Oh whatever.” He walked back to his room with his underwear, passing by the laptop again.

 

“You’ll love me later, bro.” Gabe sang to him, walking back over to the laptop, raising an eyebrow to Dean whose mouth was gaping open on the screen.

 

“What’d ya’ think, Dean-o?” Gabe smirked before bursting out laughing as he watched Dean uncomfortably adjust his pants. “Still have those teenage hormones, huh?”

 

“Shaddup,” Dean replied simply with a roll of his eyes.

 

“Gabe are you talking to Dean?!” Cas busted out of his bathroom with boxers on this time, face starting to turn red.  “I heard you say ‘Dean-o’ di--”

“I was just returning the favor, bro!” Gabe laughed maniacally, watching Cas walk over with a panicked expression.  He saw Dean’s also red face smiling awkwardly back at him.

 

“Uhm. Hey there,” Dean mumbled, trying his best to not stare. “How’s it hanging? Any plans with the family?” ‘Keep it casual, Winchester.’ He thought.

 

“Just the death of an older brother at the moment.” Cas glared at Gabe, feeling overly exposed in  just his boxers.

 

Gabe laughed, “What, is Michael dead?”

 

“Guess again.”

 

Cas went after Gabe, who he had to chase around the dorm yelling at him. Dean could only watch the event, the blur of the two running around.  Gabe was still laughing, turning around to catch Cas when they were standing behind the couch.  In one arm he held him down, in the other he held the elastic of his brother’s boxers threatening to pull them off in front of Dean.

 

“I would literally kill you, and leave your body on the side of the road, Gabriel.” Cas growled, squirming under his brothers hold.

 

“Oh please, you wouldn’t let me kill a mouse when we were kids, you set it free in the woods. Like you’d actually kill me.” Gabriel said with a dramatic sigh, pressing the hand that was pulling on his brothers boxers to his forehead, “Whatever shall I do, my brother is making empty threats.”

 

“Try me.” Cas said, trying to push his brother off of him as Gabe put his finger under the elastic again.

 

“This is by far the creepiest thing you’ve done, Gabriel! Trying to get your brother naked on camera isn’t normal!” Cas explain, exasperated by his brother.

 

“Just for your boyfriend!” Gabe winked, looking back at the screen where Dean was.  “Whaddya think, Dean-o?  Should I pull and run?”

 

“I ain’t gettin’ involved.” Dean said, raising his hands up in defense. A blonde came up behind him, “Dude, are you watching gay porn in the middle of the living room?”

 

“What? No! That’s Cas and his brother, apparently Gabe is trying to get Cas naked for my benefit.” Dean said, trying to suppress a smile.

 

“Still kind of like porny if you ask me,” She said, resting her chin on Dean’s head.

 

“If Jess thinks it’s porn then that means you need to GET. OFF.” Cas forced his brother off, crossing his arms over his bare chest as Gabe rolled his eyes.

 

“Sweetheart, you need glasses. The names Jo.” She said, voice dripping with sarcasm, ignoring the chaos going on, on the other side of the screen.

 

“Yeah, I was thinking about getting your eyes checked out tomorrow, Cassy.  Now I just have a confirming reason.” Gabe said, glaring a little at Cas still.  It was news to Cas that he needed glasses.

 

“You what?” Cas’ day was just getting better and better for him.

 

“You’re blind as a bat, Cassy, haven’t you noticed you squint constantly?” Gabe asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

“I do?” Cas asked, honestly questioning that.

 

“You kinda do, angel.” Dean offered.  “Which makes it even more amazing that you drew like you did.”

 

“He showed you a drawing? Holy crap.” Gabriel said, looking first at Dean, then Cas. “You don’t show me anything, you little shit. I see the favoritism, goodbye cruel world!” Gabe sighed, dropping himself onto the couch, pretending to be dead.

 

“It was one drawing, Gabriel.  Grow up.” Cas rolled his eyes, shoving him over to sit on the couch.

 

“You sure picked a toned one, dude.” Jo mentioned to Dean, slapping his arm. “Stop taking screenshots, jeez! You have more than enough to be creepy now.” Dean’s face grew deep red with embarrassment.

 

“Jo, that’s the kind of thing you don’t friggin say out loud!” Dean said, pressing his hand into her face in rebuttal.

 

Cas’ face turned red next, watching Jo leave the frame. “I don’t know about you but this is a very interesting Thanksgiving.” He laughed nervously.

 

“Oh, definitely. My wake up call was Ellen yelling that if I don’t come down and help her she’d sell my soul for me. Then Jo decided that this year is a full out prank war, she dyed most of my white clothes pink. Sam’s walking around with one shaved sideburn. So far, Jess is unscathed.” Dean laughed, scratching his face. His stubble had grown into more of a slight beard, seeing as he hadn’t gotten around to getting a new razor, though Jess was refusing any physical contact, saying it was far from attractive and just plain scratchy.

 

“That should be an interesting event,” Cas laughed.  “So far it’s just been waking up to a rubber turkey being thrown at my head and my underwear being stolen by Gabe as well as being forced to get my eyes checked tomorrow apparently.”

 

“When are you guys venturing into the real world for the family get together? I’m assuming you don’t live far from home, otherwise you probably would already be on the road.” Dean said as people walked around behind him, making conversation, occasionally messing with Dean’s head or making antlers or devil horns behind him.

 

“It’s half of an hour South from us, so we won’t be getting on the road for a few hours.” Cas said, smiling a little at the single-sideburned Sam making a kissy face behind Dean. “It’s a dinner with our brother, Michael, and father.”

 

“D’ya get along with them or is it going to be one of those awful family dinners where someone ends up crying?” Dean questioned, as Jess scolded Sam, pulling him away.

 

“This and Christmas are the only times I allow a little alcohol for this one,” Gabe says, facing his head away from the couch and pointing at Cas. “It’s usually him who ends up crying by the end.”

 

Cas jabbed his elbow into Gabe’s leg getting an “ow” muttered out of him. “I do not get along with my family aside from Gabe, as you might know how that feels.” Cas sighs. “And yes, it usually is me.”

 

“No shame, no shame. I spent those ten days crying into Jess’ lap, it wasn’t pretty.” Dean shrugged, Jo came up behind him and slapped both cheeks a little harder than necessary, “Jesus H. Christ, woman! What is it with you and violence!”

 

“Dean Winchester, you broke my ankle in high school.” Jo scolded, elbows resting on both of Dean’s shoulders so that she was in view.

 

“It was an accident and you know that!” Dean defended, Gabe visually perked up, “Is it story time or what?”

 

“I think so, Dean-o.” Gabe sang answering his own question, laughing to himself about how it rhymed.

 

“I would like to put a shirt on while you do so,” Cas mentioned, attempting to stand up.

 

“Stay that way as long as you’d like, I’m fine with it, angel.” Dean winked, trying to ignore Jo’s nudging.

 

“We were playing hockey with a basketball, I tripped her, then her foot went through the ice. Alright?” Dean said, sounding annoyed.

 

“There we go, ankle-breaker.” Jo said happily, petting Dean’s head before walking away, blonde hair bouncing as she walked.

 

“Stay away from basketballs and ice with this one, Cassy.” Gabe threatened.  “We don’t need no ankle-breaker to be a heart-breaker, too.”

 

“Shut up, Gabe.” Cas said, feeling a breeze make the water on his body even colder.  He shivered, grabbing the blanket that was laying over the back of the couch and wrapping it around him.

 

Jess’ face popped up, “Having a good Thanksgiving, sweetie?” She asked with a smile, flour on her cheek.

 

“My brother was threatening to show my naked body to Dean and I’ll have to get glasses and it’s not even past noon, but it’s okay.” Cas smiled as nonchalantly as possible, Jess’ eyes opening wide in shock.

 

Dean licked his thumb and wiped the flour off Jess, “I was a witness, and believe me, the view wasn’t bad at all.” Dean chuckled.

 

“I got a glimpse, if I didn’t love Sam, you’d be my next pick.” She winked.

 

“What about me, huh?” Dean protested.

 

“Friend zoned. Hard as hell friend zoned.” She said as serious as possible before laughing, she raked her fingers through his hair, making it stick up in weird directions. “Have fun with your nakedness, and have a good holiday, you two!” Jess said before departing behind Dean beyond view.

 

“I don’t know how many people would cheer on a couple’s nakedness,” Cas laughed nervously, hiding more of his body with the blanket.

 

“One sec, Ellen’s calling me. Wait, couple? Like offi--Ellen I’m coming, Jesus fuck! Someone come talk to these two, the holiday witch is calling!” Dean shouted, putting the laptop on the couch, walking away. A minute later, two familiar faces came into view. Jo and Jess.

 

“Well hey there, beautiful ladies,” Gabe smiled, sending them both a wink and smile.

 

“Lesbian,” Jo lied at the same time Jess said, “Taken.”

 

“Hello Jess, Jo,” Cas smiled, laughing a little at their instant replies to his brother.

 

“Hey, again, you two.” Jess smiled sweetly, Sam walked past, quickly pressing a kiss to the top of her head, then completely messing up Jo’s hair.

 

“Do you wanna lose the other sideburn, Winchester?!” Jo shouted, swatting him away.

 

“Oh, feisty, me like.” Gabriel purred, earning himself an eyeroll.

 

“I might as well shave it off myself,” Jess muttered quiet enough so Sam couldn’t hear her.

 

“I heard you haven’t been touched in Jo’s pranks, Jess.” Cas mentioned, changing the subject. “I have a feeling that there’s an alliance going on there.”

 

“Of course there is, sweetie.” Jess smirked.

 

“We told Dean that if he plays some Taylor Swift he’d be immune, no luck so far.” Jo said, sounding utterly disappointed. “It’s not like he doesn’t know that one song that he sang at the hospital fundraiser, the cancer one.” Jo said.

 

Gabe perked up when hearing about that.  “Well isn’t that interesting.  Might I ask what songs?”

 

“That one.. I’m Only Me When I’m With You. He made it more rock version though, it worked pretty well. Kids freaking loved it. Some cougars tried to paw at him,” Jess laughed, throwing her head back.

 

“Well they better watch out now.  I’ll send pretty boy after them.” Gabe said, nudging Cas’ arm.  “Ain’t no one messin’ with his boyfriend.”

 

“I believe sending Sam would have a greater impact,” Cas mentions quietly, ignoring being called Dean’s boyfriend...again.

 

“So you guys _are_ official!” Jess exclaimed happily, then there was a crash in the background.

 

“You guys alright?” Jo called out, turning around.

 

“Collision on aisle nine!” Dean yelled back, “Yeah we’re alright, except Sam’s a fucking klutz.” A few moments later, Dean walked past, now shirtless.

 

“Why the hell are you shirtless, boy!?” An unfamiliar face yelled.

 

“I uh, I…” Cas turned red, unsure of who he was and what to say if he was talking to him or not. He only wrapped the blanket around him even tighter. “You should blame my brother for that...”

 

“God dammit Jo where are my fucking clothes!”

 

“How do you put up with him?” Jo asked, waving her hand.

 

“Then get some damn clothes on me before you talk to me, boy.” The unfamiliar face yelled before walking across the background with a beer in hand.

 

“Jo, dammit, this ends now. I’ll play you the fucking Taylor Swift if you give me my clothes back! Bobby will have my head if I don’t get dressed as of five seconds ago!” Dean shouted, coming back in, shirtless and beat red in the face.

 

Well this is Christmas for the both of ya!” Gabe laughed, throwing his head back.  “Or Thanksgiving is more like it!”

 

“First shirtless moment together, aw.” Jo teased, laughing maniacally. Cas turned beat red as well, wanting to hide himself completely from everyone.

 

“They’re out in that junker down the road, have fun!” Jo laughed even harder as Dean stormed away, shouting curse words along the way.

 

“I would like to get my clothes on as well, actually.” Cas excused himself, going to his room to get some kind of clothes on.

 

He goes to his closet, ignoring the thoughts flooding in reminding him of the almost naked figure of Dean in his bedroom as he tried to get dressed.  Cas shook those thoughts away, putting on a pair of worn out blue jeans and a red The Flash shirt before returning back out to the couch. The screen was filled with people, some he recognized, some he didn’t.

 

“I need more blackmail, like, badly. You’re family, please spill.” Gabriel begged, going into a dramatic prayer position. Sam rolled his eyes, intertwining his fingers with Jess’, while Jo was now holding Dean’s guitar, the unfamiliar man was on the couch yelling at the TV about football, one man was pacing behind them all with a bottle of whiskey.

 

“Gabe, I doubt they’re going to give you much blackmail if they have the slightest of ideas of how deviously evil you are with the slightest bit.” Cas sighed, returning next to him on the couch.  “Besides, they should only give me some if either of us, not you.”

 

A women came up behind them, looking at the screen, “Which one’s Cas?”

 

“That would be me,” Cas smiled. “May I ask who you are?”

 

“Well aren’t you polite. I’m Ellen.” She said, giving him a smile.

 

“Hello, Ellen.  This is also my brother, Gabe, also.” Cas beamed, Gabe giving a small wave to her.

 

“Yello’” Gabe smiled, “Aren’t you the one that raised them or somethin’? I remember something like that. Praise and all that.” Gabe mentioned as an after thought.

 

“Well I’ll be damned, the boy can be a sweetheart after all,” She joked before walking back, presumably towards the kitchen.

 

“Doctor badass is in!” Someone yelled, “And Garth!” They added as an after thought.

 

“Ash! Get your ass over here!” Jo yelled, signaling him to come over to the computer where everyone sat. “We got Dean’s boyfriend on here!”

 

“Shoot, he’s real?” A guy with a mullet appeared from the side, looking at Cas. “Which one is he?”

 

“Dean mentioned the eyes, so it’s the one in the red.” another man showed up, who presumably had to be Garth.  “Howdy!”

 

“Hello,” Cas said politely while Gabe took a whole different approach, “Jesus Christ, this family keeps getting bigger and bigger.”

 

“We’re not all blood if that helps the picture,” Jo added.  The ones who were paying attention nodded. “Ellen’s my mom, Bobby’s my step dad. Ash and Garth are waywards, Sam, Dean, and John are all related, and Jess here is the girlfriend. Adam and his mom will be here in an hour or so.” She explained, pointing at who’s who to be clear.

 

“I’m just the youngest brother with Gabe the second oldest, an older brother, and younger sister.” Cas added, not nearly as much to mention as Jo did.

 

“Are they all as cute as you?” Jo teased, plucking at random strings on the guitar, with no particular tune in mind.

 

“Cassy’s the gorgeous one, while I’m stunning of course, but our sis is pretty adorable. If anyone touches her I’ll hurt them.” Gabe threatened. Cas only turned a little more red and looked away.

 

The door opened to the right, and Dean walked back in. “It’s fucking freezing, Jo, you dick.” He complained, stopping when John caught sight of him. “Hello, sir.” Dean said, body stiffening.

 

“Shit,” Sam said under his breath. Jess clenched his hand tighter, waiting to see what John was going to do. Everyone seemed to freeze, waiting on baited breath.

 

“What’re you doin’ here.” He slurred, the words seeming more like a statement than a question, pointing a lazy finger right at Dean.

 

“It’s Thanksgiving..” Dean said, his voice wary.

 

“Thanksgivin’s for family.” John said, his voice blunt and unforgiving.

 

“I--”

 

“No, get the--”

 

“Dad, stop it! You’re fucking drunk and it’s barely noon! Dean’s your son, no matter what you say. You have this warped idea that what happened is his fault, he was four! You’re just a homophobe, so just stop this!” Sam yelled, now standing, walking between John and Dean.

 

“Get this fag out of my face,” John slurred, glaring at Dean before walking away with the empty whiskey bottle in hand.

 

Everyone around them took a sharp inhale, watching Dean’s reaction. He only stood without moving. John left the area, going who knew where. Jess ran up to Dean, just to be shoved out of the way as he ran. No one bothered to go after him. Cas only looked in horror at the screen as he sat next to Gabe, almost feeling like it was his fault.

 

“You okay, Jess?” Sam asked softly, putting a hand on her shoulder.

 

“Yeah, of course, he barely pushed me.” She said, smiling sadly. “Should I try and find him?” She asked, her voice grew softer with every word.

 

“It’s freezing out there, sweetheart.” Ellen said quietly. “Either you’ll need a jacket or he’ll be smart enough to come back in soon this time.”

 

“This time?” Gabe asked cautiously.

 

“Where’s his jacket? I’ll find him. Not going to let him be alone.” Jess said, walking away, Sam following her.

 

“I’m not letting you go out there alone, Jess.” Sam protested. “I’m going with you.”

 

“Babe, no offense, but he won’t talk with you there. You know how he is,” She smiled, her face devoid of happiness. She left, and Sam didn’t protest, knowing she was right.

 

“How long should we give her to look?” Garth asked, looking more towards Sam.

 

“Only an hour.” Sam sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I’ll call her if she’s not back by then.”

 

“What do you guys mean last time?” Gabe reiterated, his voice filled with concern rather than his usual snark or sarcasm.

 

“His birthday, last January. He got hypothermia sitting in the snow for a few hours,” Sam sighed, “We couldn’t find him, not even Jess. He’d gone out in the woods, knowing we wouldn’t look out there. He had to go to the ER, it hadn’t gone over well.” Sam frowned. Ellen ran a hand up and down his back reassuringly.

 

“Don’t ya think we have probably the easiest way of finding him now?” The unfamiliar face perked up, most likely Bobby by who was left, gesturing to the screen. “We got his boyfriend right there like you guys’ve mentioned.”

 

“It’s not like I don’t have his phone number,” Cas said, frowning.

 

“Boy, don’t you think that if we gave it to ya he’d answer?” Bobby rolled his eyes.

 

“I don’t know, honestly. Maybe?” Cas frowned, completely unsure. Dean was a force of nature when upset.

 

“I think it’d be worth the shot, honestly. No doubt he’d probably pick up the phone for him.” Jo added.

 

“I’d be willing to try, but wouldn’t it just come up as an unknown number?” Cas said, wishing he’d exchanged numbers with Dean a long time ago. Then he’d for sure be able to help.

 

“The boy should remember the Sioux Falls area code from back when I lived there,” Bobby mentioned. “If he’s got the slightest of brains he should pick up thinking it’s one of you.”

 

Jo picked up the computer and typed in Dean’s number and sent it, before putting it back down. Cas copied the number down into his phone and pressed call, his breathing was fast, nervous, and scared. He didn’t want Dean to get hurt.

 

“Let’s hope he picks up,” Cas tried to laugh nervously, but he couldn’t manage it.  The sound of the other line picking up clicked. “Dean?”

 

The flood of slight relief from everyone on the screen was apparent, “Cas?” His voice was scratchy and pained.

 

“Yeah, it’s me. Are you okay? Where are you?” He asked, highly doubting he was alright, but he could always hope.

 

“‘M fine, don’t worry ‘bout me. Tell everyone to not worry, I’ll be back later or something.” Cas frowned, making everyone nervous again.

 

“Dean, you don’t sound alright. You weren’t wearing a jacket when you left, and Jess went out looking for you. I saw what happened, just talk to me.  Please.” Cas frowned, holding himself with his free arm.

 

“Someone call ‘er and tell her to go back, I’m fine, really. I don’t want her out here, it’s ass cold. It’s Thanksgiving, she should be there.” Dean said, trying to make himself sound confident and alright. Cas could see right through it, though.

 

“So should you, Dean. It’s ass cold and that’s why you should be there, too.” Cas basically pleaded to him, mouthing ‘Jess’ with the hand gesture of a phone with his other hand. Sam instantly grabbed his phone out of his pocket and called her up.

 

“Cas, you saw it, I’m not wanted there,” Dean laughed, completely devoid of any sense of humor, “I can handle the cold, I just need to be away from there for a while, okay? I’ll probably get a motel room tonight, I don’t want it to go down like last year.”

 

Cas stood up, leaving to his bedroom so he didn’t feel as awkward talking to him in front of the whole family of his. “Dean Winchester that was one person. One person out of your whole family that I met in there. You’re letting one man affect you while you have all of that love around you. They’re the ones you need to be around, not that old drunk. I’m not there and I want you to be there so badly even if I don’t get to see you unless it’s through a computer screen. You just need to be away from him, not everyone else that you’re making worried sick.”

 

Dean’s breathing hitched, before he breathed, choking back his emotions, “I’m sorry, Cas.” There was a click before the line went dead.

 

“Dean!” Cas yelled. He instantly tried to call him back, getting his voicemail box after two rings. He was purposely ignoring him now. Tears started forming in his eyes as he ran back out to Gabe.

 

“Cassy?” Gabe stood up, pulling Cas into a hug. “What’s wrong?”

 

“He hung up on me saying he was sorry and won’t answer, Gabe.” Cas was full out bawling into his brother’s chest. ”Stupid asshole!” Cas yelled, hitting his fists against him, not with much force, but with enough emotion behind them that it was worrying.

 

Jess walked back into the house, where everyone was panicking. “God what’s wrong?” She asked, her voice cracking.

 

“He talked to Cas for a minute, but then he said he was sorry and hung up. He won’t answer now, we need to go back out. Everyone, now. Ellen, stay here incase he decides to come back.” Sam barked, pulling Jess back out the door, grabbing both of the jackets on the way out.

 

“Sorry guys, we’ve gotta go. We’ll keep you updated. Have a good Thanksgiving.” Jo said sympathetically, ending the call. Cas couldn’t help but wonder how he was supposed to have a good Thanksgiving with this looming over his head.

 

“Hey, Cassy, just calm down. They’ll find him. Let’s just go home, it’ll be a distraction, alright? We can listen to awful show tunes on the way, and get fast food because God knows Dad will burn that sucker of a bird through and through.” Gabe said reassuringly. Cas shook his head, tears still streaming down his face.

 

“I don’t want to be distracted.” He mumbled, sniffling into Gabe’s chest. “I want to make sure Dean’s okay. He has to be okay.”

 

“It’ll be fine, Cassy.” Gabe hushed him, rubbing his back. “Everything’ll be okay, they’ll find him, he’ll be warm, and they’ll have their Thanksgiving.” Trying to sound as sure as he could manage, trying to be strong for his brother. Even though he hasn’t talked to Dean nearly as much as his younger brother, he still cared, because Cas cared.

 

Gabe comforted his brother until it was time to get dressed so they could get there on time if they wanted to stop for food.  They both got dressed in suits, Cas wearing his trenchcoat and Gabe in an overcoat. They stopped at McDonalds, but Cas’ mind was elsewhere and couldn't eat. Gabe could only manage to eat a few bites of a burger before they got to their house.

 

Their father greeted them at the door with a smile, bringing them both into a hug, not noticing how upset both his boys were. Michael greeted Gabe, but didn’t give Cas the time of day.

 

“Dinner’s almost ready, feel free to get yourself a drink, get comfortable.” He smiled, wandering into the living room where the football game was playing.

 

“C’mon, Cassy,” Gabe said quietly, leading him to the couch. Cas checked his phone to see if he had gotten any calls or messages.

 

“So, Gabriel, how’s the college life?” Michael asked. He was older than him by three years, so he graduated from Law School last year.

 

“It’s fine.” He mumbled, picking at a rip in his pants, never meeting Michael’s gaze.

 

“I remember my third year,” Michael went on, moving his finger along the rim of his wine glass. “It was a very good year I have to say so.”

 

He went on about something that neither of his brothers cared about, so Gabe simply tuned him out. Cas had tuned him out the moment they got there, aware of the lack of even noticing that he was there from his eldest brother. Gabe was well aware of how he was treating Cas, it was how he always did. It was the thing he hated most about their family.

 

“Michael, honest to _fucking_ God I couldn’t care less.” Gabriel snapped, rolling his eyes. Everyone looked to him, wide eyed, even Cas.

 

“Gabriel! Don’t speak to me like that!” Michael said, offended.

 

“Then don’t make me have to speak to you like that then.” Gabe said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

 

“Gabriel, what’s gotten into you? Has college warped you that much? You’ve always been.. strange, but you never were like this!” Michael practically snarled, his face twisting into a disgusting scowl.

 

“What’s gotten into me is that you’re being an asshole like you have for the past 25 years of my life.” Gabe barked. “You haven’t even acknowledged our brother who’s probably having the worst day of his life and you can’t even say ‘hello.’”

 

“Because he isn’t worth any of our time, Gabriel.” Michael said cooly, his voice like ice.

 

“Just because he has a boyfriend means that he’s unworthy of one simple word?” Gabe stood up, practically about to attack his older brother. “You can’t even treat him like a human because of one life choice?”

 

“I highly doubt he has a boyfriend,” Michael laughed, “I suggest you sit down, Gabriel, or I will make you.”

 

“Enough!” Cas stood up, about to punch both of them. “It’s none of your information to if I have a boyfriend or not, and that shouldn’t matter, Michael.” Gabe’s reaction calmed while Michael only turned more bitter. “For your information, I do, and you have no right to even mention him.”

 

“Castiel, I personally couldn’t care less about your imaginary boyfriend that you’ve concocted to make yourself feel better, I’m surprised you’ve got Gabriel believing it, though.” Michael smiled, relaxing into the armchair.

 

“You think that I would fucking lie about having someone who makes me happy?” Cas glared at Michael, making Gabe back up slightly. “Just because you have the lowest of low opinions about me, Michael, does not mean you can make up such facts about my personal life.”

 

“You’re nothing but a filthy, lying, _queer_ , Castiel.” Michael smirked, smoothing out his shirt as if he’d asked how his brother’s day was and if he wanted a drink.

 

Cas wanted to punch him straight in the face and tell him how wrong he was. He used the one word that always got to him; not gay, fag, or faggot, but queer. He knew just how irritated he’d be from the word that ruined his life at so many opportunities. It was the reason he had to go to Razorback instead of a top of the line college and so many possible scholarships.

 

“Call me that again.” Castiel glared with such threat that he could see the spark of fear in Michael’s eyes. “I. Dare. You.”

 

“ _Queer_.” Michael laughed, staring down his youngest brother.

 

Cas didn’t go full out crazy like he wanted to right away. He threw a punch straight to the nose, holding his brother by the neck of his shirt. Gabe didn’t even budge to try and get him off of Michael. Just punch after punch until he saw the broken nose and busted lip.

 

“His name is Dean.” Cas panted. “Dean Winchester. He’s from Lawrence, Kansas. I met him on YouTube. He’s currently missing and threatening hypothermia. Again. It is driving me crazy that he won’t answer me because he’s fucking hiding because his dad called him a fag just like you right now, and I love him.”

 

“Cassy, let’s just go.” Gabe said, pulling Cas by the sleeve, Cas didn’t stop him. Only followed him out the door, swearing that he’s never going back there again.

 

* * *

 

 

A week. A whole week Dean had been missing and completely off the radar. Sam and Jess had filed a missing person’s report in the city but the police had mostly given up since it was past 72 hours. Cas was a complete wreck by the Thursday after. He couldn’t handle not knowing if he was safe by now.

 

“Where are your glasses, mister?” Gabe asked when Cas finally came out of his room for the first time all day since his last class.  It was 9 right now and he hadn’t done any work for tomorrow’s classes.

 

“On my nightstand, Gabe.” Cas mumbled as he went for the fridge. His glasses came in from his order that Gabe made him get anyways on Friday. Cas actually admitted how much more helpful they seemed to be, but it didn’t raise his mood.

 

Cas shut the fridge, leaning against it before sliding to the floor, openly sobbing for what felt like the hundredth time since the week before. He couldn’t focus, or hardly breathe. Jess called multiple times a day, always saying the same thing. She was just as upset as Cas. Sam was practically catatonic, Charlie didn’t even want to admit to herself that he was missing; just that he was off on some adventure somewhere. Everyone knew he wasn’t.

 

Gabe was probably the one who was in the closest amount of pain as Cas’ level was, since he had to see his brother be the one in tears every part of the day. He had even gone back to not eating, which worried Gabe the most. He’s had to take Cas to the hospital for not eating in the past and certainly didn’t want to anytime soon. One of his main concerns was that he might have to.

 

Furious with the whole situation, Gabe slammed the textbook on his lap shut, walking over furiously to Cas. “Pack a bag, baby bro.”

 

“Why?” Cas croaked, looking up at his brother, his expression practically unreadable.

 

“Because.” Gabe smirked. “We’re going to go find your boyfriend.”

 

By the time they both had bags packed, Jess had answered the phone, happy to give them the address to Ellen’s house where they’d all been camped out while trying to find Dean. Everyone else had already gone to bed, tired from searching for hours, constantly running on empty. It was too cold to search much past eight, which scared them the most. Jess was too sick with worry to think about sleeping, she’d eventually pass out by one at night, and be the first awake, followed by Sam.

 

Cas was still imagining that the whole thing was a dream until they stopped at a gas station near the border of Kansas in Nebraska with less than an hour’s drive left ahead of them when he saw a page with Dean’s portrait labeled “MISSING” in bold font in the window, with his name, describing his features, where he was last seen, and who to call with information. At that point, reality hit him like a freight train. He resisted the urge to take it down and rip it to shreds. Gabe simply pulled him away, saying that it’ll be okay soon.

 

The rest of the ride, Cas couldn’t manage to say a word, which left Gabe filling all the silence with his own nervous chatter. But driving down the road to the Singer-Harvelle home felt surreal. The houses and yards they passed were the typical homes, but the house with the right address was a little more eccentric. It was about three in the morning when they knocked on the door, both looking disheveled and exhausted. Jess nearly instantaneously opened the door, looking wide eyed and happy to see them and not like it was three in the morning. “I’m so glad you’re here.” was all she could manage, pulling Cas into a hug, which he returned without a thought.

 

Jess was as sweet and inviting as he imagined from watching her with Dean, and it was still surreal for Cas to think that he was here now, standing in the middle of Lawrence, with his arms wrapped tightly around her waist. “I’m so glad to meet you.” He said back, resting his head on her shoulder.

 

“How about some love for the driver?” Gabe perked up. Jess gave a light hug and small smile to him, standing back to see that the two were actually here.

 

“Come inside, I’ll get you guys some water.” She smiled, pulling Cas in by the wrist, leading him to the kitchen. She switched on the light, trying her best to stay upbeat.

 

“Jess, what are you still doing up..Holy _fuck_.” Sam said, standing in the doorway, eyes meeting Cas’.

 

“Guess who I called in, babe.” Jess chimed, absolutely beaming. For the first time in days, it felt like they had a fighting chance.

 

Sam was quick to pull Cas into a hug, not lasting nearly as long as Jess’ but just as strong.

 

“Damn you’re tall.” Gabe commented as they pulled apart.

 

“I probably could of offered that as a warning, huh?” Jess laughed, handing a glass of water to the two and standing next to Sam.

 

“Doesn’t matter,” Sam said, looking them both up and down. “I can’t believe you’re here. If Dean were here, he’d be bouncing around..” Sam said, trailing off.

 

“Well that’s what we’re here for,” Cas weakly smiled, fixing his glasses a little. “To help find him.”

 

“You should’ve seen this one,” Gabe joked. “The only way to help was to haul our asses down here as soon as we could.”

 

“We’re glad you’re here, and when everyone else wakes up, they’ll be ecstatic. I’m sure you’re both exhausted, we don’t have any more beds or couches, but some of us are sleeping on the floor in the living room, I’ll get you both blankets and pillows.” Jess smiled, squeezing Cas’ hand before leaving the room.

 

“She’s right, get some sleep. There’s nothing we can do at this time, and you look like walking coma patients.” Sam offered weakly. Soon, they were set up on the floor with Sam, Jess, and Ash. No matter how hard Cas fought sleep, it found him quickly.

 

By the time Cas woke up, Gabe was up, and so was everyone else. He was the last to get up when it was barely 10 am. Jo sat on the floor near his feet, waiting for him to get up it seemed.

 

“He’s awake!” Jo shouted, standing up.

 

“I am, yes.” Cas rubbed his eyes, putting on his glasses, and standing up as well. He looked around for Gabriel, who was sitting at the table with Ash and Bobby.

 

“Glad you’re here,” Jo said as other people filed into the room, “We really need the help.”

 

“Of course, there is nowhere I’d rather be.” Cas said honestly, standing up from the floor. Ellen didn’t bother saying hello, just pulled him into a hug and thanked him for coming. Most everyone else did the same, all seeming on different levels of hysterical.

 

“Boy,” Bobby came up to him, putting his hands on Cas’ shoulders with a sad smile. “I have a good feeling about you. Both to be good to my son and to find him.”

 

“Thank you, sir.” Cas smiled as Bobby had to walk away before he broke down into any tears. He could see where Dean might of picked up the skill.

 

“Come on, we’ll get some food in you, then we can start looking again.” Jess smiled, trying to ignore the tears streaming down her face. It was a daily occurrence, wake up with tears, but optimism, only to be torn away by nightfall. Sam wrapped his arms around her protectively as she pushed food into Cas, not wanting him to run on empty, because it was going to be a long time, and he most likely wouldn’t be eating for quite some time.

 

Ash pulled out a map that was heavily marked with different colored markers, circled areas, and X’s on it. “So here’s our checked areas from around the surrounding areas. Circled are our suspected, crossed out are confirmed that we haven’t seen him there. Yet.” He showed everyone where the new places to look are, overlapping some areas they looked in yesterday.

 

“One of our last highly suspected areas goes to the boyfriend and Jess.” Ash said, circling a house. “This is the old Winchester plot, and we feel like he might be in the forest behind it again like he was in January. We just haven’t been able to find him in there, yet.”

 

Cas nodded, Jess was at his side immediately. “We’ll find him.” She whispered so that only he heard.

 

Everyone else was paired up, Gabe and Sam, Ash and Garth, Ellen and Bobby, then Jo on her own as she insisted. They all were assigned their areas to look, and they dispersed what they were going to take with them. A set of Dean’s medication, an extra blanket, a flashlight, and a few granola bars. Once everyone got what they needed and had their coats and hats on, they all set out to look.

 

Jess was pulling him along, not caring about the fact that the home was occupied and they were tromping through their backyard. It earned them a strange look from one of the back windows.

 

“God, tell me it’ll be okay. Just tell me he’ll be okay.” Jess begged, stopping five minutes into the forest, tears streaking down her face again.

 

Castiel wrapped her in a tight hug, the large blanket in her hands between them. “It’ll be okay, Jess. Don’t worry. Dean’s got the army skills, he’ll be perfectly fine.” Tears of his own threatened at his eyes. “Don’t you make me cry, too. Then we’ll never get this search done.”

 

Jess weakly laughed, holding onto Cas with one arm. “Are we an emotional wreck or what?”

 

Cas offered a weak laugh of his own, “I’d say so, now let’s keep looking, alright?” Jess nodded, not letting go of Cas’ arm.

 

They followed a vague trail that they could make out and that Jess could remember being told about by Sam. They came to a fork in the road that went left and right.

 

“I think we could split up,” Cas offered, looking down both paths. They were exactly the same almost in likeness.

 

“Okay, call me in twenty minutes, I don’t want to lose his boyfriend out here.” She said, her laugh was forced. It still made Cas blush, but this time he welcomed the warmth in his cheeks because of the temperature.

 

“I’ll call you then.” He smiled weakly, kissing her forehead. “Don’t get lost.”

 

“I won’t,” She reassured, squeezing his arm before letting go and parting ways. Cas followed the vague trail on the left for a good twenty minutes before finding something slightly promising. A tree house high up in a tree, looking like it was about to fall apart, obviously long abandoned ago. Possibly even by the Winchesters.

 

Just then he got a call from Jess on cue, so he answered. “Any luck?”

 

“Maybe, I found a treehouse, I’m about to go up. You?”

 

“Nothing so far. But you found their old tree house!” She said, a spark of hope in her voice. “Say another twenty minutes for an update?”

 

“Of course, speak soon.” He smiled, her hope gave him the slightest bit of his own, as he ended the call.

 

Looking up to the curtain covering the opening of the treehouse, Cas started the difficult task of maneuvering branches to get up there. The tree was tall and slim, but had branches everywhere. He could see why they chose this tree as a good way to support the room built in it. He wished that he had brought another pair of gloves because of the numb feeling in his fingers by the time he reached the top of the ladder.

 

Cas pulled back the curtain, to see Dean. “Oh my god.” He gasped, scrambling over to the shivering figure.

 

“You, are not real.” Was all he mumbled turning away. “I’ve finally lost it, great.” He said, sounding defeated, throwing up his hands. Cas quickly shrugged off his coat and every layer he could spare and wrapped Dean up in them.

 

“I’m real, you stubborn asshole.” Cas sobbed, pulling out his phone. Jess picked up nearly immediately.

 

“I found him.” He said, letting out another sob.

 

“Oh my God!” She screamed into the phone. Cas could hear her start to sob as well. “I’ll be there as soon as I can!”

 

Cas set the phone down, holding Dean’s head in his hands. He was so cold, and his lips were almost a slight blue. “Dean,”

 

“Hmm?” He mumbled, eyes barely open, looking utterly exhausted.

 

“Never do this to us again, promise me. Just promise me.” He cried, pulling Dean in tight, not letting there be an inch of space, but even that didn’t feel close enough.

 

Dean nodded before closing his eyes, resting against Cas’ shoulder. Tears still streamed down his face as he pulled out a granola bar from one of the jackets, trying to get Dean to eat it. “You need to eat something.” Dean obliged, barely thinking.

 

“What were you even thinking?” Cas mumbled against Dean’s hair, trying to warm him up as best he could.

 

Dean mumbled that sounded like “angel” but he wasn’t answering to Cas. He only wrapped himself as tight as he could around him under the coats. It made Cas start to cry again as he reached for his phone. He had to get someone out here to help him.

 

On first instinct, he called Sam, who answered after a few rings.

 

“Yeah, Cas?” His voice was desperate.

 

“I found him, Jess is coming, we had to split up. But we need someone out here, now. He’s so out of it.” Cas said, not even bothering to hide the fact that he was crying. “I don’t know if he’ll make it, Sam.”

 

“Cas, where are you?” Sam asked urgently, starting to worry more than he was. “I’ll call 911 to get down there if I have to.”

 

“Your old treehouse, when Jess gets here we’ll get him out of the forest but I just don’t know.” He whispered, not wanting to admit to himself that this could be it. Who survives after a week in freezing weather, living off nothing?

 

“Cas, don’t worry, okay?” Sam tried to offer, but it didn’t convince either of them. “I’ll call an ambulance, there’s a clearing not far from there if they need to land a helicopter or something. Just keep him alive, okay?”

 

“Okay.” Was all he could manage.

 

“I’m down here!” Jess shouted, she must have ran like she was running for her life.

 

“Come on, Dean. We’ve got to get up.” Cas said softly, but Dean didn’t move.

 

“Tired, Cas. Just wanna sleep.” He mumbled, leaning into Cas’ chest.

 

“No, you can’t sleep. Not yet.” Cas pleaded, trying to get him up. “We’ll get you someplace nice and warm and you can sleep and get all better, but you have to stay awake for me, Dean.” Dean was bigger than Cas, which made the task seem even harder to him.

 

Dean just nodded, giving into Cas. He was practically limp in his arms, he didn’t know how he was going to make this work. “Jess I need help!” Cas shouted, Dean’s arm slung over his shoulder to keep him standing.

 

“It’ll be too hard, Cas!” Jess yelled back, looking up above the treeline. “Could you call for someone to help?”

 

“Sam called 911, but we barely found this place, Jess! How are they going to?” His voice was cracking, dripping terror.

 

“Sam can give directions to me driving while he’s not there, he can give them to a paramedic trying to find a treehouse!” Jess yelled back optimistically.

 

“Can you get up here?” Cas pleaded, as Dean kept mumbling, “I’m pretty sure I love you.” before he went completely slack.

 

Jess rushed towards the ladder, tossing the blanket onto the ground before hurrying up the tree. Cas put Dean’s feet over the edge for Jess to grab so they could slowly try going down the length of the tree again.

 

They maneuvered him down branch by branch, using them as support, and it was a miracle when they touched ground. “We need to get him out of the forest.” Cas said quickly, supporting Dean with Jess’ help.

 

Jess nodded, helping him support Dean by walking him back up the trail as quick as they could. Every once and a while Dean would come back through to mumble something then go slack again. It took probably less time getting him back out than it did getting there since they were in a rush, walking him back up in maybe a little over fifteen minutes where an ambulance waited for them with Sam and Gabriel. The paramedics standing with them quickly took Dean from Cas and Jess, strapping him into the gurney. Sam pushed Cas towards the ambulance to ride with them, holding Dean’s hand once he was in there.

 

“Goddammit Dean, what the hell possessed you to do this?” Sam asked quietly as they loaded him into the ambulance, there was no venom behind his words, just utter fear.

 

Dean didn’t answer, seeing how he could barely open his eyes to see Cas looking down at him. Cas still has tears rolling down his cheeks, asking the same thing as Sam over and over in his head. The paramedic riding in the back of the truck kept putting blankets and blankets over Dean as well as an oxygen mask.

 

“Can you tell me what year it is?” The paramedic asked, not really expecting an answer. Quickly taking his temperature, he muttered to himself, “Seventy-eight degrees. Shit.” Hearing that number made Cas’ heart drop faster than anything that had occurred the whole day.

 

“Oh, Dean,” Cas held Dean’s hand up against his cheek, wrapping himself around his arm.

 

They arrived at the hospital within ten minutes, rushing Dean past a point where Cas couldn’t follow, leaving him in a waiting room alone. At this point, all he could do was wait for the doctors, and for his family.

 

Around two hours later everyone had already shown up to wait with Cas, Jess holding his hand the entire time trying to convince him (but more herself) that everything was going to be okay and talk about how lucky they were that he found him when they did. A doctor with a few charts came up to the waiting room and called, “Winchester.”

 

Everyone stood up, Cas at the front of the group with Sam and Jess at his side. “I believe it’s already well known Mr. Winchester did experience severe hypothermia but did not suffer anything exceedingly severe or that will last long term.” A sigh came from the group, with a hopeful Cas of what he might say next. “We would like to schedule a meeting with a psychiatrist in the building and another look at his medications if we need to. We would like one at a time in his room since he is awake, and I believe he called for his ‘angel.’”

 

Cas visibly looked more hopeful, stepping forward to follow the doctor past the doors, Dean’s room was one of the last on the left.

 

Dean was staring out the window when Cas walked in, muttering something to himself. “Hey,” Cas all but whispered, Dean’s head snapped to where Cas was standing.

 

“You’re actually here.” Dean said in complete disbelief.

 

“Surprise I guess,” Cas laughed nervously, walking over to the bed. “Never do that again, Dean.” Cas pleaded, sitting in the chair next to the bed. Dean practically pulled him into the bed, Cas didn’t protest.

 

“Maybe I should if it means I get my angel,” Dean weakly smirked, wrapping as much of himself around Cas, practically crying now.

 

“I’m being serious, Dean.” Cas whispered.

 

“I know you are, Cas.” He croaked, trying to keep the tears from falling. “And I won’t, I promise.”

 

“Why’d you do it in the first place?” Cas asked, pulling Dean closer.

 

“You know after I left? I swear I was going to just take some time for myself, but John..Yeah, he found me first.” Dean admitted, looking up at the ceiling, not wanting to admit it.

 

“It worried us all, Dean.” Cas said. “Gabe was so worried about me that he drove us down here  to look for you. I couldn’t eat because I was so worried,”

 

“I’m sorry, I really am, Cas.” He mumbled into Cas’ chest.

 

“Just _never_ ever do that again. Please.” Cas said, his voice cracking a little.

 

“Never.” He promised.

 

“I think your family will want to see you now, but I can come back in after, okay?”

 

“Don’t leave me, angel.” Dean pleaded, giving as strong of a pout as he could in his condition. “Tell them you’re my partner so they can’t make you leave or somethin’.”

 

Cas couldn’t help but smile, “They were pretty clear it was one at a time, Dean. I’m pretty sure waiting any longer will send Sam and Jess over the edge. Jess was beyond a wreck when I got here. I promise I’ll come back, I really promise.” Cas said, trying to be firm even though he wanted to stay.

 

“Only if you promise you’ll go eat something while you’re gone, okay?” Dean said, squeezing Cas, who nodded.

 

“Promise,” He said, moving to get up.

 

“Wait, there’s one thing I wanna do first,” Dean said, smiling.

 

“What’s that, Dean?” Cas stood, still leaning in close over his bed, smiling back.

 

“This,” He said lazily, pulling Cas down by the collar of his shirt, kissing him slow and carefully.

 

The very red Cas kissed back, holding Dean’s head in his hands for what felt like forever while sparks flew threw his head. Dean released him a few moments later with the biggest grin he’d ever seen plastered on his red face. Cas stood completely straight, unable to stop smiling on his way out, banging into every possible thing in his path to the door while Dean couldn’t stop smiling when he left.

 

When he re-entered the waiting room, everyone looked up to him looking for any confirmation. He nodded, his grin was still wide, “He’s really okay, pretty sure he wants to see either Jess or Sam.” Jess nudged Sam, telling him to go. He smiled and got up, making his way back to Dean’s room. Cas sat where Sam had been previously sitting.

 

“What’s up with you?” Jess asked smiling a little, knowing that something was up with how Cas’ expression was.

 

He looked to her, beaming, “He kissed me.”

 

Jess gasped, squealing, “No way!”

 

Cas nodded in response, “It was really cheesy and honestly.. I don’t know, perfect?”

 

Jess covered her mouth with her hands, smiling out of control. She was freaking out from excitement, more than Cas (and probably Dean) were, throwing her arms around him and yelling, “I’m so happy for you!”

 

Cas didn’t say anything, only hugged her back. He couldn’t believe that things went from 0 to 100 so quickly, but he was more than happy it did.

 

Soon after, Sam showed up with a smile that couldn’t be compared to Cas’. “He’s absolutely fine, and wants to talk to you, Jess.”

 

Jess grinned back at him, practically leaping up from her seat and running down to his room, Sam took her empty spot. “You guys are so cheesy, you know that?” Sam grinned, hands in his pockets, glancing sideways at Cas.

 

“It was all your brother’s idea,” Cas mumbled, turning a dark red when Gabe came up to the seat on the other side of Cas.

 

“How’d it go, Cassy?” He asked, leaning his elbow on the arm of his chair.

 

“Dean’s a cheesy idiot.” He laughed, leaning his head back, genuinely laughing for the first time in what seemed like forever.

 

Gabe smiled, realizing what he meant and by what he saw of his conversation with Jess as well. “My baby bro’s in love with a cheesy idiot,” He cooed.

 

“Yeah, yeah I am.”

 

One by one the rest of the group went to visit Dean, Ellen and Jo being the very last. Most of them left, leaving Cas, Sam, Jess, and Gabe in the waiting room to discuss what was happening while Cas ate the granola bars he had to pack to fulfill his promise to Dean.

 

On her way out, Jo passed Cas, “He’s askin’ for you, lover boy. And don’t think I don’t know what you two did in there.” She laughed, finally leaving. Cas got up, excited energy racing through him like a drug.

 

Cas made it back to the room at the end of the hallway. With his heart beating irregularly fast, he knocked and opened the door. “Dean?”

 

“Well aren’t you a site for sore eyes,” Dean grinned, motioning for him to come back into the bed with him.

 

“Speak for yourself,” Cas beamed back, walking over to the bed to have Dean wrap his arms around him protectively.

 

“Did you know that if you flirt with nurses you can get an extra pudding?” Dean asked, as if it were the most normal thing in the world, Cas couldn’t help but laugh into Dean.

 

“I have to say, I’ve never tried.” He admitted.

 

“Well it works.” Dean said, smiling into Cas’ hair. “Although I bet I’d get a whole 6-pack out of you.”

 

Cas gapes at him, faking offense. “I would never! Gabe, probably, hell last I saw he had four empty ones in front of him.” Cas laughed, “Though, now that I think about it, that’d probably mean he wouldn’t share..”

 

“Shuddup and kiss me,” Dean laughed.

 

Cas lifted his head as quick as he could to meet Dean’s lips again. More sparks flew, as cliche as that sounded, and the giddiness he had from the last time came back. He could feel Dean smile through it, holding onto Dean’s hospital gown collar this time.

 

When Dean pulled back, he just smiled at Cas for a second, “Just have to get a good look, because Gabe said that if we don’t have a quickie, then he’d kill me for putting him through all that emotional stress for just a kiss.” He laughed, Cas could feel the vibrations in his own chest.

 

“If I knew how amazing getting a kiss from you was I would of come down here long before now,” Cas said, laying so his glasses wouldn’t stab either of them too badly.

 

“Oh, so we’re ignoring my imminent death, now are we?” Dean joked, “These are new, they’re a good look on you.” He mentioned, kissing Cas’ forehead.

 

“Only because Gabe wouldn’t actually kill you since I’d kill him next.” Cas hummed. “I think they’re alright, like Gabe mentioned last week, he did make me get them. I got them yesterday, actually.”

 

“I like ‘em.” Dean said simply, just staring at Cas.

 

“Well I like you.” Cas smiled, staring back up at him.

 

“I’d damn well hope so, considering what I told you out in the woods.” Dean chuckled.

 

“You remember that?” Cas asked in a more serious tone.

 

“One of my finer moments, huh?” Dean asked, covering his face with his hand.

 

“Very much so,” Cas answered. “It’s a good think I told my brother practically the same thing when I was defending you last week then,”

 

“Oh thank sweet baby jesus,” Dean laughed.

 

“You know, the amount of times you say things like that is strange, considering I’m ninety nine percent sure you said you’re an atheist.” Cas chuckled.

 

“It makes it less guilt-ridden by the ways I say that if I’m an atheist probably,” Dean shrugged. “But seriously, you really said that too?”

 

“Seriously, while I was flipping shit at my brother. It was a Thanksgiving for the history books.”

 

“Damn straight.”

 

“It’s a good thing you’re worth fighting for,” Cas teased, quietly adding, “and finding.”

 

“It’s cos I’m adorable.” Dean said, flashing a smile. A nurse came into the room, “Do you need anything, Mr. Winchester? I’ve got to do your vitals, now.” She said, her voice sickenly sweet.

 

“Do your worst.” Dean challenged, holding out his arm for the blood pressure cuff. “The damn things I do for pudding.”

 

“What?” Cas asked, laughing.

 

“He’s got it into his head that if he complies he’ll get more pudding.” The nurse explained, shaking her head while wrapping the cuff around his upper arm.

 

“Maybe I’ll just have to bring some pudding with me tomorrow,” Cas mentioned, making Dean’s expression perk up.

 

“Bring chocolate.” He smiled. “All they have is damn vanilla tapioca here.”

 

“If you’re so picky then maybe I’ll stop sliding you pudding, Dean.” The nurse said with a smirk.

 

“Now that is just cruel.” Dean frowned, prompting Cas to kiss him for a moment, only to be stopped by the nurse, “Alright, alright, his heart gets higher when you do that and it messes up my reading.” The nurse warned, smiling.

 

“Maybe I should just wait in the chair while you’re getting your readings,” Cas said, rolling away from Dean’s arms before he could protest. The nurse smiled in thanks while Dean overreacted to Cas leaving him.

 

“What happened to love, Cas!” Dean pouted, making Cas laugh.

 

“This is love!” Cas tried as an excuse. “Having your readings done faster so we’re not interrupted!”

 

“Castiel Novak, you sly dog!” Dean gasped. Cas only smiled, laughing at the way Dean was acting.

 

“Hey, better than an oblivious cat!” He retaliated.

 

“How was making me a cat going to make sense, Cas!” Dean laughed, “I thought you were insane for a second!”

 

“You were the one asking if a cat had my tongue!” Cas said, leaning back into the chair.

 

“That makes sense now.” Dean said, rolling his eyes at him. The nurse took off the cuff before taking his temperature.

 

“It should of made sense when I said ‘tall, toned, green eyed,’ Dean! I mean where do you find a _toned_ cat?” Cas laughed.

 

“Oh hush up, jackass.” Dean said, sticking out his tongue in retaliation.

 

“Hate to rain on your parade, boys, but visiting hours are over. If you don’t fight me on it, I’ll go down to the cafeteria for a chocolate pudding, Dean.” The nurse said, smiling at them both.

 

“That’s a hard bargain, Tessa. My angel or chocolate pudding?” Dean hummed.

 

Cas rolled his eyes, “I’ll be back tomorrow, okay?”

 

“No, don’t leave!” Dean whined, giving a puppy dog face. “No amount of pudding is ever worth you!”

 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m just going to take that as an ‘I love you’ alright?” Cas said, laughing more before kissing him.

 

“Okay ma-aybe I kinda love you,” Dean mumbled against Cas’ lips.

 

“Maybe I kinda love you too, idiot.” Cas muttered, pretting his forehead against Dean’s. “I’ll be back tomorrow, okay?”

 

“Bright ‘n’ early?” Dean questioned with a raised brow.

 

“Bright and early.” He laughed, “Goodbye, Dean.”

  
“Bye Cas.”


	24. Rule Breakers and Heart Breakers

B

right and early at 10 am, an hour after visiting hours started, Cas walked into the KU Medical Center with a backpack of things for the day. Inside the contents including his glasses in the case, and (suggested by Jess) Dean’s phone and laptop chargers, laptop, and video camera. Tessa smiled at Cas as he walked by the receptionist desk and to Dean’s room. Cas lightly knocked, opening the door to see if he was awake yet.

 

“Visiting hours opened when, Castiel?” Dean asked, armed crossed over his chest, his voice teasing.

 

“9 am, Dean.” Cas rolled his eyes, walking over to Dean. He now had a cannula in his nose for oxygen supply. “What’s with the oxygen, Dean?”

 

“My breathing and heartbeat were a little low for them so it’s this and another pill.” Dean shrugged it off, reaching for Cas. “You’re an hour late.” He whined.

 

Cas pecked his lips, smiling. “I love you but I need to get my beauty sleep, Dean. Not everyone can wake up as handsome as you are.” He ran his hand through the bedridden one’s hair.

 

“Now you’re just sucking up,” Dean smiled, pulling him back down for another kiss, lasting much longer than any of the other ones. A lot less careful, more needy. Cas supported himself with his hands on either side of Dean, until the heart rate monitor started to beep again, sending a nurse into the room who rolled their eyes.

 

“He talked about you constantly once we gave him pain medication.” Tessa laughed, making them pull apart.

 

“What can I say? He’s talk worthy!” Dean chimed, pointing at Cas’ face.

 

“Shut up,” Cas said, blushing.

 

“I don’t wanna,” Dean said, pouting.

 

“I’ll have to warn you, of the libido side effect..” Tessa said in hushed tones, making the both of them blush.

 

“He started it,” Cas muttered, sitting down in the chair next to the bed.

 

“Did not!” Dean said, defending himself. “One of the first things you did was kiss me!” He pointed out with a smirk.

 

“You’re the one who pulled me in for it!” Cas defended.

 

“But it still means you started it!” Dean sang as Tessa started to take his vitals.

 

“I’m pretty sure you had the first idea of it by pulling me closer from my collar and starting it!” He said, trying to hide as much of the smile as he could, which wasn’t much.

 

“Still doesn’t mean I started it,” Dean smirked, full out thinking he was right.

 

“You did, too.” Cas scoffed.

 

“Lies, you tell lies.” Dean said dramatically.

 

“You’re the one lying to yourself, Dean. You started it!” Cas said.

 

“Pain meds?” Tessa interjected, “Scale of one to ten?”

 

“Six, hurts when I laugh. So yeah, please.” Dean said, taking a moment to be serious.

 

“Why does he need pain medication..?” Cas asked, concerned.

 

“Rib fractures,” Tessa answered as she injected the medication into the IV.

 

“How?” Cas asked, worried even more so.

 

“Like I said, John.” Dean said nonchalantly.

 

“This is the first I’m hearing about it.” Cas said, almost offended. “Why didn’t you say anything about them last night?”

 

“Honestly? Didn’t really think about it, I was just happy to see you.” Dean said, shrugging. He started blinking profusely when the medication hit him.

 

Cas smiled at what he had to say, taking his hand. “Damn right you better be. Five hour drive and missing classes just to see if I could even find you.”

 

“Like I said, I’m adorable.” Dean said lazily, a sloppy grin plastered to his face. On her way out Tessa stopped next to Cas, “He gets a hell of an ego on these, fair warning.” She smiled, leaving the room.

 

“Where are your glasses by the way?” Dean asked.

 

“In the bag I brought with me right now, why?” Cas replied, scooting the chair forwards.

 

“Sexy librarian.” Dean smirked.

 

“W-what?” Cas asked, turning red.

 

“You know what I said!” He sang, scratching at his facial hair.

 

“I’m neither of those, Dean.” Cas laughed a little, bringing the backpack around to the side of his feet.

 

“Lies,” Dean said, rolling his eyes. “Least about the sexy part, I know you aren’t a librarian.”

 

“Whatever you say, Dean.” He unzipped the backpack, pulling out the glasses case. Cas’ least favorite thing was admitting the difference they made in his sight.

 

“Hey can I use your phone?” Dean asked, dragging out the word phone as long as his breath could manage.

 

“Sure,” Cas laughed, pulling the phone out of his pocket, handing it to him. “What do you need it for?”

 

“I needa ask Jess a question, a really important question.” Dean drawled, his smile ceasing to fade.

 

“You might want to do that while you’re more in control of your mind, you know.” Cas offered, watching him start to dial the number.

 

“Nope, too important, Casanova.” Dean grinned, listening to the phone ring.

 

“Hello?”

 

“He-ey Jessie!” Dean said happily.

 

“Oh hey Dean! You sound happy, I’m assuming Cas is there?” She asked, though it sounded more like a statement.

 

“Yu-up. He’s actually why I’m calling, I have a question!” Dean said, sounding excited.

 

“And what’s that?”

 

“With his glasses, does he look like a sexy librarian?” There was loud laughter from the phone, making Cas turn bright red, at a loss for words, snatching the phone away from Dean, embarrassed.

 

“I should mention he’s on pain medication and loopy at the moment.” Cas quickly said, hearing her still laugh a little.

 

“You know, now that he mentions it, I definitely see it.” She laughed.

 

“The nurse put him on them not too long ago, actually.” Cas chuckled awkwardly, watching Dean only make dreamy eyes at him.

 

“Do you need me to come? They called saying he’s allowed multiple visitors now that they think he’s up for it.” She offered, still laughing slightly.

 

“That’s up to you, Jess. His more emotional side is coming out it seems by the way he’s talking to me,” Cas said, taking the offered hand of Dean’s.

 

“I’ll come up after Sam gets up, he sleeps like the dead.” She said with a smile that came across the phone.

 

“Alright, that sounds good.” Cas returned the smile, saying, “See you later today.” before hanging up.

 

“You should be closer,” Dean pouted.

 

“I don’t want to mess up your oxygen,” Cas pouted back, putting his phone back into his pocket.

 

“You won’t, c’mere.” Dean said, trying his best to be convincing, pulling on Cas’ hand slightly.

 

Cas sighed, giving in. “Better move your ass over for mine then,” He said, standing up.

 

Dean scooted over happily, holding up the blanket for Cas to get under, making himself laugh in the process.

 

“Oh, that reminds me,” Out from Cas’ backpack he quickly pulled out the small couch blanket from Sioux Falls. “An actual blanket for you,”

 

Dean pressed a kiss to Cas’ temple, “Thank ya’.” He smiled sloppily.

 

“You’re very welcome.” Cas returned the smile.

 

“You’re pretty friggin’ cute, you know.” Dean said for no particular reason.

 

“Thank you,” Cas smiled, taking the drowsy Dean’s hand with his own. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

 

Dean frowned, “Why do you have to be so far away?”

 

“I’m right next to you, Dean. Or where I live?” Cas asked, half-frowning back at him.

 

“The latter. Both? I don’t know.” He shrugged, dropping his head on Cas’ shoulder.

 

“I don’t know, but I wish I could live closer by now actually.”

 

“Why now?” Dean asked, brow furrowed.

 

“Because of you, smart one.” Cas smiled, poking his harm.

 

“But I mean, why now, like this moment, instead of like a week ago or something? I donno, just a question.” Dean said, trying to sound indifferent.

 

“Who said  didn’t want to last week?” Cas asked back, laying his head on Dean’s. “I would of last week if I had the time and Gabe probably wouldn’t let me go until my glasses anyways. No help in searching if I can’t see you.”

 

“Life kind of sucks like that, doesn’t it?” Dean says glumly. His thoughts trailing off into what ifs and whys.

 

“Dean how much sleep did you get?” Cas asked, half out of worry, half curiosity.

 

“An hour or so, give or take.” He shrugged, looking at Cas who was frowning.

 

“Why did you only sleep for an hour?”

 

“I couldn’t stop thinking, you know? Lots of questions that don’t have answers. Lots of memories kept popping up, the cringe worthy kind.” Dean said, looking out the window, trying to look anywhere but Cas now.

 

Cas frowned, stroking his hand through Dean’s hair. “How about you get some sleep then? Feel all rested and we can talk when you wake up.”

 

Dean half-frowned, “You sure?”

 

Cas nodded, smiling a little. “I’ll sleep right here next to you if it’ll help.”

 

Dean only nodded, before closing his eyes muttering “Night, Angel.”

  
Yawning, Cas planted a kiss on his hairline before laying his head on top of Dean’s whispering, “Night, Kansas.”

* * *

 

Sam and Jess came into the room about twenty minutes later, all smiles, holding hands. Jess sat on the end of the bed while Sam took the chair, talking while the two slept cuddling each other on the hospital bed. They know that Cas didn’t sleep entirely well last night, and they had high doubts that Dean slept at all. Jess couldn’t help but take two pictures, and tried not to laugh when Dean started snoring, loudly.

 

“I thought it sounded loud when he’d be in his room, but jeeze!” Jess laughed, Sam looked unsurprised.

 

“When we shared a room, it was like a thunderstorm every night. Then when we stopped, it was weird not having it.” He shrugged. After a few minutes, the snoring brought Cas into the world of the awake, bleary eyed and confused.

 

“Hey sleepy head,” Jess said, nudging Cas’ foot. He let go of Dean a little to look at who was talking to him.

 

“Hey, Jess.” Cas yawned, leaning back into Dean. “I’m guessing Sam is here too, so hey, Sam.”

 

“Hey Cas,” He said, laughing from his spot in the chair, “How much did you both sleep?” He inquired, cocking his head to the side.

 

“I think I got maybe about four since he wanted me here so early, and he got around one.” Cas answered, nuzzling his face into Dean’s neck away from the bright overhead lights.

 

“Sheesh, that’s intense.” Jess frowned, poking at Cas’ feet absent mindedly.

 

“Why do you think we’re sleeping now?” Cas mumbled, twitching his feet away from Jess, kicking off his shoes.

 

“Lazyheads, maybe, but now that we know that you’re not you’re in the clear!” Jess said happily, being way too peppy being this early in the morning.

 

“Why are you so upbeat today?” Cas asked, looking back up, “Not in the clear for what?”

 

“May or may not have found something in Sam’s drawer,” She said in a sing song tone.

 

Cas carefully maneuvered his arm from under Dean’s body, sitting up on the bed. He could feel ends of his hair sticking up. “What are you getting at?” He asked, worried of what her answer might be.

 

“Starts with an ‘R’ and ends with ‘G’, Cas!” She beamed, barely able to contain herself.

 

Cas sat for a minute, trying to think about what they were getting at. “What, a ring or something?”

 

“Yes!” She shrieked, stirring Dean, “What the fuck was that?” He asked, never looking up, not bothering to open his eyes.

 

“Just Jess, Dean.” Cas rubbed Dean’s leg a little. “Nothing big, just go back to sleep, you need it.”

 

“Jess, shaddup.” Dean groaned, turning his head into the pillow.

 

“What matters if he had a ring in Sam’s drawer?” Cas asked, irritated and just wanting to go back to sleep.

 

“You, Castiel, are dense. It’s called an engagement ring.” She said excitedly, making Cas’ head poke back up.

 

“Seriously?” He questioned.

 

“Yes!” She said a little quieter than last time.

 

“Yeehaw, I’ll care in four hours.” Dean grumbled, not really hearing the conversation just noise, earning a slap to the foot, he aimlessly reached his foot out in the air trying to get her back with no such luck.

 

“You just assume it’s for me then?” Cas asked, petting Dean’s foot after missing Jess.

 

“Don’t get snarky with me, Mister! They’re both grumpy in the morning, imagine how that’ll work out.” Jess grinned.

 

“Adorably if you could shut your face,” Dean mumbled again, sitting up. “I give up. What are you guys talking about?”

 

“Sleep, Dean.” Cas ordered, trying to shove him down by his arm.

 

“Well Jess can’t stop being so loud,” Dean whined, “Why the hell are you so peppy and happy? It’s gross.” He groaned.

 

“God, sometimes I forget how grumpy you can be. I’m engaged, jackass!” She said happily, notably quieter.

 

“You popped the question? What happened to the whole ‘I’m waiting for the right moment’ crap?” Dean asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

Sam shrugged, a smile working onto his face. “It was a good time, it was the right moment I thought,”

 

“Liar.” Cas grunted, earning a scowl from Sam.

 

“Okay fine, ring was found, cover blown. Can’t exactly erase the memory,” Sam chuckled, looking at Jess fondly.

 

“Congrats on...whatever is happening. I need to pump up the oxygen,” Dean yawned, losing interest already, twisting the knob on the oxygen tank next to his bed. “Go talk out in the hall if you’re going to be so loud.”

 

“Don’t make me crawl on you, ass.” Jess threatened, voice serious.

 

“Yeah? Well I’ve got the cutest willing human shield in your way.” Dean says, grabbing Cas’ arm.

 

“Uh, no.” Cas laughed. Dean turned back up with a look of despair on his face. “I’m a person, not a shield.”

 

“Now you’re screwed!” Jess chimed, crawling up the bed, between the mess of arms and legs.

 

“Jesus woman, this thing isn’t made for three peo--fuck, ow!” He complained pulling his hand up to his upper ribs.

 

“Dean!” Cas shouted, worried, sitting up and holding his arm. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah, yeah. Just caught me off guard, sorry,” He mumbled, shrugging, not moving his hand.

 

“I didn’t know you were hurt, wait how did you get hurt?” Jess asked with the same level of concern.

 

“A guy goes missing for a week frozen half to death and you worry about a stupid rib fracture,” Dean mutters, trying to shrug it off. “It’s nothing, geez.”

 

“Rib fracture?!” Sam nearly yelped, while Jess went wide eyed.

 

“Like I said, nothing, rela-ax.” Dean groaned, taking his pillow and pressing it over his face. Cas sighed, watching Dean lay back against the bed.

 

“You’ll probably want to just leave it, Sam.” he sighed again. “I doubt you’d get it out of him anyways.” He said, resigned.

 

“I don’t want to leave it! You don’t just end up with--” He was cut off by Jess,

 

“Sam, don’t push it, at least not right now.” Jess frowned, kissing both the boys cheeks, having to temporarily lift Dean’s pillow in the process.

 

“Yeah, Sam. Leave it.” Dean said, smirking under the pillow.

 

“I think I speak for both of us when I say I want to go back to sleep,” Cas said, ready to lay back down.

 

“I’m up now, sorry, gorgeous. Sleep.” Dean said, his hand going under the hem of Cas’ shirt, resting on his lower back.

 

Chills went up the back of Cas’ spine to Dean’s action. He turned red, looking over to see Dean wink at him. “I-I guess if you don’t need the sleep then I can manage, it is your bed after all.” Cas said.

 

“Time for vitals,” Tessa interrupted, causing them both to internally groan. “Second base, Tessa.” He complained, making her raise her eyebrow.

 

“What time is it anyways, gorgeous?” Dean asked groggily.

 

“It’s almost noon, Dean.” She said, walking over to the bed. “Once I finish up here I’ll bring you some lunch.”

 

“Pudding?” He grinned.

 

“There’s a possibility,” She smiled, writing down different figures on the clipboard in her hands.

 

Dean mumbled something that sounded like, “Possibility isn’t worth killing second base, Tess.”

 

“Two bases in two days?” Tessa asked, raising an eyebrow as she put the cuff around Dean’s upper arm.  “I’d hate to see what you guys are like spending a week together if you’re going at this rate.”

 

Dean couldn’t help but frown, “That, my dear, won’t be for a while. He has to leave before then. Gabe said something about Tuesday.”

 

“Tuesday?” Cas perked up. “He told me tomorrow.” Which he was okay with.  A two extra days was fine with him.

 

“I told you I’m cute.” Dean grinned, returning his hand to where it had been, only slightly higher.

 

Cas shivered more visibly this time, his face also turning a darker red. “W-what happened to killing second base?”

 

“Lasted out half a second, I rebound fast.” He said waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

 

“Okay, I’ve seen enough.” Sam said, standing up quickly. “I don’t need to watch my brother feel his boyfriend up in the hospital.  I don’t know about you but I’m leaving.” He looked towards Jess.

 

“Oh! Yeah, I guess we could leave,” Jess said, grabbing Sam’s hand. “We’ll see you guys later!”

 

“It’s just his back, babies!” He called out as they walked out, “They’re so going back to my place to bone.” He scowled.

 

Cas sat in the most awkward position, Dean’s hand continuing to feel around his back, clearing his throat. “I did not need that image in my head, Dean.” He mentioned.

 

“Least you don’t hear them at night.” Dean groaned, wrenching his face in disgust.

 

Cas managed his own face of disgust. “I didn’t need to think about that, either.”

 

“Hey, curious, where’d you stay last night? Ellen’s or mine?” Dean asked, wrapping the arm under Cas’ shirt around his waist.

 

“I stayed on Ellen’s floor, as well as the night before when I first got here at 3 in the morning. Everyone was staying over there, and Jess gave us the address actually.” Cas said, watching Tessa leave with just a smile as she watched the two.

 

“Nope, don’t do that again,” Dean laughed, letting go of Cas to get out of the bed, opening one of the three drawers across the room.

 

“Where should Gabe and I sleep, then? Your couch?” Cas asked, scooting to the very back of the bed with his blanket. “I’m pretty sure Gabe still kicks, I can scoo--”

 

“Hush, angel. My place, Gabe can cram his butt on the couch, you can have my room. Snoop and do all the weird shit over protective girlfriends do,” He said, tossing a set of keys towards Cas. “It’s the one that says ‘Kirk’ on it.”

 

“So I’m your protective girlfriend?” Cas asked, looking at the keys he was thrown, putting them into his jeans pockets. “Thanks, Dean.” he laughed.

 

“Of course, you know me, epitome of chivalry.” He smirked, leaning against the drawers.

 

“Yeah, sure.” Cas laughed. “I have a few other things packed into my bag that Jess wanted me to bring you, by the way.”

 

“Oh yeah? Like what?” Dean smiled like an excited toddler.

 

“Like,” He pulled his backpack up from the floor, sitting it on the chair. He pulled out Dean’s laptop first. “This.”

 

“Ah, so I can Skype my really cute boyfriend?” Dean asked, smirking.

 

“I don’t know if he’s somewhere or not, but you could try.” Cas teased. “She wanted a YouTube video or at least documented evidence of us together she said,”

 

“Ah, now that I can get behind. Wait--Can I do something that’ll freak people out?” Dean grinned, something devious flashing across his face.

 

“It’s really up to you, honestly.” Cas shrugged, patting the bed in front of him, wanting him to come sit back down and be warm. “Your video, your ideas.”

 

Dean reach behind his back, untying the hospital gown standing in nothing but his boxers, smirking. He shrugged it off, getting back on the bed.

 

Cas stood, about 98% uncomfortable with actually having the close-to-naked Dean with him in person. Probably 4% being the difference in clothing amounts and 6% being uncomfortable was the tightness in his pants. He sat stiffly on the bed as Dean came up in front of him and sat with him.

 

“I’m not tryin’ to jump your bones, man. Just..Fake jumping your bones, if you get the gist.”

 

“Take it from someone who is highly unexperienced when I say it doesn’t feel like you’re trying to be fake,” Cas said, clearing his throat.

 

“Babe, really, fake. I don’t want Tessa to bring down holy hell on my ass if I get dressed bottom half, I tried last night. Not fun.” He said with a shrug, opening the laptop.

 

Cas didn’t know what to say, still in shock from never having just a good looking man nearly naked like this. He just knew his jeans were getting a little tight and the situation would probably not end well for him. He decided to just sit still, watching Dean do whatever he was.

 

“Just lie back, and then after like..Two minutes or so, start talking. Okay?” He smiled reassuringly.

 

“A-alright,” Cas stuttered nervously.

 

Dean kissed him for a brief second before playfully shoving him down. The camera started up quicker than usual, before his face popped up. The light was harsh, but it would do, so he pressed record.

 

“World, friends, family, and weirdos, I’ve been gone a while.. Again. I pulled a stunt, but hey, everythin’s fine now. Sam and Jess are engaged! I was grumpy for the most part when they told me, but eh, they know I’m happy for them.” He shrugged, offering a toothy smile, making sure, the camera could see his bare chest.

 

“So I have some lovely news, as well.” He smirked.

 

“Hello..” Cas said nervously, and a little more of a higher tone than he expected.

 

Dean couldn’t help but snort, intertwining his fingers with Cas’. “That, my friends, is Castiel. He came down here, and literally saved my ass. Can we say thank you?”

 

“Since I saved your ass you better, D.” Cas smirked, rubbing his thumb over Dean’s hand.

 

“Yes, thanks, ass.” He joked bumping his knee into Cas’ leg. Dean raised their hands up, pressing a kiss to the back of his hand. “Apparently he’s a snarky little shit,” He laughed.

 

“And you don’t have characteristic quirks?” He asked.

 

“I do. Like being unbearably attractive.”

 

“Time for lunc--Whoa!” Tessa exclaimed, nearly dropping her clipboard.

 

“That’s my drug dealer, Tessa, she brings me pudding and drugs that make me say embarrassing things to sexy people.” He shrugged, before completely losing it in laughter. “Sit up, Cas,” He snorted.

 

Cas sat up with a sheepish smile next to Dean, still with their hands entwined. “How much pudding d’ya got for me, Tessa?” Dean asked excitedly like a toddler.

 

“One.” She said warily, not exactly aware what was going on. “Especially after that questionable scene,”

 

“Tessa here is my nurse, who sneaks me pudding, because I’m actually in the hospital, hence Cas. He literally did save my ass though, didn’tcha?” Dean asked, smiling at Cas like he was everything in his world.

 

“I guess I did, yes.” Cas smiled back at him, seeing Tessa smile out of the corner of his eye.

 

“Alright, lovebirds.” Tessa laughed. “Mr. Winchester needs his lunch so he can take his medication,”

 

“Fine, but first,” He cleared his throat to yell, “The stupid doctor should send me home already!” Making Tessa laugh, “You’ve been here one night after nearly dying and you’re already ready to go home? I have children who are better behave better than the lot of you.” She laughed

 

“Come on, Tessy. Put in a good word with the guy.” Dean pouted.

 

“Only until tomorrow night, don’t worry.” Her smile was genuine, patting his bare shoulder. “Now eat your lunch like a good boy.” She laughed, setting the tray down on the pivot tray for the bed and heading back out the door.

 

“I’m pretty sure I’m only a few years younger than you, Tessa!” He called out as she was leaving.

 

“Anyway, time for me to go. Food, pudding, hot boyfriend and a pretty nurse. I think the choice is clear. Bye guys!” He said, before pressing the stop button he kissed Cas’ cheek, smiling at him.

 

“Alright, now eat.” Cas laughed at him, reaching over him to get the tray in front of Dean.  Hospital quality pork chop and a few bad sides sad on the plate with an untouched cup of pudding. A small carton of milk also sat in the corner of it.

 

“Tell me I’m pretty and I will.” He laughed, smirking at Cas. Intentionally being impossible.

 

“You’re very pretty, Dean.” Cas said, rolling his eyes with a small smile.

 

“Fine,” He smiled, complying.

 

“Whoa, did I just walk into the dirty or..?” Gabe asked walking into the room, eyes on Dean.

 

“Fake dirty!” Dean chimed, happily eating his pudding.

 

“Sure.” Gabe smirked, walking up to the foot of the bed, putting air quotes up when he said, “Fake.”

 

“He’s doing this on purpose, Gabriel.” Cas mentioned, turning a little red next to his nearly naked boyfriend.

 

“He told me I’m pretty, and nearly freaked out when I got undressed, don’t worry.” Dean shrugged, bumping shoulders with Cas, who glared at him.

 

“You haven’t even spent a full twenty four hours in the presence of my bro, and you’re already perving him up in just your boxers?” Gabe rose an eyebrow, a hint of a death glare behind it.

 

“I’m not a nudist, just be glad of that.” He said simply, holding back a smirk.

 

“With a body like yours not many would be concerned, big boy.” Gabe smirked.

 

“Flirtation will get you know where, Gabe.” Dean smiled, motioning towards the chair for him to sit. “One Novak per Winchester.”

 

“Gabe, could you grab the sandwich from the front pocket in my backpack?” Cas asks, Dean’s arm wrapping back around his waist after opening the plastic pack of silverware.

 

“Sure thing, Cassy.” From the backpack, Gabe grabbed a brown sack and a black glasses case, making Cas groan in annoyance.

 

Dean leaned in, whispering “Still a sexy librarian.”

 

“Eat your damn carrots,” Cas mumbled as he popped open the case.

 

“Hey Ga-a-abe. Guess what happened this morning,” His voice was teasing.

 

“What? You fell off your bed or something? Nasty ass bruise you’ve got going there.” He said, pointing to his ribs.

 

“Hmm? Oh, that. Nothing, but seriously. Pain meds make me weirdly--” Cas clamped his hand over Dean’s mouth before he could continue. Dean only licked his hand in what could have almost been considered a seductive way, making Cas pull his hand away in defeat.

 

“You are insufferable.”

 

“You love it,” Dean shrugged, finishing his pudding.

 

Cas rolled his eyes, putting his glasses on, now able to see the finer details of things. Dean only smiled as he watched his librarian reach into the brown paper bag to retrieve a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He pouted in envy, looking back down to his school lunch-quality piece of meat.

 

“Do you think it’s possible to survive on this pudding, instead?” Dean asked, thinking he was only asking in his head.

“You dare even try that and I will not be happy.” Cas said, eating a bite of his sandwich.

 

“Gabe I will literally pay you to bring me food, edible food. Or more pudding.”

 

“Jesus christ, where does it all go?” Gabe asked in bewilderment.

 

“A mystery I’d like to know, too.” Cas said, eating away at his lunch.

 

“It’s called fast metabolism. Sam used to say it was because my body grew accustomed to eating crap food, but he got tired of me calling him a nerd.” Dean shrugged, again.

 

“But look who’s the one with the boyfriend now,” Cas says, pulling out another saran-wrapped sandwich from the bag.

 

“I don’t know whether to make out with you or the sandwich.” Dean said, smiling.

 

“Not while Gabe is in the same room, please.” Cas said, pushing his glasses up his nose.

 

“That reminds me, where’d you put my keys?” Dean asked through a mouthful of food.

 

Cas chewed away, pulling the keys out of his jean’s pocket, showing them hanging from his finger by the loop on the chain.

 

Dean took them from him and tossed them at Gabe, “Crash on my couch instead of Ellen’s floor, and don’t you dare touch my car.” Dean warned, narrowing his eyes.

 

“What about getting my baby bro home?  Is he just gonna take the bus  in a kinda ghetto town at night?” Gabe asked.

 

“I’ll call Sam, no way in hell are you touching my baby.” Dean threatened, not trusting Gabe at all.

 

“Geez, I get it.” Gabe laughed, smirking. “I won’t touch your car or my brother.”

 

“Completely okay with that.” Dean smiled, “Are you going to give me a death threat if I kiss him?” He asked warily.

 

“Depends on what kind,” Gabe said, slightly squinting.

 

“Not sticking my tongue down his throat if that’s what you mean,”

 

“I guess I can let that kind slide this time,” Gabe sighed, turning his head away a little.

 

“You know, you’re much better than Sam. Mention second base and he’s out.” Dean laughed, kissing Cas for a few seconds, “He left the building as quickly as possible.”.

 

“Just not too much PDA, Dean-o.” Gabe smirked in the way that he can still show the treat in his eyes.

 

“How much is too much? Because you seem like one of those sex in public places kind of guys.” Dean laughed, though genuinely curious.

 

“Oh, I am if I find someone who’s willing.” Gabe chuckled, Cas with a bored face as he ate his sandwich, knowing Gabe’s way of the trade in that department. “Just not when it’s with my baby bro.”

 

“Alright, alright. Jeeze, now I realized how much I missed out on the scary big brother thing, I’ve never wished Sam or Adam were gay until now.” Dean sighed, slipping his hand under the hem again, just brushing his thumb back and forth over his spine.

 

Cas shivered again, seeing Dean’s please expression from the corner of his eyes. “If I was bi then Gabe would have scared every human out of a 10 mile radius from me, as he’s told me.” Cas mentions, Gabe’s nod adding to it. “So be lucky I chose the right half, I guess.”

 

“Wait, I did scare off one girlfriend!” Dean said, obviously pleased with himself.

 

“I’ve got a grand total of two and I hope you don’t make it a third.” Gabe said, pointing at him.

 

“Hell would freeze over, don’t worry,” Dean smiled, trailing his fingers up and down Cas’ back, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. Tessa wandered into the room, noticing the new face, offering a smile and nod, ignoring the PDA at this point.

 

“Came in to check if you need pain meds, scale, you know the drill.” She asked.

 

“They wore off, back to a six,” Dean shrugged, “Definitely wouldn’t hurt. Get it, hurt?” Dean smiled.

 

Tessa laughed, picking up the picked-at tray of food. “I’ll be right back with some in no time.”

 

Cas groaned, dropping his head. Gabe looked at him questioningly, “What?”

 

“Like I was trying to say earlier, they make me horn--”

 

“Dean!” Cas interrupted, absolutely mortified.

 

“What? It’s true!” Dean raised his arms in defense. “The meds just kinda boost it!”

 

Gabe stared at Dean, and if looks could kill, Dean would be dead and gone about five thousand years ago. “What’s up with lover boy with his painkillers, Cassy? You might as well just let me know now.”

 

“Uhh..” He looked to Dean for an answer, receiving nothing but worried looks.

 

“I get all flirty, y’know?” Dean said, shrugging his arms. “A lot of extreme flirting on my part, wait till you see me happy drunk.”

 

“Maybe next time, Dean-o.” He says, standing up.

 

“Now I’m tempted to get wasted before you leave, it’s pretty hilarious honestly. I flirt with anyone who will listen, I’d probably flirt with Sam if he wouldn’t walk away.” Cas laughed a little, while Gabe just gave an evil glare with a raised eyebrow.

 

“What! It’s just a personality quirk.” Dean said, giving Cas a knowing look, “‘S not like I’d cheat, just a flirt.”

 

Gabe looked at his watch, then looked back up to the two. “I’ll have to take your word, Winchester. I have to get to making a new costume for a class since I’m missing a few days. I’ll see you once Sam picks you up. Don’t do anything too kinky,”

 

Tessa walked back into the room as Gabe walked out, “Scare away more visitors?”

 

“Of course, my dear. He’s easy to make mad, I’m starting to enjoy it too much.” He laughed, glancing at Cas with a smile, getting one in return.

 

“Don’t go making the family too mad, that’ll make holidays awkward.” She smiled, pushing the syringe into the IV just like before.

 

“Tell me about it, spending Christmas with them will either be like a field day or world war three, huh Cas?”

 

“I..uh..” Cas looked away, not answering. As Tessa finished inserting the medicine into the IV, Dean blinked furiously, still paying attention to Cas.

 

“Crap, what’d I do?” Deak asked, mentally kicking himself.

 

“Nothing! You didn’t do anything!” Cas tried to reassure him. He watched Tessa leave the room again before he spoke up with, “It’s my family that did something, not you,”

 

“What happened?” Dean asked, trying to stay as lucid as possible.

 

“What didn’t they do?” He muttered down to his lap.

 

“Talk to me,” Dean said, starting to fade as he wrapped an arm around him reassuringly.

 

“It’s a subject for a more straight-minded time really, Dean.” He says, leaning into him.

 

“I’m okay, I’m here.” Dean said firmly.

 

“For how long though,” Cas murmurs.

 

“As long as it takes.” He said, taking Cas’ hand in his own again.

 

Cas sighs, looking down to the entwined pair of hands, saying, “It’s still not much but I doubt my family would want to meet the person of the gender that got me kicked out in the first place,”

 

“Well know you’re welcome down here with us, alright? We love you and your weirdo brother.” Dean smiled.

 

“My brother is the only one I could consider family anymore, actually.” Cas admits despite not wanting to all that much.

 

“I don’t believe that,” Dean shrugged.

 

“One sister who’s dead, one who’s in a mental hospital, a brother that I had to break their nose barely a week ago, a dead mom, and a dad who doesn’t seem to care then one brother that actually supports me.” Cas huffed.

 

“You missed my point, angel. You’ve got family here. We’re family, Cas. A little fucked up family, but one that loves you.”

 

“I told you the exact same thing before you got in this situation, Dean.” Cas said, remembering the hollow apology before falling off the face of the earth for a week.

 

“Just because I happen to be a dick, doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.” Dean said, being completely honest. “I couldn’t lie right now even if I wanted to.”

 

“Then do you know how worried you made every single one of us? Me probably being the most affected.” Cas sat up, turning around to face to drowsy Dean. “I would of been at the hospital down in Sioux Falls if it wasn’t for a five hour drive just to see if there was a possibility of you being alive.”

 

“I do, Cas. I’m sorry, from the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry.”

 

“Just get some rest, Dean.” Cas sighed, moving to the chair instead of going back onto the bed.

 

“I love you,” He whispered, barely audible.

 

“Love you too, you ass.” Cas said, wrapping his hand around Dean’s, using the mattress as a pillow. Dean smiled back at him.

 

“This doesn’t change the fact that we all love you.” Dean said weakly, trying not to let his voice crack.

 

“It also doesn’t change that we’re all worried about you because everyone loves you, too.” Cas whispered.

 

“I know, not exactly the most stable of people,” Dean admitted. “I do try, though it sure as hell doesn’t seem it. Just.. Past stuff has really made me, well, like this.” Dean said, trying to smile but failing.

 

“Once we get out of college, we’ll make a better life then.” Cas held to the muscle of Dean’s arm. “We’ll be surrounded by our family without our pasts to bother us. If you’d like that, y’know?”

 

“It feels like it’ll always be over my head. But yeah, I’d like that.” Dean said, finally able to force out a smile.

 

“Then I’ll just have to do my best to make you the happiest I can,” Cas said, offering his hand out over Dean’s bare chest.

 

“He didn’t just hurt me, you know. He made me hurt other people. Physical and psychological torture.” Dean said, looking up trying not to cry.

 

Cas slowly put his ignored hand away, not able to find the words he could use to help comfort him. “I..I didn’t know, Dean.” He said in the quietest voice he could manage.

 

“Not many people do, honestly. That’s not something you just tell people. I’ve only actually talked about it with Jess, but Sam knows, helped me get through the aftermath.”

 

Cas contemplated for a while before taking off his shirt and joining Dean on the bed again. He made sure to put his face into his chest before Dean could see his face turning a beat red. “If you get to be fake dirty, I might as well join it,” Cas said nervously.

 

Dean laughed, wiping his eyes. “Can I tell you something?”

 

“Anything.” Cas said, daring to turn around and look up at Dean’s face without putting too much pressure on his ribs.

 

“I may not believe in a heaven, but I believe in hell and purgatory. I have a feeling I’ll end up in one of those places. I’ve never said that out loud before.” Dean said quietly.

 

“I feel like that would just give me another reason to be your angel,” Cas said, frowning.

 

“I don’t deserve you.” He mumbled, breaking out into tears.

 

“Oh, Dean.” He sighed, sitting up.  Dean was still drowsy from the medicine, which was probably the main reason he was even acting like this, the oxygen cannula, only in his boxers, and depressed beyond repair at the moment  Deah arched forwards, Cas holding him in a hug. “If anything I don’t deserve you,”

 

“Please,” Dean scoffed, “You’re literally a God send and I’m damned, Cas.”

 

“Well you’re my damned if you won’t see it my way, Dean.” Cas held his face in his hands, kissing a few spots on his face around the cannula.

 

“I hate this,” Dean sighed, “Getting weak,”

 

“I think you need to sleep, Dean. Will you rest if I stay with you? Please?” Cas asks, rubbing his thumb on Dean’s cheek.

 

“I have nightmares, s’why I never sleep.” He said with a shrug. “Used to wake up screaming, thinking I was back. Now I’m so used to it that I just wake up and try to pretend it didn’t happen.” He said, not able to stop talking.

 

Dean kept rambling on, talking about his nightmares, not paying attention. Cas quickly slammed his lips against Dean’s to get him to shut up. Dean moved against him slowly, raking his hands up and down Cas’ back. Cas moved one of his hands to hold onto Dean’s waist, who only pulled him against him tighter.

 

Dean put one hand up to Cas’ head, raking it through the soft, dark hair. Slowly his hand moved to the back of his neck, trying to get as close he possibly could. Cas felt red with heat in his cheeks, never being this close to someone that he’s been emotionally involved with. Cas could hear the beeping from the heart monitor that was hooked up to Dean starting to go at a rapid pace. A nurse would be busting through the door any minute, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. It would probably just be Tessa anyways, just to close the door again after telling them to calm down. “Jesus,” Dean panted, only to crash back into him a few seconds later after pulling the heartbeat monitor from his finger. Cas had to remove himself from Dean’s lips every once in awhile as he ran out of air.

 

“Cas,” Dean groaned against him, rolling his hips slightly.

 

“Dean,” Cas gasped for air again, moving his hands to both of Dean’s hips.

 

Dean hooked two fingers through one of Cas’ back belt loops, rolling his hips against him harder. Cas could feel the tightness in his jeans almost as well as Dean could in his boxers. One of Dean’s hands slipped into Cas’ back pocket making his breath hitch again. The door clicked open, followed by a familiar voice yell, “Gross, jerk!”

 

“Go. Away!” Dean growled, Sam didn’t think twice before closing the door again, as Dean pulled Cas back in.

 

“Dean,” Cas said against his lips, slowing only a little bit from his pace. Dean moaned against him, biting Cas’ lip slightly. Cas was tempted to slow down and even stop, but Dean made it impossible for him to want to now as he panted against his lips. Dean pulled back, breathing heavy, “Hi.” He laughed, letting his head drop back as he laughed.

 

“Hey,” Was all Cas could manage, leaning his forehead against his as he took a breath of air. “We should definitely stop,” Dean said, smiling at him.

 

“I wouldn’t mind,” Cas laughed, looking into the bright green eyes not even an inch away from his face.

 

“I think we scarred Sam for life, Angel.” He chuckled, moving his hand from Cas’ pocket to the small of his back.

 

“His fault for not knocking,” Cas smirked wrapping one arm around his neck. Dean bent his head back in laughter, tightening his hold on Cas.

 

“I love you, smart ass.” Dean smirked, kissing Cas’ forehead.

 

“I love you, too.” Cas laughed, pecking a few spots on Dean’s jaw line.

 

“Least we still have our dignity, aside Sam.” Dean chuckled as there was a knock on the door, “Are you guys done going at it or am I going to have to take Jess home?” Called Sams voice.

 

“We’re recovering,” Dean shouted, placing another kiss on the corner of Cas’ mouth before he turned around in Dean’s lap. “It’s safe.”

 

The door clicked a few seconds later before Sam’s head popped in, followed by a sigh of relief. Both he and Jess bobbed into the room. “Do I even have to say it?” Sam asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

“What, admit you’re jealous?” Dean smirked, setting his lips on Cas’ wings tattoo.

 

“Dean, you know the talk, for the love of God don’t make me say it.” Sam said, face utterly mortified as everyone stared at him.

 

“HIV is most commonly passed through men, wrap it before I tap it, yada yada. We’re not doing that,” He said, rolling his eyes.

 

“You haven’t even been in person with each other for two whole days, I don’t know if I should be surprised, worried, or proud.” Jess said, standing next to Sam farther from the bed than the earlier visit.

 

“I vote all three.” Dean shrugged noncommittally.

 

“I’m more worried, personally.” Sam mentioned. “That’s a pretty large step for just seeing each other in person for the first time. You’ve even got him shirtless!”

 

“Too fast, are you actually ready, I know your schpeel like the back of my hand, Sammy. It’s not like I can give up on relationships forever. Besides, do you really think he’d do any of that? He knows about the thing with the thing.” Dean said, causing Sam and Jess’ eyes to go wide in shock.

 

“You actually told him about all of that?” Jess asked.

 

“As in a complete break down? Yes. Freaking great flood.” Dean admitted, hugging Cas from behind.

 

“And you managed that to full out make-out session?” Sam asked, raising an eyebrow, curious for the answer.

 

Dean held up his hands in his own defence, “Not even my fault, all his fault!” Dean laughed, nudging at Cas, who blushed profusely.

 

“I was just going for a small one that wouldn’t tighten my pants, not the closest experience to someone I’ve ever been attracted to ever like you turned into. ” Cas said in defense.

 

“Both at fault, learn to knock, bitch.” Dean said with a cheeky grin.

 

“Whatever, jerk.” Sam sighed. “We’ll be back in an hour to pick him up to head home so you lovebirds finish up.”

 

“Don’t let him sleep on the couch!” Dean chimed in as Sam pulled Jess out of the room. “I have one request of you about the apartment.” Dean said against his shoulder.

 

“Mm?” Cas hummed, head leaning against Dean’s.

 

“Don’t look under the mattress, top secret, and don’t let Jess try and talk you into it. It’s full of evil.”

 

“I will not look under the mattress, nor did I have thoughts originally to do so.” Cas said, turning sideways in Dean’s lap.

 

“Jess will try, so it’s a warning of it’s utter evil. I’d never live it down,” Dean chuckled, leaning over the edge of the bed to grab Cas’ shirt, hissing in pain.

 

“Don’t strain yourself, Dean.” Cas said, grabbing the shirt from him, hovering his hand over where he thought he had hurt himself.

 

“Wee bit late on that one,” Dean laughed, pinching Cas’ side lightly, teasingly.

 

“Well don’t strain yourself anymore, smartass.” Cas chuckled, poking him back. He handed Dean the shirt to him, turning back around to face him.

 

“Pretty sure Sam won’t take you back shirtless,” He teased.

 

“He said we’ve got an hour, Dean. But I guess if you really wanted me to put my shirt back on,” Cas said, fixing the shirt to he could put it on over his head when he needed to.

 

“You’re lucky you’re cute, because you’re sassy.” Dean said, smiling, poking Cas in the stomach.

 

“Just for you, handsome.”  Cas beamed.

 

“I’m not going to lie, I’m exhausted.” Dean laughed.

 

“I’m not going to lie either and say that you’re the only one because I sure as hell am.” Cas put his arms around Dean’s chest, yawning.

 

“I vote you nap, then they can’t drag you off.” Dean suggested with a smirk.

 

Cas yawned again with a quiet, “Let ‘em try.” mumbled into his skin.

  
“This is why I like you.” Dean said, closing his eyes as Cas fell asleep on his chest, Dean soon after.


	25. Not-A-Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This will be disappointing but please bear with us. x

 

 

Hey you beautiful souls, it's Alex here. I'm mostly the Dean writer for the story, and had the original verse idea. But none of this would have been possible without Sarah, our lovely Castiel writer and plot bunny. If you want to contact her she's at 221b-timeywimey.tumblr.com. She's been so supportive and kind, I couldn't have asked for a better RP partner.

_**This Is Not The End.** _

__

  
_**  
**_Just that the Dean writer-- Me, is going into a two month intensive hospitalization in another state and I cant work on this story much for the next two months. We both decided when I come back we'll pick up where we left off.

Just know you're loved, you all. Send me tumblr messages at profoundlyinlove.tumblr,com okay? Id love it.

We love you all and hope you hang with us. Truly. We love yall.

Wish me luck? I love you all


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